Have you heard of the new movie about constipation

Obviously not it hasn't come yet

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A man goes to his village medicine man and requests a colonic for his constipation.

The medicine man ponders for a moment and says, “Let’s try something else first.” He opens a jar and pulls out a dried out fern. He places the fern into a cup of hot water and waits as it brews. “Here, take a sip.” The man does as he is told. Suddenly, his eyes rolls back in his head, followed by th...

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My teacher recently said that she has constipation

So I was like: "No shit?"

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My doctor said that I have Constipation problems.

I just told him I don't give a shit.

What did Eeyore say when he had constipation?

Nothing. He just Whinnied then pooed.

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I've had constipation for 21 days

But my friends think I'm full of shit

A mathematician cured constipation.

How, you ask?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?"

Of course not, it won't be out for a while.

Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today.

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What's the German word for constipation?

Farfrompoopin

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I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation

He said no because I’m full of shit

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I took a sick day and lied that I had constipation

My boss bought it and even said he hopes I get well soon and stop being so full of shit

I asked the librarian for a book on constipation.

She said: "It comes out in a week or two."

How do mathematicians get rid of constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

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To everyone out there suffering from constipation...

I sincerely hope you have a really shitty day

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I went to my doctor with severe constipation. I explained to him about my really, really dense bowel movements....

"Tough shit" he said.

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How do you help a man with constipation?

You beat the shit out of him.

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I used to suffer from constipation

That shit was hard.

Did you ever hear about the mathematician who had constipation?

Don’t worry, he was fine, he sat down and worked it out with a pencil.

Have you ever watched the movie "Constipation"

Probably not. Because,

It was never released.

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With the spread of Coronavirus, many around the world appear to be developing Constipation:

Doctors say it is not a symptom of the disease, but rather an effect of the panic being incited by the disease. One doctor even proclaimed, "People seem to be Scared Shitless!"

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My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

Im worried shitless

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I could tell you that my constipation doesn’t bother me

But I’d be full of shit

What does a hard maths problem and constipation have in common?

You might need a pencil to work them out

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I didn't understand why the doctor prescribed me LSD for my constipation....

...until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

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Dad told me my constipation isn't hereditary

But I didn't believe him because he is always full of shit.

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It's pointless to make fun of people with constipation

They don't give a shit.

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What did Vladimir Putin think to himself when he was finally relieved of his constipation?

Gladimhere Poopin

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Benedict Cumberbatch says he suffered from crippling constipation as a kid.

No shit Sherlock

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"Watson, do you know the meaning of the word constipation?"

"No shit, Sherlock"

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Best remedy for constipation

Shit take mushrooms

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...constipated blonde

**Doctor:** ...whats the problem?

**blonde:** ...I have constipation, I believe it's an obstruction.

**Doctor:** ...OK take your clothes off, lay on the couch on to your left side bring your knees up to your chest whilst l take a peek!

...*the doctor examines her and coughs*! ...

I finally finished writing my thesis on constipation.

It was a real struggle to get it out.

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What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

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What do people with constipation and liars have in common?

They're both full of shit.

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My wife has been bugging me about my constipation issue lately

I don't give a shit.

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For those of you going through constipation,

That shit is hard !

But don't give up, it'll get through.

They're making a movie about constipation

But due to delays, they aren't able to release it

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How does Hermione deal with constipation?

EXPELLIANUS!

There should be a manly constipation medication called "Court Marshall."

"You are now relieved of duty."

Constipation is a difficult word to say.

I have a hard time getting it out.

I have a very debilitating issue the doctors are calling “Irish constipation”

I can’t pass a bar.

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