Heartburn Jokes

The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her.

A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." He rolls his eyes but mixes her drink anyway and sets it down in front of her.

A few minutes later, she waves him over agai... read more

He's running late, so arrives later than normal. The nurse on duty tells him visiting hours are nearly over but he can sit with his father while she gives him his medication. He agrees and the nurse comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and three pills. The man eyes the pills curiousl... read more

This was told to me as a true story.

There was a cardiology conference in the US, and the keynote speaker was a distinguished Scottish surgeon, Dr. Cockburn.

When it was nearly time for his keynote speech, the M.C. was introduced to him.

"Frank, I wanted to introduce you to our ... read more

and she calls over the bartender, and says, "Beertender! Gimme a martooni!"

The bartender patiently gives her a martini, which she disposes of quickly, then yells at him again. "Beertender! Gimme another martooni!"

He rolls his eyes and serves her another. But not ten minutes later... read more

She sits down, and says to the bartender, "Beertender! Gimme a drooble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

The bartender, quite fluent in drunkese, pours her a double martini, drops in an olive, and slides it over to woman. She lights up a cigarette, slams the martini, and takes another drag ... read more

For my cake day I'm going to repost everything I can think of that fits into the category of cake-related jokes! You've heard them all anyway, who cares?



What did the cake say to the fork? You wanna piece of me?

What do you eat if you 3.142 cakes? You get fat. Pay attention, ... read more