Knock On Jokes - 30 Hilarious Knock On Jokes

A Jewish shop owner in a largely Christian town hears a knock on the door.

He opens, and sees representatives of the local church.

\- Excuse us, Mr. Shainski, - they say. - Our church is in a bad state now, so we decided to build a new one. Seeing as you are known as a very wealthy and generous person, could you spare anything?

Shainski thinks. On the one han...

I always knock on the fridge door before opening it

I do it just in case there's a salad dressing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man knocks on the door and asks the woman " Do you have a vagina? "

A woman hears a knock on the door and when she opens the door a man asks this.

Man: Do you have a vagina?

Woman slams the door in disgust

The next morning she hears a knock again and answers the door. The man asks the same question
Man: do you have a vagina?

She slams ...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen

A man is sleeping next to his wife, when he hears a loud knock on his door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3 AM.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over.

Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs.

He opens ...

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,,.

only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" ...

A guy suddenly hears a knock on his door at 2 in the morning.

Dragging himself out of bed, he goes to answer it. There in the doorway is a man and he asks, “sorry to bother you, can you give me a push?”
The guy tell him to scram and goes back to bed. After a mini, he remembers when he ran out of gas once and decides to help the poor fellow.
He gets back...

A New Zealand Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while.

The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals."

"...sure you can," the farmer says. "But I like your style. I'll put you to work."

So the ma...

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn."

Stupid firemen

[I originally saw this joke on a friend's facebook picture he shared](http://i.imgur.com/6Q1KD6K.jpg) but others have pointed me to:
[OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3m4zpu/i_hate_those_people_who_knock_on_your_door_and/)
[OP2](https://www.reddit.com/r/Christi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is sitting on his couch one day watching TV when he hears a knock on the door...

He answers the door, and at first, he doesn't see anyone around. He looks around and finally sees a little tiny turtle standing there. Annoyed, he picks up the turtle and chucks it as far as he can.

Five years later, he's sitting on his couch watching TV, and he hears a knock on the door. He ...

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock on the door.

A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."

He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a knock on the door of an Irish church

Mother superior answers the door and is surprised to see two leprechauns, one looks older.

The elder says, “pardon me, but are there any leprechaun nuns here?” She answers “no.”

He asks “well then, are there any little people here who are nuns?” Again she answers no.

He then t...

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" ...

I knocked on the fridge

My girlfriend asked me: “Why do you knock on the fridge?”

I thought she knew why, but obviously she didn’t.

I told her: “Because there could be a salad dressing..”

What should you do when retinol and ascorbic acid knock on your door?

Vitamin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer hears a knock on his door one night...

and he is surprised to see a Jew, a Muslim, and a Jehovah's Witness together on his doorstep. The farmer greets them and is wondering why such an unlikely trio of people are walking together at this time of night.

"Our cars got caught in the snow in the highway, and we can't get a signal out ...

How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door? (What are your favorite musician jokes?)

The knocking gets faster as it goes on.

You hear a knock on your door, you open it to find a bass player standing there. What do you do?

Pay him for the pizza!

Two drummers walk past a bar...

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Put ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman has just removed her clothes to get into the shower when she hears a knock on the door.

Woman: "Who is it?"

Blind Guy: "It's the blind guy!"

Woman: *Well, he can't see me anyway....* (opens the door)

Blind Guy: "Nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"

Credit: A barber in SC years ago. If it's a repost, I'm sorry.

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

At first I didn’t know an angry mob was outside my home because I only heard a polite knock on my door.

But when I discovered the truth of my predicament, I stayed as quiet as a mouse—quieter, even—and fortunately, after a short time, they all got bored and left.

Power to the peephole.

Two Leprechauns Knock on the Convent Door (long)

The Mother Superior opens the door and the first leprechaun doffs his hat then stammers and stutters, "T-t-t-top o' the mornin' to ye, sister!"

She replies, "Top o' the mornin' to you, Seamus. What can I do for you this morning?"

"W-w-w-w-well, sister, I-I-I-I'd b-be after a-a-a-a-ski...

Americans don’t knock on doors

Because freedom rings

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces hersel...

When Police Knock On Your Door

Police: Knock Knock
Me: Who is it?
Police: its the Police.
Me: What do you want?
Police: We just wanna talk
Me: How many of you are there?
Police: 2
Me: Then talk to each other.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two cops knock on a door.

A little lad opens it, he's about 10. Wearing his dad's dressing gown, a blond on either side of him. Glass of wine in one hand a a cigar in the other.
Cops look at each other and say to the little lad;" is your dad home sunny"?
Little lad replies:"does it fucking look like he is"?

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding
she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned
that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the
entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares her...

The blind salesman a woman in the shower

A woman was taking a shower when she heard a knock on the door. She called out, “who is it? I can’t come to the door right now, I just stepped out of the shower” The man at the door answered “Don’t worry lady, I’m a blind salesman”…so the woman says “ok you can come in”. He gets inside and asks: “wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Mormons knock on an old Englishman's door...

The old man opens the door and smiles at the two fine gentlemen dressed in white dress shirts and black ties. They say, "Hello, we're with the church of Latter-day Saints and we're here to spread the gospel of God. Do you mind if we come in to speak with you?" The old man replies with a smile, "Sure...

I always knock on the door and don't use the doorbell.

I think i deserve a Nobel prize.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a faint knock on the lawyer's door.

He says, "Come in!" He hears a feeble fumbling at the doorknob. Curious, he goes to the door and opens it and finds a very, very elderly couple.

He immediately rushes to put two chairs in front of his desk, then rushes back to the door to help the couple hobble over to those chairs, and then ...

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