The owner of a fruit stand decides to buy a cat to keep away mice. Unfortunately, the cat wasn't fixed...

The owner of a fruit stand decides to buy a cat to keep away the mice. Unfortunately, the cat was never fixed, and would hump random objects. The owner tolerates this misbehavior because the cat is just so cute. It's black with white feet, and looks like its wearing little socks.

A customer s...

On the back of a pack of condoms it said: "Keep away from children."

So now I have to get her the morning after pill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The packaging on Viagra says "Keep away from children" what kind of a man do they think I am?

that cant keep an erection around a child...

Keep away from professional dermatologists..

They make rash decisions

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A Siberian joke about a bear

A tourist comes to Siberia for a hike, but wishes to be safe from bears. A local man proposes him to buy a whistle

Tourist: But how do I use it?

Local man: Whistle, the bear will flee, and keep away from bear trails.

Tourist: How do I know where are the trails?

Local ...

A Muslim man came to the USA many years ago.

He found love, got married and had a son.

The son eventually graduated University, found a wife, got married and moved away for job reasons.

Unfortunately, one day the old man's wife passes away, leaving him alone in his house with a huge garden.

After a lot of grief, the man ...

My kids were driving me nuts one day so I got some tranquilizers and sure enough, right on the bottle, it says:

Warning! Keep Away From Children

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Do you know how to have sex?

Man walks up to a farmers house, knocks on the door. When a woman opened the door, the man ask if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, again, asked the same question. Again, not amused, she screamed get the hell away. Later, she told her husband of the ...

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"What are you doing?" asked my wife.

"Putting plastic mice on the lawn to keep away elephants."

"There's no fucking elephants out there," she snarled.

"Of course not," I replied, "I've put the plastic mice out."

When I have a headache, I take an Advil and follow the instructions on the bottle:



"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"



(based on Kauffman, G. and Blakeley M. eds. 1980. Pulling Our Own Strings. Page 51)

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3 men enter a public restroom

All three stand at the urinals, doing their business.

The first shakes his final dribbles and zips up, then heads to the sink, where he proceeds to wash his hands thoroughly with soap and water - twice. As he is scrubbing away, he explains - "I'm from Wisconsin, and we have been taught to be ...

Children must be really dangerous...

Most of the flammable stuff I own tells me to KEEP AWAY from them!

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