Hunters Jokes - 67 Hilarious Hunters Jokes

2 hunters are lost in the woods...

After wandering around for a couple hours they decide to weigh their options, one says, "I heard if you shoot in the air someone will hear and come to your rescue", so they fire a few times in the air and wait, nothing happens so they try again a couple more times, after a few hours of this they're ...

Two hunters are walking through the woods when they come across a large hole.

It's so deep that they can’t see the bottom. One hunter goes looking for something to throw down the hole hoping to see how deep it is.

He finds a rusty old anvil near by and throws it down the hole. The hole is so deep they never hear it hit the bottom.

Suddenly, they hear speeding h...

Two Irish hunters from Belfast hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.

The two Irishmen objected strongly, stating; "Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."
<...

Two hunters were walking around in the woods around twilight

One of them grabs the other and pulls him back from a 6-foot diameter, perfectly smooth hole.

"You saved my life" says the hunter. "I wonder how far down that hole goes..."

So they find an old anvil and throw it in the hole. As they're listening for the anvil to hit, a goat comes runni...

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Two hunters are out deep in the woods...

All of a sudden, one of the men grabs his chest, lets out a groan, and collapses motionless to the ground.

The other hunter pulls out his mobile phone in a panic, and dials the emergency line. "We are out hunting, and I think my friend just died!"

"Calm, down," says the operator. "Firs...

Two hunters lost in the woods

They had been lost for a long time and were both starving. While walking, one of the hunters notices a tree that has thin slices of meat hanging from it. He yells to the other and points towards the tree: "Look, we're saved!!! There's a BACON TREE!!!". He starts running for the tree when all of a su...

Two hunters were walking in the woods...

One of them stops and says, "Whoa, whoa! Watch out for that hole!".

They both stop and look down what appears to be the deepest hole they'd ever seen, right in the ground in front of them.

"How deep is that?", one of them asks the other.

"I dunno, let's throw something down an...

2 hunters are duck hunting.....

After a couple hours and missing on several flocks, theyre not having any luck catching anything, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe we haven't caught anything yet", to which the other responds, "i know right, maybe we aren't throwing the dog up high enough"

Instead of partying, my friend goes to the woods every weekend to distract deer hunters.

That’s how he saves a few bucks.

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Three Hunters.

Three hunters, Bill, Eric, and Justin were going deer hunting, but they were having no luck. Bill says he needs to take a dump. He gets up and wanders away to find a log. While he was gone, Eric shot a deer. They skinned it. Bill didn't come back. They cleaned it. Bill **still** didn't come back. So...

Hunter...

Two hunters fly to Kenya, where they bag six gazelles. As the crew is loading the small plane to return, the pilot says the aircraft can take only four gazelles back.

“Last time, the pilot let us take all six, and he had the same plane as yours,” argues the first hunter.

Reluctantly, t...

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The three hunters story

This is a joke my grandfather used to tell. He just passed away so I thought I'd share it here.

Three friends decided to take a hunting trip. The first friend was a genius and succeeded at everything he tried. The second friend was an average Joe and got through life just fine. The third fri...

When people use metal detectors, they’re treasure hunters…

but when _I_ do it, I’m “a thief” and I “need to leave the war memorial.”

Double standards, man. I swear

Two Hunters and a Goat

Two hunters are walking along in the deep of autumn, stalking a buck, when they come across a clean-cut, 10-ft diameter hole, that goes too deep to see the bottom.

“A sinkhole?” one hunter asks, “How deep does this go?” The other shrugs.

The first hunter looks around and finds a stick,...

Hunters

A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmers yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.

The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I do...

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The drunk Norwegian hunters

Three Norwegian hunters had been out on their yearly hunting trip. The hunt had been a great success as they all bagged a deer.

So now they were drinking around the campfire like the tradition was after a successful hunt. The three celebrated hard and long since it was the first time they al...

Women love hunters

Top 10 most important men for women:-

1. The doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"
2. The dentist because he says, "Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown"
4. The milkman because he says, "Do you want it in the front or in back?"
5...

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Three hunters meet

Three hunters meet and praise how good their dogs are.
First:
- I went hunting once - I took the rifle and forgot the ammunition. I gave the dog to sniff a rifle, then he brought a box of ammunition.
Second:
- I went hunting once - I took the ammunition and forgot the rifle. I gave the d...

Bear hunters

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but ...

Two hunters are tracking a deer when they stumble upon a deep hole...

They can’t see the bottom of this hole and were wanting to see how deep it went. One of the hunters found an anvil next to the hole and threw it down. They were waiting to hear the thud of the anvil hitting the ground but they didn’t hear anything. Suddenly, the hunters heard a charging sound. The h...

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The rabbit was running away from two hunters

He stoped for a second to tell the old shepherd something, and continued running.
Soon the hunters caught up and asked the old shepherd: "Have you seen the rabbit passing through here?"

Shepherd without hesitation answerd : "Yes he passed through here."

Hunters wanting to make fun...

Two hunters are lost in woods.

After spending several hours wandering through the woods, Bob and Jim are thoroughly lost. Disorientated, they sit down to discuss what to do next. "Hey, I have an idea," says Bob. "If we each fire three shots into the air, someone will hear them and come to help us."

