Two blondes go hunting in the forest...

As they come across some tracks one says

>Hey look, deer tracks!
One says

>You idiot, these are obviously moose tracks!
Says the other.

>Deer tracks!

>Moose tracks!

They started shoving each other and were shouting so much they never heard the tra...

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Gorilla Hunting *long*

A very rich man decides that he is going to take a trip to Africa to hunt the legendary Great White Gorilla. But as he has no hunting experience, he places an ad to hire a hunting guide. Days go by and no one answers his ad. The man is scheduled to leave for his trip in 2 days and still not a single...

Hunting camp always has a bob....

Every morning Bob would walk over to his favorite log to drop his morning log. While doing his business, he would fall asleep, when he woke up, he would have done his business in his sleep. It was a good system.

His buddies knew his morning routine and thought it would be fun to pla...

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A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.

The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to r...

Dave wanted to go hunting for the first time by himself, yet he was afraid that he would get lost.

"I've got an idea!" Dave said. "I'll take this bottle of Jack Daniels with me." (Jack Daniels is a brand alcohol for those of you that don't know.)

He goes on his hunting trip, and before you know it, he gets lost.

Days later, a search party was dispatched to find Dave, but a week pass...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head go hunting....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head go hunting....

The first day, they set up camp and the brunette goes out on her own. Later that afternoon, she returns with a deer in tow! "Wow," said the blonde, "How did you find that?!"

"It's easy," said the brunette, "I just followed the tracks!"...

In Transylvania. We go hunting for bear!

Father tells son:

Son! We go hunting for bear! Bring the dog, rope and the gun.

So the boy asks: Why we need the dog and the rope?

Because, when we go hunting for bear. The bear will be up on the tree. I climb up, shake the bear down. When the bear falls the dog will bite his n...

A chemist, physicist, and statistician go hunting.

They are behind a bush and all three see a 12 point buck off into the distance.



The chemist stands up and shoots at the deer but misses 50 yards to the left.



The physicist stands up and shoots at the deer and misses 50 yards to the right.



The statistician...

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Hunting accident

Three friends went bird hunting. While walking across an open field, they came across an old fence. Two of the hunters quickly climbed over the fence. Being a little chubby, the third hunter decided he needed an easier way to get over the fence. He leaned his shotgun against the fence, walked down t...

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A hunter tries a new hunting spot

It's a beautiful and large forest,

"I'd be sure to find some deer in here" he thought to himself

After a few hours trying and failing to find any deer the hunter realized he's hopelessly lost. He decides the only way out is to get someone's attention. He aims and fires three times int...

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

"Will you marry me?"


The Princess said "NO!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fucked women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank, and scratched his balls...

A man goed bear hunting for the first time in a long while...

Hiding in the woods he spots a bear through the scope of his hunting rifle. He aims... shoots... and hits the bear!

Excited to hit the bear in one shot he grabs his gear and runs over to where te bear was hit. But to his disappointed, the bear is not there and not a single trace of blood can ...

Hunting Fun

Two guys go hunting one day and they come across a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence. The first guy says to his buddy, "Man I'm not gonna lie. It's been a while. This sheep is looking pretty good."

Second guy says, "sure dude. Go for it. I won't tell anyone."

So the 1st guy pulls...

I saw a homeless man & I asked him if I gave him $20 would you buy booze? He said no he hadn't had a beer in years. Then I said if I give you $20 will you buy hunting gear? He again said no, he stopped hunting 5 years ago.

So then I said I'll do you better than $20. I'll take you home let you all cleaned up. My wife will cook a fantastic meal for you. Then I'll bring you back & still give you $20.
He asked me won't she get mad? I said it didn't matter.
I just wanted her to see what happens to a man whe...

Three men go hunting. One is kind of tipsy, one is just plain drunk, the third one however is so smashed, he can barely hold himself upright.

They lay on the lookout and wait. At some point later they make out a big deer with beautiful antlers.

The one who is the least drunk levels his gun, takes a shot, but misses. The second most drunk guy does the same, but he misses too. The deer is now running towards them. The third guy, who...

A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elep...

Two Native Americans were out hunting.

One of them kneeled down and put the side of his ear on the ground, after a few moments he sits up and says "Buffalo come."

His friend is impressed and asks "How do you know?"

The other answered. "Sticky ear."

A man took his son on a hunting trip.

One day, a man took his son on a hunting trip to Silver Mountain for his sixteenth birthday like his father took him and like his grandfather took his father. As they arrived though, they saw signs everywhere that said "Private property. No hunting."

