UPJOKE
hypertensionischemiaatherosclerosistobacco smokingvasospasmangioplastyangina pectorisnitroglycerinnauseavomitinganemiapectorisclaudicationheart diseasegout

Angina Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

acute angina

Gerty and George had been flirting for afew weeks at the Senior Home. They decided to seal the deal and Gerty accompanied George to his room, closed the door and slipped her shirt off.
"Be careful, I have acute angina," She said

George let his eyes linger as he took in her body and said,...

My wife was at the doctor's and he told her she had a acute angina.

She said thanks and all but she was happily married.

My doctor told me I have life threatening angina

He must be stupid. I don’t have one of those, I’m a guy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(nsfw) A very elderly couple were dating and decided to wed. On their wedding night, as they were about to consummate the relationship, the women said to her husband, "I have to warn you. I have acute angina."

"Am I relieved to hear that!" her husband replied. "Cuz those are about the ugliest tits I have ever seen."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Acute Angina

An elderly man and woman in a nursing home decide to get married. On the wedding night the man goes into the bathroom to get ready for bed. The woman quickly takes all of her clothes off and gets into bed pulling the sheet up just under her breasts. The man comes out of the bathroom and is a litt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took my grandma to the doctors the other day and he said to her that you have acute angina and she replied...

Wait til you see my tits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two oldsters in a retirement home decide to get married.

But before they can do so, a doctor gives each one a physical to make sure that consummating the marriage would not be too dangerous for them.

He examines the man first, all is OK.

Then he examines the woman. He comes out with a rather somber look on his face and says to the man: «...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time and Julie whispers, "I should warn you, Ted, I've got acute angina."

Ted responds, "Your breasts aren't bad either!"

I just got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign says "Stroke victims with acute angina"

A woman has a pain in her chest.

Her husband takes her to A&E. She's taken into a cubicle for examination. After a while the doctor comes to her husband and says. "She has acute angina" The guy replies "I know Doctor. That's why I married her. But what caused the pain in her chest?

"I've just had the worst time" the boy said.

"First I had angina pectoris, and then arteriosclerosis. As I was recovering, I got psoriasis. Hypodermics was followed by tonsillitis, and lastly they gave me appendectomy."

"Wow!" said his friends."How did you survive?"

"I don't know" said the boy. "Toughest spelling test I've ever h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just knocked a doctor out...

...because he said my wife had a nice pussy.



Turns out she has acute angina.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elder humor

Two 80 year old folks decided to married after their respective partners had died. Mostly for companionship, and social things.
That night after the wedding in bed, the husband starts to get frisky,...
She says "Be careful, I have acute angina", he says "Ya and your titties aren't bad either!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy takes his wife to the doctor.

He tells the doctor that she is having chest pains. The doctor examined her and told her husband she has acute angina. The husband says “I think so too, what do you think of her tits?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man runs into a Doctor's office and shouts "Oi! You told my wife she has a nice fanny!"

Doctor: No, I said she has acute angina...

My Granny thought the Doctor was hitting on her after her medical....

Apparently Her hearing is going and she's got Acute Angina.

My boyfriend just punched my doctor in the face

‘You’re a disgusting pervert , I’ll be reporting you to your boss for what you just told my girlfriend!’

‘Babe calm down - he said acute angina!’

An old Couple in a nursing home decide to hook-up, And go to a closet, to be discreet, The woman warns the gent,"I have Acute Angina" and the gent says..

"That's good 'cause your tit's are ugly as hell!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, an elderly man's elderly wife comes home from the doctors .

She says" I'm in shock, the doctor says I have a nice pussy". The furious husband calls the doctor to find out what the hell is going on. He then turns to his wife and says "no, the doctor said you have acute angina".

There once was a lady from China..

Who got diagnosed with angina.
She went to her Gyno

who said "what do I know"?
My degree is from North Carolina.

An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time...

An Indian is meeting his future wife via an arranged marriage and he father for the first time. Her father is a heart surgeon. At one point in the evening, the father pulls the man aside and says, "There is something you should know about Saanvi before you wed. I am her doctor as well as her fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old old folks home.

