UPJOKE
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Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless

Just like me

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A joke in memoriam to Norm MacDonald. Please tell it and make it as unfunny as possible before you hit the punchline.

So, a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "sorry, we don't serve jokes here." They all nod and walk out and the bartender keeps cleaning glasses.


A man carrying a frog and a tiny piano walks into the bar and the bartender looks up, sees them, ...

Neil Armstrong used to enjoy telling unfunny jokes about the moon.



When nobody laughed he paused and said, "I guess you had to be there."

How does NASA organize their company parties?

They planet.


[Please take pity on me i am very unfunny :(]

A joke is like a frog...

When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just...

”Wanna hear an unfunny knock knock joke?”

“Knock knock!”

“Who’s there?”

“Broken pencil!”

“Broken pencil who?”

“Broken pen... ah never mind, this joke has no point!”

“Yeah that wasn’t very funny.”

“I found it.”

“Found what?”

“The point!”

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

Wrote my second joke ever, would like some feedback

Three lumberjacks; Sam, Dave, and Ben; are felling trees when a bear approaches them. Sam says "stay back or we'll kill you with our axes!" The bear responds, "woah! I'm a proud vegetarian. I just wanted to offer you all a nicely cooked dinner since you've all been working so hard and are probably h...

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First joke I've written, would like some feedback please

There's this guy with a crush on a cashier at the grocery store so he asks her to go on a date and she says yes.

She's got a lot of piercings and while on the date the guy asks her what made her decide to get so many piercings.

She tells him, "when I'm disappointed with a part of my ...

An often unfunny joke where the punchline comes first.

What is a Jeopardy joke?

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I kind of feel bad for Amy Schumer over people calling her unfunny.

I mean can you imagine being so bad at comedy that you have to steal *shitty* jokes?

Ever wondered why written jokes about mailmen are generally unfunny?

They are all about delivery.

Why is Amy Schumer so unfunny?

Nobody knows, she stole the punchline.

What do I and a classic sitcom have in common?

We both laugh at our own unfunny jokes.

so... about geology puns

So, right, geology puns need to hit ***hard*** , i suppose.. To make the jokes better you can add a ***layer*** into it, the delivery should be ***segmented*** and indicated to make it easier to understand the joke, you don't always need to fulfil this instruction tho, i mean we didn't need to do no...

I'm so sick of all these unfunny dad joke reposts.

"Hi, So Sick of All These Unfunny Dad Joke Reposts. I'm Dad!"

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

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How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?

He has the white cane with the red end you unfunny, reposting, karma whoring chumps.

I don’t care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented.

I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.

Sometimes I come up with a punchline so terrible...

...so contrived and unfunny, that a mob forms around me brandishing flaming torches and pitchforks.

It happens frequently enough that I've devised a getaway technique for just this type of occasion...I run to the top of the nearest hill, curl up in a ball and throw myself down the other side ...

A programmer is having trouble with a program.....

Stan has trying to make a program that can not only understand humour, but make original jokes.

After a year of neural network testing and months of creating the perfect algorithm, he runs the program for the first time.

Unfortunately all the program comes up with is stale, unfunny jo...

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