The dad was upset since it was the end of ...

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A lawyer is hunting ducks in the woods.

Much to his dismay, after hours and hours he hasn't spotted a single one. Finally, he spots a duck past the treeline, and gets ready to shoot. The duck is sitting on a fence post, nice and open; an easy shot. The lawyer takes aim and fires - it's a perfect shot, and the duck falls over onto the othe...

A cowboy rides into a small town, hunting a notorious outlaw.

In an effort to figure out where the outlaw might be taking shelter for the night, the cowboy asks the opinion of the local saloon keeper.


The saloon keep says:

"Well, if he's riding northwest I'd put my money on him passing by Gutstab Gulch and-"


"Hold on now, Gut Stab ...

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A man goes bear hunting in the woods

He finds a rather large bear and it spots him. He tries to shoot it but misses. The bear swats the gun out of his hands and trows him to the ground. Then rips his pants off and fucks him in the ass.

A few days later the now very sore hunter come back with a much larger rifle and attempts to s...

An engineer, a physicist and a statiscian go hunting in the woods.

They spot a deer and take turns shooting at it. First goes the physicist. He look at the angle, calculates the speed of the bullet and shoots but his shot goes 50 meters to the right. The engineer says he didn't count for the wind and he also makes his measurement and shots but his shot goes 50 mete...

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A man joins a new hunting club.

His first night at the lodge, he asks around for the guy with the best hunting stories.

“The man over there in the wheelchair is named James. He’s 90 years old and has been hunting all over the world for 70 years. He’s got some great stories”.

So the man walks over, introduces himself...

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A man takes his friend hunting.

Boudreaux takes his buddy Thibodeaux hunting with him one day. Thibodeaux is new to hunting and is very tired from getting up early. They split up and start hunting for the day. After a few hours, Thibodeaux needs to take a shit. He squats against a tree and starts to go, but he falls asleep mid pro...

I went driving into the woods to go hunting. The sign said BEAR LEFT

So I went home.

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Boudreaux and Thibodeau go hunting one weekend

While out in the woods, they are able to track and kill a deer that morning. While Thibodeau is gutting the deer, Boudreaux feels nature’s call and tells Thibodeau he has to go pop a squat. So, Boudreaux finds a tree a little bit away and does his business. However, he falls asleep!

Thibodeau...

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A man is hunting in the savana and suddenly a lion appears

The lion asks: I'll either kill you or fuck you, what do you choose?

The hunter said: Fuck me.

The next day he went hunting again and one more time the lion found him, and asked: I'll either kill you or fuck you, what do you choose?

The hunter said: Fuck me.

The third da...

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

Marshall Dillon is returning from a 3-day trip hunting for outlaws. He see Chester walking down the middle of the street completely naked.

"Chester! What the hell are you doing walking down the street without your clothes?"

"Well, Mr. Dillon," says Chester, "since you were gone, Miss Kitty asked me to go on a picnic with her. So, we rode out to the woods, and she put a blanket on the ground. Then she took off all her clothes, an...

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A Hunting Story

One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awake...

Two Inuits are whale hunting

They have been out all day in their little boat. The wind starts to whip up and it's getting very cold. Their whale-skin coats aren't even cutting the chill. With each blast the cold eats at them. All of a sudden one of them jumps up and starts building a fire in the middle of the boat. He strips al...

Two men were hunting deep in the woods one late afternoon

As the sun set over the horizon, the two hunters realized they were lost. Finding themselves outside of signal range and miles from civilization, they mulled over their options for rescue.

"Oh," one man perked up, "I remember reading that if you fire three shots in the air, it's a sign of dis...

Two political rivals are out hunting

For publicity...
One of them falls out of his spot high in a tree.
The other one calls 911 and says “I think my friend, my dear old friend has died!”
The operator then says “you need to check to make sure he’s...”

He interrupts and responds “okay hold on.....<bang!>”

Oka...

Two Minnesota hunters travelled south to Iowa, one winter, to hunt deer.

After tracking a big stag for miles they finally get it in their sites and take it down.

As they struggled dragging the dead animal across the snowy, open fields, back to their pickup, they were stopped by a DNR officer and he asked to see their hunting licenses and stamps.

Assured...

An engineer, a carpenter, and a statistian go deer hunting

As they wait in their blind a big buck walks up. The engineer stands up, takes a shot, and misses. "Darn," he says, "two yards to the left."

The carpenter takes a shot and misses. "darn, two yards to the right," he says.

The statistician jumps up and yells "YES! We got him!"