Jim agrees, so each of ...

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Seasoned hunter

A group of young men who are on a hunting trip stop at the lodge. They hang out at the bar, drinking beer and talking.

Suddenly an older hunter walks in and the patrons fall silent. Everyone stares at the man as he walks up to the bar, sits down and orders whiskey. The silence in the room is ...

2 hunters, Bill and Tom, were out in the Blue Mountains one wintery day – looking for some feral game.

After nearly an entire day without a sighting they spotted a herd of feral goats and started stalking.

So excited & intent were they on their targets that one of them, Bill, didn't watch his footing and had the misfortune to trip and fall off a 12m cliff. Tom found him at the bottom in g...

Why do Scotsmen make good ghost hunters?

Because after they enter a house there’s nae spirits left

Three hunters found a set of tracks in the forest.

The first hunter says, "These are deer tracks".

"No", the second hunter says. "These are wolf tracks".

The third hunter is about to say something, when they are all hit by the train.

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So there is this bear hunter

So this chap is out bear hunting. He sees a large bear, sneaks up on it, takes his shot and misses!

The bear spots him and charges. The hunter runs but trips and the bear is on him. To his surprise the bear doesn't maul him to death but says:

"Look, I've eaten today but I am a bit ho...

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2 hunters chat about their hunting stories

2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just ...

A pair of hunters went moose hunting and chartered a small plane to carry them.

At the end of the day, they had bagged six moose and were abou to load them in the plane.

The pilot disagreed with them, saying the plane could only take four safely.

The hunters argued, saying that last year, the pilot had allowed them to carry all six onboard on the same plane.
...

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First time deer hunter

Two deer hunters went hunting one morning and it was the first hunt for one of them. The seasoned hunter told the newbie to set here at this tree and don't move no matter what happens or you will scare the deer away. Okay I won't move the newbie said. After several hours the seasoned hunter mad...

Two Minnesota hunters travelled south to Iowa, one winter, to hunt deer.

After tracking a big stag for miles they finally get it in their sites and take it down.

As they struggled dragging the dead animal across the snowy, open fields, back to their pickup, they were stopped by a DNR officer and he asked to see their hunting licenses and stamps.

Assured...

Three hunters go into the forest

One is really good, one is ok, and the third one is bad.

the first day, the good hunter goes out and comes back after a few hours with two deer. Astounded, the other two ask how he did it. he says "simple. I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer, and bring it home fo...

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A Hunter's Resilience

Two deer hunters had decided to go hunting on opening day of the season. They had left in the afternoon because both had day jobs and could not get time off.

About halfway to their turn-off they see a sign that reads, "Aunt Gracy's Diner, Next Exit". They were ahead of schedule, so both agree...

Two hunters were hunting in the woods

When one of them spots a hole in the ground that looks unusually deep. He picks up a rock and throws it in the hole, and never hears it hit the bottom.

"Try something heavier", the other man suggests. They find an old railroad tie nearby, pick it up and throw it down the hole. Two seconds lat...

Three hunters

A: My dog is so smart, he can spot an animal miles ahead.

B: My dog is so smart, he reloads my shotgun and lets me know when there's only one bullet left.

C: I know all about that.

A/B: How?

C: My dog told me.

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One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season…..

the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk...

A hunter on vacation

He had travelled far from the city and into the country side, and payed a man to hunt deer on his grounds. After many hours he saw the biggest deer he had ever seen, just on the boundary to the neighbouring farm.

He decided to shoot and he hit the deer. However it staggered onto the neighbour...

Hunters Birthday Present

What do you give a hunter for his Birthday.

A Birthday pheasant

3 hunters were walking in a forest when they came across some tracks.

One hunter claims they were bear tracks.

The second frowns, and says "No, those are certainly badger tracks."

The third just laughs and says, "Honestly! You two crack me up! Those are *obviously* baby elephant tracks!"

And then the train hit them.

Did you see the episode of House Hunters with King Henry VII?

He was looking for a Lancaster House with a Tudor garage.

Two hunters found a deep hole in the woods...

One hunter looked down in the hole and said to the other, "how deep you think that hole is?" The other hunter said "I don't know, lets throw somethin' down in there and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."
There was an old transmission laying next to the hole so the hunter picks it up and th...

What do car hunters do with a dead limousine?

Taxi-dermy

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The Hunters

Bill and his three hunting buddies head out into the mountains to hunt some deer at a cabin they rented. They bring classic rifles not very strong but good enough to bring down a deer. One of Bill's buddies notices a bear and takes a shot at him. The bullet hits the bear but it does nothing but piss...

Why do penny-pinchers make great hunters?

Because they’re good at picking up cents

A couple of hunters go out into an unfamiliar woods.

They're stopped by the Game Warden who asks them, "I don't recognize you fellers from around here. Do you boys know your way around these here woods?"

"Well no, but we can find our way out after we get our deer."

"Okay, but if you do happen to get lost, just fire 3 shots in the air. Th...

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Two hunters are walking through the woods...

