I sealed the doors of my house with silicone last night to keep out a pair of crooks.

You could say I was...

Macaulay caulkin'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Trump so keen to build a wall to keep out Mexican rapists?

He's afraid of the competition.

Why can you keep out Europeans with a picket fence?

Because union members never cross a picket.

I can't support building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

It's borderline racist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.....

He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, “what gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?”she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

“You ke...

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

My brother and I sell marijuana.

We keep out money in a joint account.

I'm a terrible speller

I hung up a sign outside my bar to let people know there was live music, but everyone thought I was trying to keep out Dwayne Johnson.

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