UPJOKE
starvedthirstyeatathirstfamishedravenouspeckishemotionhungerappetitefoodhypothalamusdesirousemptysupperless

Hungry Jokes

I'm so hungry I could eat my watch.

But that would be time consuming

They say don’t go grocery shopping while you’re hungry.

But it’s been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.

What do you feed a hungry robot?

Mega-bites.

Just an average joke by my sister

What does Juan do when he is hungry.

Juanita

Obi-wan and Luke are getting hungry...

...so before they hit the cantina they stop off at the best Chinese restaurant in Mos Eisly.

And poor Luke, he just can NOT figure out the chopsticks. He's getting more food on him than into his mouth, and really embarrassing Obi-wan.

So Obi-wan says to him, "Use the Forks, Luke."

A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.

As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!

Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising u...

A man walks by a homeless guy holding a sign that says "hungry and homeless, I was a vet! "

The homeless guy tells the man that he had lost his job due to the government screwing him for something he did during his service, so the man gives him some change and thanks him for his service.

As the man walks away the homeless guy yells "WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT DOCTOR-PATIENT RELATIONSHIPS ...

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

What does a clock do when its hungry?

It goes back 4 seconds.

A priest is walking through the jungle when he comes upon a hungry lion.

Just as the lion goes to attack, the priest crosses himself and says, "Lord, if you can hear me, please instill the Holy Spirit in this beast's heart."

The lion stops in his tracks as a bright light begins to glow around him. He looks to the sky, folds his paws in prayer, and says, "Thank you...

I was hungry so I went to the computer store

I heard you could get a megabyte

What did the hungry missile say?

When is launch at?

A man decided to join a monastery where you were only allowed to say two words every 10 years

[LONG]

After 10 years in the monastery the head monk summons’ him and says ‘You’ve been with us for 10 years. What two words would you like to say.’

The monk replies ‘I’m hungry’, so the head monk organises for an extra ration be given to him each day.

After 20 years the head mo...

I think my waitress is hungry

She keeps asking how my food is.

The Hungry Soldier

A hungry soldier is exploring the forest when he spots a
bacon tree up ahead. He excitedly runs towards it when he is shot.
His mistake was that it wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a hambush.

What did 50 do when he got hungry?

58

3 zombies were hungry...

3 zombies were hungry and one of them said "I will be back in a minute" minute later he came back with blood stains on his mouth. Other 2 asked "how did that happen?"
He replied:
"Do you see that pole?"
-"Yes."
"There was a man hiding behind it and I ate him."
Second zombie said "I w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

(EDIT: my gf came back to me with "the type of meat you're putting in your mouth" which is way better.)

A rabbi met a hungry blind man

To help, the rabbi offered the blind man a piece of matzah.



The blind man held it and said "Who wrote this nonsense?!"

I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock....

I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.

I'm here all day..

"I'm hungry. I just need something small to satisfy, any suggestions?"

"...Maybe the chicken strips for $6?"

"Maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."

My stupid, hungry donkey decided to eat a window

It was a huge pane in the ass

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"

They run until they reach a dead end.

They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:

"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVE...

What do hungry twins scream from the womb?

FEETUS

An optimist and a pessimist were riding a bus together when the optimist got hungry.

"Let's stop at the next restaurant," said the optimist. "Then we can take the next bus and continue our journey."

"I don't think that's a good idea," said the pessimist. "It could cause something bad to happen."

"Or it could cause something good to happen," replied the optimist, "and b...

I'm never hungry anymore after all my friends left

Probably because they desserted me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

Did you know that a school of hungry piranhas can eat a man's flesh in a minute?

Sadly, I also lost my job at the aquarium.

me: im so hungry

horse: *nervously* how hungry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenager was hungry and his mother told him to go find something in the kitchen to eat.

After banging around for a few minutes, he yelled "There isn't shit to eat in this house!"

His father heard this and went into the kitchen saying "First of all, watch your language. Second of all, there is lots to eat if you just look. He took his son to the pantry and pointed things out. "Se...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three nuns die in a car accident and arrive at the pearly gates.

St. Peter says to the first nun, "Sister, you've lead an exemplary life, performed many good deeds, feed the hungry, cared for the sick. Do you have anything to confess before I let you in to heaven?" The nun looks serious and answers him, "St. Peter, I have to confess something. Once, when I was a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped in the woods. Finally, the trio realize they are lost and decide to hunker down and make camp. They're hungry and decide to hunt.

The brunette goes first and comes back with a rabbit. The blonde and redhead are impressed.

"How'd you do that?" they ask.

"Simple," replies the brunette. "Found tracks, followed tracks, got a rabbit."

It's the redhead's turn next, and she ventures out and comes back with a moos...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband Johnny:

"I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." 


Johnny replies. "That's no big thing in this day and age." 


The wife continues. "Yeah, I've been with one other guy." 


"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" 


"Tiger Woods." 


"Tiger Woods, the golfer?" 
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies: How can you tell the difference between being hungry and being horny?

# Depends on where you put the cucumber.



My wife can't get over this joke she heard on TicTok. She's told 10 people today. Practically forced me to post in on Reddit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are you hungry, statue?

While in bed with her lover, the woman suddenly heard her husband at the front door. “Quick,” she whispered. “Sprinkle this flour over you and pretend that you’re a statue.”
“Hi, honey. What’s this?” Her husband asked as he entered the bedroom.
“It’s our new statue,” she explained. “The Smiths...

Have you ever eaten something even though you weren’t hungry?

On another note, I lost my job as a Gynecologist today…

What do you call someone who is neither hungry or full?

Non-Dine-ary

An English bishop was visiting New York and had been warned about quote-hungry American reporters.