Hunter 1- “I need to take a shit, but I don’t have anything to wipe with.”

Hunter 2- “do you have a dollar?”

Hunter 1- “yeah....”

Hunter 2- “just go behind that tree and use the dollar to wipe, I’ll wait.”

Hunter 1 disappears behind a tree for about 15 minutes, and when h...

Two hunters are on a trip...

...when suddenly, one of them clutches his chest. He coughs, he wheezes, then he falls over. Panicked, the other hunter takes out his cellphone and calls 911. He explains the situation:
"I'm hunting with a friend of mine and I'm afraid he's just had a heart attack. I think he's dead. What can ...

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Two hunters are stalking through the forest...

...when one says to the other that he has to take a dump.
''Well, go in the bushes.''
''What should I use to wipe my ass?''
''Use a dollar bill.''
A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with shit all over his hands.
“What happened?” asks his friend.
''I didn't have...

Two hunters were walking through the forest...

all of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, m...

A group of hunters gathered in the woods..

A group of hunters gathered around the campfire after a long, hard day in the woods. *"3"*, said one of the hunters, and the rest laughed.
*"8"*, another said, and they laughed even more.
Now, for one of the hunters, these numbers weren't very fun. He asks, *"Why is this fun?"*. The hunters lo...

Two hunters were having a chat in a bar

One of them says, "You know, I was hunting at the South Pole once and I see a big seal right within range. So I aim carefully and I take the shot and kill it. After about half an hour of walking through the nastiest blizzard, I see the biggest walrus I had ever seen in my life. I don't even aim, I j...

three monster hunters walk into the tavern

the tavern-keeper says "why do you have those swords"

monster hunters say "in case we find some mimics"

they laugh, the tavern-keeper laughs, the table laughs, they kill the table, they had a good time

Although its great for getting out of trouble with bounty hunters

Han's tendency to shoot first did not make Leia very happy.

Two hunters...

..went to a forest to hunt a tiger. They waited on a tree for hours, the tiger didn't show up. They felt the need to take a dump, but fearing the tiger they hatched a plan - they would sit back to back to each other to take the dump so that they would be able to see the tiger if it approaches from e...

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Two hunters are sitting in a deer stand.

The first one excitedly tells his buddy about the new binoculars he just bought "The image on these is razor-sharp. You can even see my house from here. Take a look!"

The second one takes a look and casually asks "What would you do if your wife cheated on you with your best friend?"

...

Two hunters are walking through the forest

They come across a hole in the ground, about 6 feet across. They look down the hole and realize they can't see the bottom.
The one hunter asks the other, "how deep could this hole be?"
The other finds an anvil nearby and throws it down the hole. They hear it fall, and fall, and fall, but no t...

Why do bear hunters always save the arms?

They have the right to bear arms.

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Two new hunters...

Are enjoying their time at the hunting lodge. Meeting the oldest member, a man in his 90s they commented that he must have a ton of stories. He replied, "yes, one stands out more than the others." Intrigued they asked to hear. "Well" , the old man says, "I was a younger man, in my 20s. I was in Al...

Amateur Hunters

Three guys are stuck in the forest, each with a hunting rifle and some ammo. One goes out and comes back with a rabbit. He says he just followed some tracks, aimed, and shot. The second goes out, comes back with a deer, says the same thing.

Finally, the third guy goes out, and comes back all ...

Two deer hunters

Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. “The plane won’t carry six deer, you’ll have to leave two of them,” said the pilot. Unwilling to leave their deer, the hunters said “We got six on the plane last ...

Two hunters are in a forest

When suddenly a bear charged right at one of them, biting him and severely wounding him.

The other hunter shoots at the bear, scaring it away and immediately calls the emergency services.

Hunter “yes hello I need an ambulance at the woods right now, I think my friend might be dead”
...

Two hunters are walking through the woods...

...when they come across a bear.

One hunter immediately bends down and begins tightening and tying his shoes.

The other hunter says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear."

The hunter immediately replies, "I dont have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."

Two Hunters

A classic...

Two hunters are out shooting turkey. One of them takes a leak, and gets bitten by a big black rattlesnake. The other hunter shoots the snake, but is too late: his friend got deeply bit on his wiener.

So, he calls 911 and proceeds to explain the situation: "my friend got b...

A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk

So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting

Two hunters are walking through the woods

One hunter falls down, hits his head on a rock and gets knocked out. The other hunter freaks out and calls 911. When the operator picks up, the hunter says "Help! My friend fell down and hit his head on a rock. He's not moving! I think he's dead!" The operator says, "Okay calm down sir. Before we se...

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Two bear hunters...

... are sitting around the campfire after a long, successful day of bear hunting. They had just finished cleaning and gutting their bears when the first bear hunter declares, "I gotta poo." So he runs off into the woods to do his business.
An hour passes, and the second bear hunter begins to wor...

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Two hunters went hunting for deer...

Bob and Jim went hunting for deer one day.

As polite hunters always do, they stopped by the farmhouse to ask the farmer for permission to hunt. The farmer agreed to let the two hunt, but warned them that he had a very large farm and it would be easy to become disoriented and lost.

The ...

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