UPJOKE
pizzanaplespastarisottopestoolive oilgnocchiartichokepolentaspaghettifishvenicelombardyliguriasquid

Italian Food Jokes

Politics is like Italian food.

You get the same pasta, but with a different sauce.

What do you call a hooker that asks for payment in Italian food?

A pasta-tute.

I like to chat with others while eating Italian food.

It helps to pasta time.

My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Italian food.

I wouldn't put it pasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New fish...

It's a guy's first day in prison and he's not taking to it very well. He's off in the corner with that thousand -yard stare, hugging himself and rocking back and forth.
An old timer takes pity on him and walks over.

"How ya' doin', Kid? Having a rough time I see."

"Yeah, well- lo...

An Italian order Pizza in India

An Italian businessman goes to India on a business trip, but he hates Indian food because its too spicy for him. So he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get Italian food. The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they del...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A convict's first day in prison.

It's a convicts first day in prison. He's a young convict and he's crying. An older convict comes over and sits down.

He says look it's not so bad here. For instance, do you like movies? The new guy says, "Yeah I love movies." Every Monday we have movie night, first run movie.

Do you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New inmate at prison.

A new inmate arrives at prison and he is visibly scared and nervous when he is approached by a veteran inmate.

"Hey man, it's not so bad here. Let me ask you something, do you like movies?"

"Yeah, I like movies."

"Great! Every Monday we have a movie night. Let me ask you some...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy went to the bull fights

My buddy returned from Spain a few days ago and was telling me about his trip. He said he went to the bull fights and later found the best Italian food he had ever had right outside the stadium. The pasta was fresh, the sauce was amazing, and the meatballs were the most tender and well seasoned he h...

IRISH EATS ITALIAN

Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob dies and wakes up to find himself in Hell.

A man is waiting there to greet him. "Hello, Bob!" the man says "Welcome to Hell. Since Hell generally gets a lot of bad press, I have been sent here to point out all the good things about Hell"

Bob seems dubious, but listens as the man says "So, Bob, do you like Italian food?"

"I su...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man was sent to prison,

Upon his arrival an older man welcomed him to make sure he was comfortable.
The older man asked "Do you like baseball?" the young man replied "of course, I loved playing it as a kid" the older man said "we'll that's great we play baseball all day Monday".
The older man asked "Do you like mo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to prison...

He's pretty nervous, having never been behind bars before.

He turns to his cellmate and says, "I've never been to prison before, I'm not sure I'm going to make it!"

The cellmate, eager to comfort the new inmate, "Aw, prison ain't so bad! I think you'll grow to enjoy it after awhile."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John Cooper Clarke's hairdresser joke, slightly paraphrased.

A man is at the hairdresser and makes conversation.

The hairdresser asks him "You going anywhere for your holidays?"

The man says, "Me and my wife are going to Rome".

"Why do you want to go to Rome?"

"I love Italian food".

"Well, it's all fish and chip shops in Rom...

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Newton [Long]

A man called Newton goes to a Chinese restaurant. He orders some fortune cookies. When they arrive, he opens one and sees what's in it. Only one word is written:

*Newton*

Newton raises his eyes in a mixture of confusion and surprise. How the hell did that coincidence happen? Why was hi...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.