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A man goes to his village medicine man and requests a colonic for his constipation.

The medicine man ponders for a moment and says, “Let’s try something else first.” He opens a jar and pulls out a dried out fern. He places the fern into a cup of hot water and waits as it brews. “Here, take a sip.” The man does as he is told. Suddenly, his eyes rolls back in his head, followed by th...

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Dr.Watson has constipation

*watson returns home after a visit to th doctor*


Sherlock: " So was I right about your stomach issues."


Watson: " Yeah no shit Sherlock!"

Did you hear about the disaster that happened at the constipation ward?

Everyone was heavily impacted.

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My teacher recently said that she has constipation

So I was like: "No shit?"

Constipation is a thief of time

and diarrhea waits for no man

Have you heard about the movie “Constipation?”

No?
That’s because it hasn’t come out yet

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The difference between getting over constipation and getting over diarrhea...

...is the difference between getting caught up on your shit and getting your shit together.

Hear about the accountant who had constipation?

He couldn't budge it...

So he penciled it out.

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Someone asked me what I thought about constipation

I told them I couldn't give a shit.

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I have emotional constipation

Haven't given a crap in days.

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I've had constipation for 21 days

But my friends think I'm full of shit

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I went to my doctor with severe constipation. I explained to him about my really, really dense bowel movements....

"Tough shit" he said.

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To everyone out there suffering from constipation...

I sincerely hope you have a really shitty day

My love for you is like constipation.

I just can’t let it go.

How does an accountant fix constipation?

Works it out with a pencil

Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?"

Of course not, it won't be out for a while.

Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today.

A mathematician cured constipation.

How, you ask?

He worked it out with a pencil.

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Tom suffers from severe constipation.

After years of searching around and trying every method and medication under the sun, he finally finds the only medicine that works.

One day, he goes to his doctor to get his prescription.

"I can't give it to you, sorry," says the good doctor.

So Tom runs around the city checkin...

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What's the German word for constipation?

Farfrompoopin

What did Eeyore say when he had constipation?

Nothing. He just Whinnied then pooed.

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I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation

He said no because I’m full of shit

Joe goes to the doctor with severe constipation

Doctor gives him two suppositories. Joe goes home and swallows them.

Next day he goes back to the doctor.

"Doc I am still badly constipated."

Doctor gives him two more suppositories, and Joe again goes home and swallows them."

He again goes back to the doctor the next day...

What was the Supreme Court ruling on constipation?

It’s unconstitutional.

How do mathematicians get rid of constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

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I took a sick day and lied that I had constipation

My boss bought it and even said he hopes I get well soon and stop being so full of shit

I asked the librarian for a book on constipation.

She said: "It comes out in a week or two."

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How do you help a man with constipation?

You beat the shit out of him.

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I used to suffer from constipation

That shit was hard.

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Caillou's dad goes to the doctor.

After a thorough examination, he asks: "So, doc. What's up with my chronic constipation?"

The doctor replies, "We've determined that it's because of your little asshole."

"I don't see how," he says. "I always lock the bathroom door to keep him out."

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I didn't understand why the doctor prescribed me LSD for my constipation....

...until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Did you ever hear about the mathematician who had constipation?

Don’t worry, he was fine, he sat down and worked it out with a pencil.

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With the spread of Coronavirus, many around the world appear to be developing Constipation:

Doctors say it is not a symptom of the disease, but rather an effect of the panic being incited by the disease. One doctor even proclaimed, "People seem to be Scared Shitless!"

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I could tell you that my constipation doesn’t bother me

But I’d be full of shit

Have you ever watched the movie "Constipation"

Probably not. Because,

It was never released.

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My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

Im worried shitless

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Dad told me my constipation isn't hereditary

But I didn't believe him because he is always full of shit.

What does a hard maths problem and constipation have in common?

You might need a pencil to work them out

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What did Vladimir Putin think to himself when he was finally relieved of his constipation?

Gladimhere Poopin

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For those of you going through constipation,

That shit is hard !

But don't give up, it'll get through.

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...constipated blonde

**Doctor:** ...whats the problem?

**blonde:** ...I have constipation, I believe it's an obstruction.

**Doctor:** ...OK take your clothes off, lay on the couch on to your left side bring your knees up to your chest whilst l take a peek!

...*the doctor examines her and coughs*! ...

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It's pointless to make fun of people with constipation

They don't give a shit.

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What do people with constipation and liars have in common?

They're both full of shit.

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Benedict Cumberbatch says he suffered from crippling constipation as a kid.

No shit Sherlock

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What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

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Best remedy for constipation

Shit take mushrooms

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How does Hermione deal with constipation?

EXPELLIANUS!

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