As he was walking down the stairs off the plane, a voice amid the camera flashes called out "Hey, Bishop! Will you be visiting any strip clubs while you're in New York?"

The bishop gave a crinkly smile and said innocently: "Dear me, are there such establishments in this city?"

When he ...

A hungry man stops at a small restaurant along the road...

to buy something to eat. Behind the bar is a very attractive young girl smiling at him. Next to her is a board that reads:

* Tuna Sandwich $8
* Beef Sandwich $9
* Turkey Sandwich $8.5
* Handjob $5

After having read the board, the man asks the beautiful girl "Hey gorgeous are y...

A man wanted to literally die with his $$$, so he trusted a third of his money to a Priest, a third to a Doctor, and a third to his Lawyer to bury him with it when he died.

After his death, at the man’s funeral the priest whispered to his dead body and placed a bag in his coffin. The doctor then proceeded to whisper to the body and placed a bag in there as well. Then the lawyer went and dropped off a bag and moved on.

As they were carpooling back from the funer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

Hungry enough to eat a horse?

Have you ever got half way through eating a horse and thought,

I’m not as hungry as I thought I was?

I got hungry while playing scrabble, so I ate all of the pieces

Tomorrows bowel movement could spell trouble

its stupid to say you're going to feed the hungry

who else would you feed

What do programmers do when they're hungry?

They grab a byte

What do you call a horde of hungry women?

Faminism.

An atheist is hiking in the woods...

So an atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror "Oh God, help me!!!"

Suddenly, everything--> the bear, the trees, the birds, everything bu...

Why will you never go hungry in the desert?

Because of the sand, which is there.

What did the rock-eating scientist say when he wasn’t hungry?

I’ve lost my apatite.

What is a hungry Gujarati's favourite Hollywood film?

Snakes on a plane

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

I'm so hungry right now I could boil a hyena!

But I'd only make myself a laughing stock.

Three hungry bats...

Three hungry vampire bats are hanging upside down in a tall tower at night, having not eaten anything for several days.
Extremely hungry they look around for something they can drink the blood off.

The first bat, sees something, flies away and returns several minutes later with blood dropp...

Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they see a restaurant.

They're pretty hungry, do they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says "NO DOGS ALLOWED".

The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.

The waiter tells him "I'm s...

The Russians were hungry

SoVeeAte

A priest goes in a safari...

A priest goes on a safari in Africa. He gets separated from the group and has the bad luck of finding himself alone, facing a hungry lion.
Priest: "Dear Lord, I haven't asked for much in life, but if it is of Thy all-knowing will, please concede me the grace that this lion be imbued with Christi...

What animal is always hungry, and laughing?

A high-ena

Did you hear about Shiela the hungry 32 year old?

She eight and eight and eight and eight

A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry!

It's simply the bee's knees!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On my way home from work, my asian girlfriend said she wanted to have sex with me so badly, but I was super hungry and in the mood for pho...

...it was a Nguyen Nguyen situation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hungry boy arrives home from school in Venezuela.

He says: "Mom, what do we have for lunch"?

She answers "Nothing, my son, nothing".

The boy turns his head and suspiciously stares at their pet parrot, and says: "Mom, what about some cooked parrot with rice?"

She answers: "We don't have rice, my son".

"Can't we eat the pa...

Wrote my second joke ever, would like some feedback

Three lumberjacks; Sam, Dave, and Ben; are felling trees when a bear approaches them. Sam says "stay back or we'll kill you with our axes!" The bear responds, "woah! I'm a proud vegetarian. I just wanted to offer you all a nicely cooked dinner since you've all been working so hard and are probably h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

Teach a man to fish and he'll never be hungry.

Teach a fish to man and he'll wonder why he can't climb a tree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I'm hungry but on a diet, I simply think of stuff like 2 Girls 1 Cup to stave off the hunger.

That way I'm far too horny to think about eating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wise woman was once asked "What's the difference between hungry and horny?"

She replied "Depends on where I put my carrot".

Source: Sunny Leonne, the goddess.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WARNING... Dad joke ahead.

This actually just happened.

Wife and Son are playing an intense game of battle ship.

Son: I-8

Me: I haven’t ate... I’m hungry

Wife: (not finding the humor)... miss... E-10

Me: Grammar Nazi.

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

Three hungry vampires were going to feed one night

They decided amongst themselves that they would go out and feed one vampire at the time, while the other two watched over their den.
The first vampire went out.
After an hour he came back to the den with blood covering his teeth.
- "Where did you go to feed?" the other two vampires asked...

2 people were walking through the woods, and one of them was really hungry.

He pointed at a tree and said, "Look, a bacon tree!" He ran towards it, and immediately got hit by 3 rocks in the chest, legs and hip.

The other person said,

"That wasn't a bacon tree, that was a ham bush."

I was hungry and bought a box of animal crackers today

The box said 'WARNING: Do not eat if the seal is broken'. I then opened it up, and every type of animal was in 1 piece, save for a single cracker at the bottom of the box................

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the meat.

Also.....


What's similar between dildo and sushi?

Both are meat substitutes.


K imma go, this has been too meaty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hungry drifter walks down a country road, and spots a small farmhouse. Looking for a bite, he knocks on the door, and a cheap, stingy farmer answers...

The drifter says, “Well hello, sir! Say, I’m mighty hungry, might you have something I could eat?”
The farmer replies, “No sir, I have nothing to spare.”
The drifter says, “Well then, I noticed you have some Honeysuckle growing out in your fields....mind if I go get myself some honey?”
The...

I ate a toboggan because I was hungry

Needless to say my parents did not let it slide

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.