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An Irish man loved his golf, but he was a terrible golfer, it would seem, as he often found himself hunting for his balls in the woods

on one such occasion, he happened upon a leprechaun. whom it would appear he had accidently hit with his errant shot.

Gently shaking him awake, he asks "Are you ok?"

"Aye, you show such kindness to me. I will grant ye three wishes."


"T'is OK, I am already blessed enough...

A guy was hunting with his buddy ...

“Hey man I can see your house from here and your wife is cheating on you!”

“I have had enough of her, shot her in the head shot him in the balls.”

“I can get both in one shot.”

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Three men are out drinking and getting ready to hunt

After knocking more than a few back they decide to go hunting individually to see who could bring back the best kill.

A long day of hunting finished, the first man returns to the camp with a passable buck, and the second man returns empty handed. The two men go to work gutting the deer and wa...

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Guy wanted to take his wife duck hunting

She'd never been hunting so they prepared the night before.

She made breakfast and lunch for the trip while he got all the hunting stuff clean and got his dog, Butch, ready for the trip. They went to bed early.

The next morning, the guy got up and went to check on everything. It was na...

My cat loves hunting lizards but he never kills them.

He's just all about the details.

Florida Man calls 911

Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

Florida Man: "Hello ma'am, me and my buddy Jackson were out duck hunting, when a big gator came out of the water and attacked us. It bit up my leg real good, then it dragged Jackson under the water, but I scared it off with my shotgun."

O: "Okay,...

A guy is out hunting and sees a hawk flying high above him, so he shoots it. As he's retrieving the dead bird a game warden happens by and arrests him for killing a federally protected bird of prey.

At the courtroom, the man tells the judge he's been out of work for many months and only shot the hawk because he hadn't eaten in days. The judge decides to let him off with 6 months probation.

As the guy is leaving the judge says, "hey, what does hawk taste like anyway?"

The guy say...

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Big Game Hunter goes to Siberia to hunt Russian Bear

When he arrives on the train station (probably the only one in Siberia) he is greeted by the village hunter/gatherer/provider who has a very mangy, tiny, old dog leashed with a massive iron chain.
\-"Right, I'll help you." says the native "Here's what we're going to need: A great big blow horn,...

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Frank and John go hunting, as per usual on their sunday afternoon

John is blind, so Frank is always there to help him aim his rifle. As they're walking on the woods, Frank spots a deer:

F - (whispering) Oh, I spot a deer!

J - Nice, tell me where to aim.

F - You're basically facing him. Raise your rifle, perfect, now aim a little bit to your ri...

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

Hunting trip with the boys.

A Canadian, Native American, and a Newfie go on a hunting trip. On their first day of the hunt the Canadian comes back from his solo hunt with a magnificent moose. The Newfie then asks, "how did you get the moose?" The canadian replied, "i follow tracks and i get moose." On the second day, the Nativ...

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This guy's out hunting with his buddy.

He's got his scope up and says, "Oh my God, I can see your house from here and your wife's cheating on you with another guy!"

His buddy says, "I've had it with her. Shoot her in the head and shoot him in the private parts."

And his buddy replies, "I can get that with one shot!"

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A guy from the city decides to go hunting

He spends a bunch of money getting all the right equipment and gear and camouflage outfit, etc. then heads out to hunt some geese. He finds his local hunting grounds and heads out with his rifle. He spends all day not seeing a single animal, and just before he decides to give up, he sees a flock o...

Three men go on a hunting trip in the woods...

They gather around the fire at dusk. They eat and drink and tell stories. Then slowly the fire goes down, and they finish their drinks. The men have no more stories to tell, and boredom starts to take over.

"ENOUGH!" Says the first man, standing up. "We should do something! I bet the two of ...

Hunting gone wrong

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
...

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2 hunters chat about their hunting stories

2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just ...

Just A Man Shopping With His Wife

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl?

Nuclear fishin'.

When house hunting I look for a place where the people next door are successful at selling stolen items

Good fences make for good neighbors

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Don't follow a fox!

A lion is walking with his lioness in the woods, when suddenly a redfox appears out of no where and starts yelling at the lion calling him all names, the lioness turns to the lion and says : defend yourself! he is baffling your honor! to what the lion calmly responded : he is a little basted, beside...

I was illegally hunting for mushrooms.

I have questionable morels.

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A world champion in grizzly bear hunting wanted to shoot a polar one

He's got yet another prize in USA for hunting grizzlies, proving he's the best there is. Doesn't matter how hard it would be to hunt one, he would track them and hunt them.

