I just found out Ireland still has a law against blasphemy.

Jesus Christ!

My God will save me

Just to start off, this joke was considered blasphemy by a devout Christian. Sorry if it offends you for whatever reason.

John was on the roof of his house as the city was flooding.

A raft stops by and ask the man, "Hey, jump into the raft. The entire city is flooded and you're going t...

Oh the blasphemy

**How do you make holy water?**

*You boil the hell out of it...*

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

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Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

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My classic blasphemy joke in honor of the occasion...

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.

He sits down and orders a drink.

A priest goes out practice golfing and has an altar boy caddy for him.

Right off the first tee the priest immediately hooks the ball into a sand trap. He mutters, "God Dammit!!!" The shocked altar boy says, "Father! Isn't that blasphemy?" The priest says, "Awww I'm a priest, he'll forgive me."
On the second tee he hits a bad slice, the ball bounces off a tree and ...

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Happy Blasphemy Day!

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk are all flying on a plane carrying starving children from africa. Suddenly, the pilot loses control, and announces that the plane is going down and there are only 4 parachutes. The pilot grabs one of them and jumps off the plane.

The monk looks to the other two a...

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My contribution to Blasphemy day - A pothead died...

and went to heaven.

Upon reaching the heavenly gates, Saint Peter asked him:

"What was your occupation on earth my son?"

The pothead replied: "I used to smoke a lot of marijuana sir."

Saint Peter then got a little confused in his head because he had never heard of anythin...

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Group of middle school students visit the Vatican

The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.

Teacher: "This famous painting made Michelangelo represents the God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?"

Susan decides to speak:

"Nice muscles", she says

Teacher is furiou...

I business man decides to open a bar in small town in Texas...

It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

His bar began construction on a new building on the same street as one of the town churches (one of twelve) to increase their business. The local Baptist church among other god fearing folk of course were sho...

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People commonly believe that Jesus died a virgin, but I heard he got nailed right before he died.

Blasphemy.

I understand that some people don't like when I poke fun at God or religion

but, it's always been a blasphemy!

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So it was St. Patrick's Day in Ireland...

and Sheamus and Murphy were going to grab some beers. As they went out Sheamus looked at Murphy and said "Murphy it's Saint Patrick's day and we don't got fuckin' money, what are we gonna do?"
Murphy says "I got an idea meet me at the butcher shop in 10 minutes."
10 minutes goes by and they'r...

What did the Pope say to the hot atheist girl?

Shake that blasphemy

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A joke about golf and a priest (A bit long)

So a priest is playing golf with a professional golfer and they are having a pretty even match. They are up to the 6th hole with the scores level and all the golfer has to do is get a 4 foot putt. He hits the ball but it misses. The frustrated golfer shouts
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I MISSED THE ...

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