Did you hear about the cannibal with indigestion?

He ate someone who disagreed with him

If I can't resist eating sourdough bread, but it gives me incredible indigestion....

Does that make me a sourdough-masochist?

My best friend just died from severe indigestion...

I still can’t believe Gaviscon.

Bayern has indigestion

They 8-2 much!

What do you call Muhammad Ali with indigestion?

Gaseous Clay

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A man goes to visit his elderly father in a nursing home.

He's running late, so arrives later than normal. The nurse on duty tells him visiting hours are nearly over but he can sit with his father while she gives him his medication. He agrees and the nurse comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and three pills. The man eyes the pills curiousl...

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What do you call a homosexual boxer with indigestion?

Gassius Gay

Why did the cannibal get indigestion after eating his high school debate team rival?

He ate something that disagreed with him

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A woman went to the doctor with indigestion.

The doctor examined her and told her she was pregnant. 'I can't be' she said 'I am not married and havn't had sex for months'. The doctor thought for a minute and then asked if her boyfriend was a member of the SAS. 'Yes' she exclaimed 'how did you know?' The doctor said 'well, they are trained to g...

Yo mama so dumb

She thought her indigestion was lactose intolerance living in the milky way.

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A gambler dies and goes to Heaven...

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on t...

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

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My friends didn't anticipate upset stomach after eating at Barcelona.

Obviously, nobody expects the spanish indigestion.

Jim was a cannibal

One day he got into an argument with someone so he killed and ate them.

A few days later he was at the doctor's office with terrible indigestion.

The doctor said "It appears that you ate something that disagreed with you".

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I used to drink absinthe

I used to drink absinthe, but it caused me bad indigestion and terrible wind, weirdly, it sounded like a Japanese motorbike.

I went to a doctor who told me it wasn't uncommon, that everybody knows "absinthe makes the fart go Honda".

The husband in a married couple kept farting horribly in bed,

The husband in a married couple kept farting horribly in bed, for years, it was terrible. His wife suffered greatly and kept nagging him to do something about his indigestion, often saying, “One day, Trevor, your horrible farting is going to force your guts right out!”

The husband only made f...

Did you hear about the roman fighter who ate his mother in law?

Terrible indigestion but he was gladiator.

Went to the doctors the other day..

Went to the doctors the other day.
Get into the surgery when his phone rings.

Doc said "I gotta go. Look after the surgery for me while I'm gone. Don't worry, there's only 3 more patients, it won't take long. I'll be back in 15 minutes."
And off he goes.

When he comes back, he as...

Helping The Doctor

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant.

"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".

"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.

The doctor goes ...

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