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Diarrhea Jokes

A joke from my Mexican grandmother: What's faster? Lightning, light, or diarrhea?

Diarrhea.

Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you have diarrhea and feel really REALLY bad , just remember this

Some people are going through some harder shit than you.

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I was dreaming about having diarrhea and then I woke up.

That's when shit got real.

Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.

That means one person enjoys it

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When you say "poop" your mouth moves in the same way your anus does.

The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".

My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead, moron.”

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Some people must be suffering from mental diarrhea...

...because every time they say they have an idea, it's usually shit.

Yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhea is inherited.

Runs in the family.

My love for you is like diarrhea

I can't hold it in

On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week.

Runs until Friday.

Have you heard about giant with diarrhea?

Its all over town

Why are Alzheimer's and Diarrhea the worst combination?

You're running but you can't remember where.

What do you call a vegan with diarrhea?

# A Salad Shooter.

What do you give an elephant when it has diarrhea?

A lot of space.

My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea.

She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.

"How's your diarrhea?"

"Well there's nothing solid planned yet for the foreseeable future..."

Diarrhea

Runs in your genes

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What is the difference between an epileptic oyster-shucker & a prostitute with diarrhea?

The epileptic oyster-shucker SHUCKS between FITS.

What do you call a vegetable that gives you diarrhea?

Pro-deuce

My doctor said diarrhea is hereditary.

I guess it runs in your genes

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What does Harry Potter call his diarrhea?

Expellianus

What's it called when Herschel Walker has diarrhea?

A Georgia runoff.

What does a person with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common?

They both hope will make it home

In 2022, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea.

It's a solid plan.

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What's the difference between an epileptic chef at an oyster bar and a hooker with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

The other fucks between shits

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The difference between getting over constipation and getting over diarrhea...

...is the difference between getting caught up on your shit and getting your shit together.

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Diarrhea

Six year old boy stuck on the toilet with Diarrhea

He starts yelling for his mom to please bring him some Viagra

Mom asks her son why he thinks he needs Viagra

The boy says, "Well that's what you give dad when his shit don't get hard."

Can you take a bath with diarrhea?

If you have enough, yes.

Did you hear about the nymphomaniac with diarrhea?

She comes and goes.

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Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated

When I told him this, he said, 'Are you kidding me?'.


I said, 'I shit you not.'

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I used to have chronic diarrhea.

It went away after I made some positive lifestyle changes.

I really got my shit together.

Diarrhea remedy sales are up

In fact there’s been quite a run on them.

When's the worst time to get diarrhea?

As your word in the spelling bee.

Top 5 worst things about diarrhea

Number 2 may surprise you!

What’s worse than having diarrhea and a clogged toilet?

Nothing, please someone help me out

My wife had diarrhea while wearing fishnets.

She had runs in her stockings.

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Sometimes being cute is like having diarrhea.

Sometimes shit just runs in your genes.

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Prebiotic oatmilk gave me terrible diarrhea.

But since then my guts got used to it and I don't give a shit anymore.

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What did Dr. Watson name the product he invented to successfully cure his partner’s chronic diarrhea?

No shit Sherlock

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What did the gigolo with diarrhea say?

I can't tell if I'm cumming or going

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My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

How does a banker tell someone he has diarrhea?

'Oh god, my assets are liquid!'

I asked my doctor if I could take a bath with diarrhea

He said, "it depends on the amount"

What do diarrhea and DNA have in common?

They both run in your jeans.

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What did the Ukrainian say when he got diarrhea?

Fuck you rushing shit!

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What do you call a German dictator with a really bad case of diarrhea?

Shitler.

The other day I called in sick with diarrhea.

My boss told me to get it together.

I was having random bouts of diarrhea...

Couldn't figure out what the hell was causing it.

Then I started keeping track. I realized it was only happening when I would wear those polo shirts with the little alligator stitched on them.

Turns out I'm Lacoste intolerant.

After a Week of Diarrhea...

I would rate today's bowel movement a sold 2.

My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea....

She probably won’t find out until she gets home and starts unpacking.

My family has a chronic diarrhea problem.

I guess you could say it runs in our genes.

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If we call watery poop diarrhea,

Then why can't we just say normal poop as dryarrhea?


This joke is approved by my brother.

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what did the Indonesian man suffering from explosive diarrhea say on August 27th 1883

"CRAPATOA"

I love stealing but it gives me severe diarrhea.

So I take klepto bismol.

Myself, my kids, my parents, my brother, and my grandparents all have terrible diarrhea.

Runs in the family.

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I just found out explosive diarrhea is an actual thing.

That shit blows.

Whomever said laughter is the best medicine...

clearly hasn't tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

Last week I got eczema, diarrhea, and hemorrhoids.

It was the first time I ever won a game of Scrabble.

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