One day he wanted the challenge, and thought he would step up his game and hunt for polar bears. He's no expert in polar...

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Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can...

Three men went on a hunting trip

They decided to have a bit of a competition and see who could get the largest prize on their own.

The first went out and after a while he brought back a magnificent buck. The others asked in amazement "how did you get it?"

He replied "I found some tracks, I followed the tracks, and bl...

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Little Johnny goes hunting (long)

One day little Johnny is walking down the street past the Old mans house carrying a roll of chicken wire.

The old man calls out from the rocking chair on his porch "What'ya got there boy?".

Little Johnny says back "I got me chicken wire! I'ma gonna catch me some chickens!".

The ...

2 men go hunting, one of which for his first time

They’re walking 10 meters apart or so, when they new hunter hears a sound and quickly turns & excitedly fires his rifle, just barely missing his friend.

“Good God man, be careful!” the friend yells.

“Oh man, I’m sorry!”

But no more than a few minutes later he does it again...

An 86 year old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check up

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor examined him and told him that aside from a low sperm count, he was perfectly healthy. The old man scoffed and said, "Nonsense, I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do y...

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Two guys are out hunting, when a rattle snake bites one of them on the dick.

Two buddies are out hunting. After a long day, they sit down to have a drink and relax. They both sit down on some fallen logs. Right as they settle in, a rattlesnake comes up from under the log, and bites one of them right in the dick.

The man starts screaming and falls to the ground. His bu...

A man in his 80’s went to a doctor with his beautiful, breathtaking 25 year old lady.

Doctor helped the frail old man in his clinic: What can I do for you today, sir?

Old man said to the Dr: I married this beautiful angel 2 months ago, and she is pregnant with my baby. At this age, I forgot how to care for the mother, I want to seek your advice.

Doctor a little taken ...

Kim Jong-Un decides he wants to go hunting and takes his three top ministers with him, the Minister of the Interior, the Minister of Defense, and the Minister of Propaganda.

After a short while of stomping aroiund in the woods, they come across some ducks. Kim turns to his Minister of the Interior.

"Shoot the ducks!" he orders.

The Minister of the Interior raises his shotgun, aims, fires, and misses all the ducks.

Kim stares at him. The ducks start ...

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.



They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.



The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let ...

I’ve been experimenting recently with nighttime hunting

But I’m used to hunting in the daytime so this is just a shot in the dark

A little girl went bow hunting with her Dad,

and when they found two nice ones she put her hair in pigtails.

I’m making a movie about looking for vintage records at thrift shops.

It’s called “Goodwill Hunting.”

I was hunting in the woods when I got chased by a grizzly

I bearly made it out alive

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An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

Bear With Me...

A guy goes hunting with a shotgun. He spots a great big BEAR in the woods. He aims, fires, a blast of smoke fills the air.

The smoke clears and... nothing. The guy feels a tap on his shoulder. Turns around, it's THE BEAR!

The Bear says "Bend over."

The next year the guy goes h...

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A New Yorker goes hunting in the Alps...

... he’s never hunted in his life, so he gets a local guide to show him.

The guide explains “Is very easy, up the mountain, Pierre will make the sound of an elk in heat, the elk will come out of his cave, you point the shotgun at it and shoot. Got it?”

“Yeah yeah, this’ll be easy” say...

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Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.....

....He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or w...

After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack...

Cheese and quackers.

Two men die at exactly the same time

When they get to the pearly gates St. Peter tells them that rules are rules and he can only allow one of them to enter, but to keep it fair, he’ll allow the one who can come up with a poem with the last line Timbuktu. The men think a while, and the first man says “OK, I’ve got mine!” St. Peter says ...

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Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend.. So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing.

Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everything alright? Did that man hurt you?", Dave asked.

"No no, everything is alright.", she says as she wipes her tears. "How can i help you?"

"...

How do planets staying busy during hunting season?

By shooting stars

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A man decided to go hunting...

He drove up to the wilds and stopped at a hunting supply shop. The owner sold the man a precision hunting rifle and then the man went out to hunt. He’d read lots of information about hunting, picked his spot downwind of the watering hole and he waited... and waited.

He was surprised by a ta...

I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it's because she is cute with big brown eyes.

But in reality I just hope someone shoots her mother with a hunting rifle.

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Loud Snoring At Camp

Four guys were at deer hunting camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Luigi because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Luigi and comes to breakfast the...

Two men head back after a day of hunting.

