UPJOKE
sacrilegegodsacredreligionapostasyheresyprofanationdesecrationislamquranshariafatwainfidelblasphemy lawstate religion

Blasphemy Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My classic blasphemy joke in honor of the occasion...

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.

He sits down and orders a drink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happy Blasphemy Day!

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk are all flying on a plane carrying starving children from africa. Suddenly, the pilot loses control, and announces that the plane is going down and there are only 4 parachutes. The pilot grabs one of them and jumps off the plane.

The monk looks to the other two a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People commonly believe that Jesus died a virgin, but I heard he got nailed right before he died.

Blasphemy.

I understand that some people don't like when I poke fun at God or religion

but, it's always been a blasphemy!

A young pastor is called into his superior.

"Some in the congregation have accused you of blasphemy after your last sermon. Do you know why?"

"I was just talking about the illness of one of our congregants," replies the young pastor. "That's when people got mad."

"That sounds odd. What did you say?"

"I said: 'God is good:...

I just found out Ireland still has a law against blasphemy.

Jesus Christ!

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

Oh the blasphemy

**How do you make holy water?**

*You boil the hell out of it...*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Group of middle school students visit the Vatican

The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.

Teacher: "This famous painting made Michelangelo represents the God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?"

Susan decides to speak:

"Nice muscles", she says

Teacher is furiou...

What did the Pope say to the hot atheist girl?

Shake that blasphemy

My God will save me

Just to start off, this joke was considered blasphemy by a devout Christian. Sorry if it offends you for whatever reason.

John was on the roof of his house as the city was flooding.

A raft stops by and ask the man, "Hey, jump into the raft. The entire city is flooded and you're going t...

A Mezuzah For Lamborghini

After years of hard work, a man who has finally made his way in business decides to treat himself and buys an extravagance: A new Lamborghini!


However, after buying it, he feels a bit guilty. So, he goes to the Rabbi of the Orthodox synagogue in his town and asks for a mezuzah for the L...

It is early January of 1793. The commotion outside of the Castle of Versailles is growing louder by the minute. Louis XVI, however, is not bothered, as he is getting his new suit matched, pleated and frilled in his chambers by his favorite tailor.

"Ah yes, Poilon, superb work with the gold thread on my boot leather as per usual. And now: the silk pants with Morocco pearls."

"Y-your Majesty... I think they're breaking down the front wall."

"Nonsense! Clothe me or I shall have you beheaded!"

"Absolutely, your majesty! There...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke about golf and a priest (A bit long)

So a priest is playing golf with a professional golfer and they are having a pretty even match. They are up to the 6th hole with the scores level and all the golfer has to do is get a 4 foot putt. He hits the ball but it misses. The frustrated golfer shouts
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I MISSED THE ...

I business man decides to open a bar in small town in Texas...

It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

His bar began construction on a new building on the same street as one of the town churches (one of twelve) to increase their business. The local Baptist church among other god fearing folk of course were sho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So it was St. Patrick's Day in Ireland...

and Sheamus and Murphy were going to grab some beers. As they went out Sheamus looked at Murphy and said "Murphy it's Saint Patrick's day and we don't got fuckin' money, what are we gonna do?"
Murphy says "I got an idea meet me at the butcher shop in 10 minutes."
10 minutes goes by and they'r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.