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A man goes to his village medicine man and requests a colonic for his constipation.

The medicine man ponders for a moment and says, “Let’s try something else first.” He opens a jar and pulls out a dried out fern. He places the fern into a cup of hot water and waits as it brews. “Here, take a sip.” The man does as he is told. Suddenly, his eyes rolls back in his head, followed by th...

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Someone asked me what I thought about constipation

I told them I couldn't give a shit.

Have you heard about that new movie "Constipation"?

It hasn’t come out yet!

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Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

My love for you is like constipation.

I just can’t let it go.

Joe goes to the doctor with severe constipation

Doctor gives him two suppositories. Joe goes home and swallows them.

Next day he goes back to the doctor.

"Doc I am still badly constipated."

Doctor gives him two more suppositories, and Joe again goes home and swallows them."

He again goes back to the doctor the next day...

How does an accountant fix constipation?

Works it out with a pencil

What was the Supreme Court ruling on constipation?

It’s unconstitutional.

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My teacher recently said that she has constipation

So I was like: "No shit?"

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I've had constipation for 21 days

But my friends think I'm full of shit

Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?"

Of course not, it won't be out for a while.

Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today.

A mathematician cured constipation.

How, you ask?

He worked it out with a pencil.

What did Eeyore say when he had constipation?

Nothing. He just Whinnied then pooed.

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I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation

He said no because I’m full of shit

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I went to my doctor with severe constipation. I explained to him about my really, really dense bowel movements....

"Tough shit" he said.

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To everyone out there suffering from constipation...

I sincerely hope you have a really shitty day

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I have emotional constipation

Haven't given a crap in days.

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What's the German word for constipation?

Farfrompoopin

How do mathematicians get rid of constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

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I took a sick day and lied that I had constipation

My boss bought it and even said he hopes I get well soon and stop being so full of shit

I asked the librarian for a book on constipation.

She said: "It comes out in a week or two."

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Tom suffers from severe constipation.

After years of searching around and trying every method and medication under the sun, he finally finds the only medicine that works.

One day, he goes to his doctor to get his prescription.

"I can't give it to you, sorry," says the good doctor.

So Tom runs around the city checkin...

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How do you help a man with constipation?

You beat the shit out of him.

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I used to suffer from constipation

That shit was hard.

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I have location-based constipation.

Can’t have shit in Detroit.

Did you ever hear about the mathematician who had constipation?

Don’t worry, he was fine, he sat down and worked it out with a pencil.

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With the spread of Coronavirus, many around the world appear to be developing Constipation:

Doctors say it is not a symptom of the disease, but rather an effect of the panic being incited by the disease. One doctor even proclaimed, "People seem to be Scared Shitless!"

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I could tell you that my constipation doesn’t bother me

But I’d be full of shit

Have you ever watched the movie "Constipation"

Probably not. Because,

It was never released.

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My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

Im worried shitless

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I didn't understand why the doctor prescribed me LSD for my constipation....

...until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

What does a hard maths problem and constipation have in common?

You might need a pencil to work them out

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Dad told me my constipation isn't hereditary

But I didn't believe him because he is always full of shit.

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What did Vladimir Putin think to himself when he was finally relieved of his constipation?

Gladimhere Poopin

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"Watson, do you know the meaning of the word constipation?"

"No shit, Sherlock"

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Benedict Cumberbatch says he suffered from crippling constipation as a kid.

No shit Sherlock

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What do people with constipation and liars have in common?

They're both full of shit.

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Best remedy for constipation

Shit take mushrooms

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...constipated blonde

**Doctor:** ...whats the problem?

**blonde:** ...I have constipation, I believe it's an obstruction.

**Doctor:** ...OK take your clothes off, lay on the couch on to your left side bring your knees up to your chest whilst l take a peek!

...*the doctor examines her and coughs*! ...

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What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

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It's pointless to make fun of people with constipation

They don't give a shit.

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For those of you going through constipation,

That shit is hard !

But don't give up, it'll get through.

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My wife has been bugging me about my constipation issue lately

I don't give a shit.

There should be a manly constipation medication called "Court Marshall."

"You are now relieved of duty."

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How does Hermione deal with constipation?

EXPELLIANUS!

Constipation is a difficult word to say.

I have a hard time getting it out.

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