As they get close to their cabin, they see a bloodhound on the porch obviously enjoying licking his genitals. The first man says. “I wish I could do that!” The second man says, “Go ahead, it’s your dog!”

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A man and his new hunting dog

A man is sitting at the bar of his local gun club with a few of his buddies after finishing their trap shoot. As they enjoy a cold beer, a man and his dog enter the bar. After a few minutes of pleasantries, the man with the dog says "Yea, this dog is incredible. I don't have to sit around and wait f...

What do you call a deer who has lost both eyes in a hunting accident?

No eye deer

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Mac and Dave are out hunting in the woods when Dave trips over something.

He looks back and picks up a lamp, buried in the undergrowth. As he gives it a quick rub, a genie pops out.

"WHO DISTURBS MY ENDLESS SLEEP!?" Booms the genie, "MY FURIOUS WRATH YOU NOW SHALL REAP!"

Mac helps Dave to his feet and pulls him away from the angered genie.

"Ta Mac",...

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Two friends go hunting

Two friends named Billy and Bobby decided to go hunting as the season had started.They got pretty far from where they left they car and time had past without finding anything so they decide to split up.After a while billy heard screaming from far away,he recognized the voice to be Bobby's so he spri...

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears...

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears. Being somewhat exhausted, the Czech said, "*I'm tired. Why don't you two go hunting? I'll stay here and make up camp for the night.*"

The Frenchman and the Irishman continue hunting ...

Duck hunting...

Two duck hunters and their dogs aren't having any luck.
One turns to the other and says,
"Maybe we aren't throwing the dogs high enough."

A woman walked into the kitchen

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked "How can you...

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.

Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite...

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A noble goes hunting...

...with his servant. They haven't gotten far from house when noble realizes that ground is muddy and ruining his shoes.

He tells servant: "I'm going to wait here, run back to house and bring me my riding boots".

Servant, seizing the moment, runs into house and into noble's daughter's ...

Two blondes went out deer hunting...

...and they managed to shoot a deer. They started dragging the deer by the hind legs to get it back to their pick up truck.

An experienced hunter saw them and said, "No, girls, you're doing it wrong. You're dragging against the grain of the deer's hair. If you drag by the antlers, you'll...

The Hunter and the bear.

A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away ...

Bill and Bob go hunting. They split up, and Bob soon finds Bill with a snake bite in his neck.

Bob calls 911, and says “I went hunting with my friend and I just found him dead with a snake bite on his neck!” 911 says “Ok, first let’s make sure he’s dead”. A gunshot is heard. Bob says, “Ok, now what?”

A Physicist, an Engineer and a Statistician go out hunting together...

The three of them are hunting for deer and manage to see one. The physicist attempts the shot by shooting directly at it.

He misses by 5 metres to the left.

Engineer: "you forgot to consider the wind resistance! Let me take a shot."

The Engineer takes a shot and missed by 5 metr...

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip.

They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes. ‘You forgot to account for wind. Giv...

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

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A group of friends decide to get together and go on a hunting trip in Georgia to get away for a few days. The arrangements are made and a few days later they are being picked up by their guide 'Bubba' at the airport and off to the hills of Georgia they go.

Bubba decides to hold a little church call before they take off on the hunt: "Now you city boys be real careful with them thar guns and don't go shooting each other in the foot and don't shoot nothing till I tell ya its all right. Now listen up real good to this here, you see them bunch of Hound dog...

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do...

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A hunter wants his wife to go hunting with him

His wife says she doesn't want to go. The husband replies, "Well, if you're not going with me. I want either a blow job or to butt fuck you, your choice. I'm going to go outside and get the dog ready."

So while the husband was outside, the wife thinks about it for awhile and decides to give h...

Frank goes hunting in the woods by himself.

He comes across a small black bear drinking from a stream so he shoots and kills it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a large black bear.

"Hey", says the bear. "You just killed my cousin. What's your name?"

"Um....Frank", the hunter says nervously.

...

A hunter had been out hunting bear all day, when he came across a fast flowing river.

The water was nice and cool, so he set his rifle down and began to splash water on his face to cool down from the many hours of hunting. The hunter looked up just a monster Grizzly Bear was charging at him full speed roaring like a freight train. Then about 20 yards out the hunter dropped to his kne...

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An old man is sitting with his grandson in his hunting cabin...

Among the walls are the mounted heads and pelts of animals he had taken down over the years.

The boy points to a sizable pair of antlers, and says "Wow Grandpa, those are *big* antlers!"

"They sure are. That deer was a majestic creature," the old man responds.

The boy then poin...

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