A man and woman are in a nursing home and they start into a bottle of whiskey that the man has. He eventually talks her into taking her top off. Further down in the bottle of whiskey he is trying to talk her into taking her pants off. "Oh, i don't know. I have acute angina. " "Well I hope so! Those ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man gets home from work and finds his wife crying in the kitchen.

‘What’s wrong , honey? ‘ he asks all worried.

‘ I went to the doctor today and as he examined me he said I had a beautiful pussy ‘ his wife sobbed.

The man got angry and jumped into the car and drive to the Doctors surgery, he rushed into the office and grabbing the Doctor by the throa...

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic ci...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple get married

On the wedding night, the bride enters the bedroom wearing her sexiest evening wear.

Be careful with me, she says. I have acute angina.

That's good, the groom responds. Because your tits look like shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple are about to have sex in a nursing home supply closet.

The woman decided to warn the man about her heart condition. “ You need to know this, I have acute angina.”

“That’s good news.” The man replied, “because you have the ugliest pair of tits I have ever seen.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old couple met in a nursing home

Neither the old man nor the old woman had been intimate in years.

They fell in love and decided to have sex after a few months of knowing each other.

As they start getting undressed the old woman says “I should warn you, I have acute angina.”

The old man replies “well that’s go...

I think my doctor is trying to come on to me...

He said I had a cute angina.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Old Couple

The old couple had fallen in love at the retirement village.

Eventually, he put the hard word on her.

"Oh, yes!", she said, as she hurriedly started undressing. "But I must tell you, I have acute angina."

"Well that's good 'cause you've got lousy tits", he replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife goes to the doctor because she is experiencing shortness of breath and she comes out of the exam room saying, "Well, the doc thinks I have a nice cooter!"

"What in the actual fuck?!!" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice cooter."

The husband is pissed and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice cooter? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Prostitute

A prostitute is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.

She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."

He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."

An old man and woman meet at a nursing home and decide to get married...

The nursing home doctor suggests they each get a physical before tying the knot.

The doctor examines the woman first. When the man comes in, the doctor tells him, "before we begin, I should tell you that your fiancee has acute angina."

"I know, doc. I've seen it several times already...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nursing Home

An elderly man and woman at a nursing home become attracted to each other, and decide to sneak off to the janitor's closet to have sex.
They start kissing, and things get pretty heated. The man slowly unbuttons the woman's blouse and removes her bra.
The woman stops him and says, "before we go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man says to his girlfriend's father

"Sir, I would like your permission to marry your daughter."

And Dad says "You know, it's lovely to find such a well-mannered young man, and we think she's very lucky to have found you -- but can I just ask, do you know she has acute angina?"

And the young man says "You're telling m...

A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace

A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.

"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."

A few seconds pause.

"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old couple are going at it.

A widow and a widower meet in a retirement home. After weeks of talking and flirting they decide to convene in his room. Things begin to get hot and heavy.

He unbuttons her blouse and begins to fondle her breasts. She unzips his pants and starts playing with his dick. When he is erect he mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young girl with a heart condition is about to be deflowered

A young girl with a heart condition is about to be deflowered for the first-time. Fearing the increased cardiovascular strain of sex could kill her she tries to put it off.
"I'm not sure if I can do this" she tells her boyfriend
"It's fine" he reassures her "it can wait".

Months go by a...

A couple at the nursing home

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.

Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."

To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time in a nursing home...

...there was an 80 year old woman and an 80 year old man. Despite their advanced years, they were both very much sexually driven despite the doctor's insistence that they give up that type of activity due to their advanced age, but one night, a sly wink over a game of Bingo and a sexy smile over pu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple in an old folks home

There was a social night planned at an old folks home. There was dancing, a punch bowl, snacks, etc... It was a pretty tame event.

Two of the residents, an elderly man and elderly woman were bored and decided that they needed more excitement so they snuck off to a utility closet so they could...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.