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Immortality Jokes

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This is the worst joke I know. "A mad scientist is developing an immortality serum..."

"...and so far it works perfectly in cell culture, in worms, in mice and rats, and in racoons. Next step is testing it in dolphins. As she's reaching for the syringes for her test subjects, she notices that she's run out of serum and has to prepare a new batch. The primary ingredient is a chemi...

A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career

He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.

In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job s...

Immortality

Once, a guy came in told me,"You should enjoy your life to the fullest,Nothing lasts forever,enjoy the time"
So a week later , I went to him and said,"I Am **IMMORTAL** " so he was confused and ask how,so I said him," You said nothing lasts forever, so I changed my name to Nothing."
#IMMORTAL...

I bought immortality.

The limited edition...

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Easiest way to get immortality

Me : *rubs lamp* "I don't want to die a virgin"

Genie : *grants immortality*

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I have achieved immortality

I found a mysterious lamp and sure enough there was a genie inside.

I wished that I won't die a virgin.

Quantum Immortality...

The Joke That Never Dies

The unluckiest person did actually find the fountain of immortality.

Unfortunately, he drowned.

Controversial new study in Brazil may have unlocked the key to immortality in frogs

A veterinary surgeon has successfully removed the vocal cords of a green tree frog.

He can no longer croak....

What did the unluckiest lucky man do when he found the pill of immortality?

He chocked on it.

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Immortal porpoises

One day Timmy has had enough. He is completely burned out, so he decides to use his saved up vacation days to go hiking in the mountains. He packs his tent and all his camping gear, and starts driving.

After many hours of driving he finialy arrives. He puts his backpack on his back and hea...

What kind of bee gives you immortality?

A Zom-bee!!!

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A man found a genie lamp

When the rubbed it the genie came out and stated the rules.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish to not die a virgin

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality

In Germany, we recently arrested a Guy who claims to have invented a Medicine for Immortality,

I guess he didnt learn from his Last sentences in 1925, 1845, 1738....

A couple wins a free day at a golf course

But just a few minutes into the game, the husband breaks the window of one of the most luxurious houses nearby.

When they arrive to try to talk their way out, the door is open, and a man with a luxurious robe stands next to a expensive looking broken crystal lamp.

- are you the owner o...

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A man finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie appears.

The genie says, “I will grant you three wishes, but there are some rules. No wishing for more wishes, wishing for immortality, or wishing to bring someone back from the dead.”

The man says, “Ok, I wish to not die a virgin.”

The genie replies, “I already told you, no wishing for immorta...

My grandfather was arrested several times...

...for selling a phony immortality elixir.

Once in 1885, again in 1922, a third time in 1964, another time in December 2021...

Warning: scam

Some dude is selling what he calls an "Elixir for Immortality" in town. He came to me, suspiciously, with some of those bottles, but I refused, and contacted the police. They told me they know of this scam, and this person in particular. They said they've already arrested him multiple times for it. ...

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Three men are walking down a beach when they find a lamp buried in the sand.

They dig up the lamp, brush it off, and poof! a genie appears.

"I shall grant each of you three wishes," the genie intones.

The first guy wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof! Wish granted.

The second guy also wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof!

The third guy starts flailing ...

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Aliens abduct a businessman, a scientist and a miner.

"So here's the thing, after achieving everything we could on our home planet we grew bored and now we travel galaxy and ask stupid questions. Here is yours -- what is the biggest number you can possibly think of? If answer amuses us, we grant you immortality, if not, we zap you with this death ray r...

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A nerd went fishing and caught a very small goldfish...

She spoke with human voice to him, beging to be left alive because she is so young, and if he lets her go, she will grant him a wish. The nerd thought a litle and said "Ok, i will let you go, but don' t let me die a virgin" . This is how he gained immortality....

A man and a Genie.

A man found a genie that grants 3 wishes.

The genie said “I can do anything you want within the

bounds of reality. No bringing back the dead or

granting immortality.” The guy having lost so much in

his life asks the genie can you take my pain away? The

genie s...

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Grant Me a Wish

The other day, I found a lamp on the ground and rubbed it; to my surprise, a genie popped out. The genie asked “You may have three wishes. What is your first desire?” I requested “Oh genie, make sure I don’t die a virgin”. The genie waited a moment, then said “Done.” He quickly pulled out a gun, and...

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A husband and wife are playing golf...

A husband and wife are playing golf at a very high end golf course that's right next to an even fancier neighborhood. They tee off on the 3rd hole and the husband's drive veers sharp to the left, sending the golf ball through the window of an extravagant, luxurious home. Clearly the most expensive h...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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