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Beekeeper Jokes

I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.

“Sir, you gave me an extra.” That’s a freebie.

Why couldn’t the beekeeper afford a GPS device?

Because honey can’t buy mappiness.

I chose not to put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay...

... because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about...

I was at a beekeeper beauty pageant the other day.

Their slogan was "beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."

My sister used to be a beekeeper.

She lived in California, but was always very emotional. She decided to get into bee keeping by way of therapy, but one day her favourite bee died. She'd named him Alloudocius. We always called her the super sister because she looked after us, but things were never the same after her bee died. We bla...

There is a beekeeper who is notorious for how he is very selective.

He will only keep bees that people would normally see as ugly, scary, etc. Nobody knows why he does this, maybe he has an obsession of sorts, but nobody knew until somebody decided to ask him why.

The beekeeper is not phased by the question, but he is confused why someone would refer to the ...

I used to be a beekeeper

I remained so until the Monkees came to my town. Rather than take care of my apiary, my girlfriend wanted me to take her to the concert. I didn't think she was serious, but then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee-leaver.

A beekeeper was asked which species of bees he found to be the most pretty.

His reply: "Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two beekeepers were chatting...

"How many bees do you have?" said the first beekeeper.

"I have ten thousand bees"

"How many hives do you have?" said the first beekeeper.

"I have ten hives" came the reply.

"How many bees do you have?" asked the second beekeeper.

"I have twelve million bees"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

I recently went to a beekeeper and purchased 7 bees. When I got home, I realized he gave me 8.

Looks like I got a freebie!

What do beekeepers say when they go to work?

"Alright, let's get down to beeswax!"

I've been a beekeeper for years and when my crush said "It's me or it's those nasty insects, make up your mind", at first I didn't think she was serious.

Then I saw her face.

Now I'm a bee-leaver.

Why do all Beekeepers end their day at the bar?

They enjoy a good Buzzzzzzzz

How do beekeepers keep their bees so chill?

They smoke them out.

A man walks into an apiary and asks for a dozen bees.

The beekeeper nods and carefully counts out 13 bees. The man realizes this and points it out, "That’s one too many.”

*"No worries. It’s a freebie."*

Moving the Hive

I'm a devoted beekeeper, so when my wife and I decided to move to a new house I carefully packed up my favorite hive and placed it in the car. My wife asked "are you really going to put a swarm of bees into our car with us ?" I thought she understood that I couldn't leave my best queen and hive b...

What profession has the most beautiful eyes?

Beekeepers, because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear got the habit to steal mead from one bee-garden

Owner doesn't know what to do: as soon as he gets the gun out, bear climbs to a large tree and can't be reached. One day beekeeper sees advertisement in a local paper: will help with any animals. He calls the number, and over an hour hefty man arrives with a shovel and tiny white dog. This is Snowfl...

Friend of mine keeps taking all of one letter out of the bag when playing Scrabble, and doesn’t play them.

He’s a beekeeper.

One of my many niche-market jokes

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so why haven't beekeepers monopolized the fashion industry?

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