UPJOKE
movearouseevokeexcitecommotionprovokeraiseagitatethrillcall forthstimulateflurrybustleshakeagitation

Stirring Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man tells his Mom he’s gay

A young man decides that the upcoming holiday is a good time to tell his Mom that he's gay. He's in college, making new friends, and will eventually want to bring one of them home to meet the family. He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll ans...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Marine, A Navy SEAL, and a Delta Force member are sitting around a fire....

The marine says, "I once killed 50 enemy combatants with a single belt of my M249." The Navy SEAL says, "I wiped out an entire enemy compound with my K-Bar." The two look at the Delta Force and expect him to pipe up, but he just stares at the fire, stirring the coals with his penis.

Stirring the Sauce

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, but the girl's mother lives downstairs. The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs."Momma, Momma," she cries. "I can't believe it! He has hair all over his ch...

God damn reptiles constantly stirring people up...

but what can you expect from all these insti-gators...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys are settling down after a long day herding cattle.

The first cowboy says, "You know, it takes a real man's man to do this job. I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why? just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second cowboy not t...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...

Because the carbon monoxide detector failed.

Merry Christmas Reddit!

What do you say when a stirring utensil is doing something unsafe?

Hey that's whisky behavior

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Military Joke

An Army Ranger, a Recon Marine, a Navy SEAL, and a member of Delta Force are sitting around a camp fire. The Army Ranger, bragging about his exploits says "You guys aren't so tough, I once parachuted down, marched fifty miles, and killed everyone in sight." The Recon Marine is unimpressed, and says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys sitting around a campfire

Two are arguing who is tougher.

"Last week I rode a 2000lb bull it bucked me off so I punched it one time and it turned into steaks" said the first.
"That's nothing, last time I had sex I used a live rattler for a condom" boasted the second.

The third said nothing, and continued qui...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys (nsfw)

Three cowboys are sitting around a fire boasting about how tough they are.

The cowboy from Oklahoma says, "I was driving cattle last year, and was bit on the ass by a rattler. Finished the cattle drive. Took three days before I got the doc to look at me. Didn't shed a tear."

The cowbo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is cooking dinner and her husband walks in the door, shaking his head and laughing...

"You'll never believe the bullshit I heard at work today. Bill Jenkins was bragging that he's fucked every woman on our street but one."

His wife smirks, stirring the gravy. "I bet it's that snooty old Cathy Anderson."

A timid little man was terrified of flying, and was on a long distance trip.

He was on his first ever flight, and he had the window seat. Besides him sat a giant man, heavily tattooed, and not smelling the cleanest.

After the plane took off, the timid little fellow soon found himself feeling sick. But he didn't know how to get past the large fellow that sat between ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

tall tales and being a man

A few of us were sitting around a campfire. One of my buddies, he's a park ranger, was telling us about this huge bear that was going to attack a family and he had to wrestle it to the ground. Wound up killing it with his bare hands.

Well, after he was done talking we all took a few more sips...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Cowboys NSFW

Three cowboys sat around a campfire, all exchanging tall tales about how tough they all were.

The first cowboy says “I’m the toughest of the bunch. I was out in the tall grass, looking for a good spot to take a piss. All the sudden this snake appears. And you can see in its eyes, it’s out fo...

Thanksgiving An old couple had been married for 50 years. Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: "One of these days you're going to fart your guts out."

It's Thanksgiving morning. The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea:

...

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Army Ranger, Recon Marine, Seal, and a Delta Operator are sitting around a campfire.

So the Ranger being a Ranger starts bragging about how tough he is... “you think you guys are tough?” he says

“I’ve parachuted behind enemy lines, did a 50 mile night march and killed a dozen terrorist with my bare hands.”

The Recon Marine is like “man that ain’t shit”

“I’ve lan...

The Italian bride

A newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride's mother's country cottage. It's the 1930s the bride’s father died long ago, and they don't have much money so this is the best they can do. The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a m...

My buddy finds me in the kitchen late at night.

I'm standing over the stove stirring a pot of boiling water. Steam is just going everywhere.

My buddy asks me: "What are you doing?"

I reply: "I'm making holy water."

My buddy stares at me and points at the pot. "How is that making holy water?"

"I'm boiling the hell out o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a guy who was having chronic trouble getting an erection.

After weeks of frustration, he finally decides he is going to go see a doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and eventually makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says.

"The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deterioratin...

Two soldiers sat around a campfire, in a heavily besieged city.

The younger soldier said to the older soldier: "I am too young to die, I don't even know what the taste of a woman is like. Can you share your wife with me?"

The older soldier kept stirring a large cooking pot and replied: "Hold your horses, she is not even fully cooked yet."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys sat around a fire...

Three cowboys sat around a fire comparing who was tougher. The first one said, I once had to kill a bear with my bare hands. The second cowboy said, I once had to punch a stampeding bull and knock him out cold. The third cowboy sat in silence, staring at the fire, slowly stirring the embers with his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amercian, a Russian and a Shepherd from mountains are drinking.

American starts boasting : " Guys , in USA we have such a big hangar , that it takes a full tank of fuel to cross from one side to other." Russian: " aa that is nothing , we in mother russia , we have such a large pot for potatoes , that we use two nuclear submarines for stirring." . Shepherd " Well...

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars.

Two American astronauts are launched to Mars. When they reach the Martian surface they see a beautiful red-skinned, red-haired woman. Using their language-translation machine, they tell her they are from Earth. They see she is stirring a big pot, and every now and then she pulls a newborn baby from ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.