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Constipation Jokes

Have you seen the movie, "Constipation?"

Of course not, it won't be out for a while.

Btw, I am a teacher and a 3rd grader told me that today.

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A man tries to clean his fake eye by licking it, but accidentally swallows it. He goes to the doctor in utter constipation seeking help.

The doctor tells the patient to bend over and cough, and promptly faints.

When he comes to, the nurse asks him what happened. "|'ve looked at quite a few arseholes in my practice" said the doctor, "first time ever an arsehole looked back!".

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I have emotional constipation.

I haven't given a shit in days.

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What's German for "constipation"?

Farfrompoopen.

Constipation jokes aren't my favorite.

But they're a solid #2

My dad asked me if I heard about this movie called Constipation…

Dad “It never came out.”

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Doctor prescribed me LSD for my constipation

Thought it was a strange until on the way home i saw a dragon and shit myself

Have you seen the sequel to Constipation?

Nah, number two hasn't come out yet.

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What do you call a detective who has constipation?

No shit sherlock

A man goes to the the doctor with terrible constipation,

The doctor examined him and said "do you eat a lot of peas?"

The man nods his head and the doctor says "if you cut them out then everything should go back to normal" so the man does and everything is fine.

Years later he is drinking in a bar with some old guys and one of them says "I c...

Did you hear about the mathematician who had constipation?

He had to work it out with a pencil.

I was in a band called Constipation.

We stunk. We didn’t go anywhere.

Did you hear about the mathematics prof who had a problem with constipation?

He worked out his problem.

With a number 2 pencil.

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I’ve got constipation

I couldn’t give a shit.

Constipation

Have u heard of the movie constipation

U probably haven't

Cuz it hasn't come out yet

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I've had constipation for 3 months

Never been to the doctors in years, but took myself there as not had a number 2 in a long time.

Doc says "what have you been eating"?

I said well doc I've been eating snooker balls!!

What?? Snooker balls Charlie??

Yes doc, in the morning I have 3 reds a pink, bowl porrid...

have you hear about a movie titled 'Constipation '?

It hasn't come out yet.

Constipation is a thief of time

and diarrhea waits for no man

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Dr.Watson has constipation

*watson returns home after a visit to th doctor*


Sherlock: " So was I right about your stomach issues."


Watson: " Yeah no shit Sherlock!"

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You should never trust people with constipation.

Because they are full of shit

How does an accountant fix constipation?

Works it out with a pencil

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Someone asked me what I thought about constipation

I told them I couldn't give a shit.

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My teacher recently said that she has constipation

So I was like: "No shit?"

My love for you is like constipation.

I just can’t let it go.

Thank you for calling the constipation hotline...

Please hold.

Constipation ia a side effect of the covid vaccine

After u take the first dose u will have to wait a few weeks for no. 2

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My doctor said I am suffering from paranoia and constipation

I'm scared shitless

Hear about the accountant who had constipation?

He couldn't budge it...

So he penciled it out.

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The other day I saw a doctor for my constipation.

He smiled and said, “Don’t worry, that shit will work itself out.”

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Tom suffers from severe constipation.

After years of searching around and trying every method and medication under the sun, he finally finds the only medicine that works.

One day, he goes to his doctor to get his prescription.

"I can't give it to you, sorry," says the good doctor.

So Tom runs around the city checkin...

Joe goes to the doctor with severe constipation

Doctor gives him two suppositories. Joe goes home and swallows them.

Next day he goes back to the doctor.

"Doc I am still badly constipated."

Doctor gives him two more suppositories, and Joe again goes home and swallows them."

He again goes back to the doctor the next day...

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...constipated blonde

**Doctor:** ...whats the problem?

**blonde:** ...I have constipation, I believe it's an obstruction.

**Doctor:** ...OK take your clothes off, lay on the couch on to your left side bring your knees up to your chest whilst l take a peek!

...*the doctor examines her and coughs*! ...

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Constipation

A nun walks into liquor store and asks for a half whiskey. The shopkeeper looks at her inquisitively, she adds,

"It's for Mother Superior's constipation."

So the shopkeeper says, "OK."

She pays for the whiskey and leaves. Two hours later, the shopkeeper closes the store and walk...

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What did Vladimir Putin say to himself when he was finally relieved of his constipation?

Gladimhere Poopin

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The difference between getting over constipation and getting over diarrhea...

...is the difference between getting caught up on your shit and getting your shit together.

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It’s true what they say about fruit being good for constipation…

I got my phone repair bill from Apple and literally did shit myself.

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I used to suffer from constipation

That shit was hard.

What did Eeyore say when he had constipation?

Nothing. He just Whinnied then pooed.

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Dear Mr. Watson, please inform any potential customers I can't see them now due to a severe Constipation

"No shit, Sherlock?"

What was the Supreme Court ruling on constipation?

It’s unconstitutional.

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Dr. Watson approached the infamous detective and informed him about his uncomfortable state of prolonged constipation.

"No shit, Sherlock.'

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They're making a movie about a Scotland yard inspector suffering from chronic constipation ...

... titled, No Shit Sherlock.

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Best remedy for constipation

Shit take mushrooms

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My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

Im worried shitless

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A man was suffering from constipation and has not been able to shit for several days

He told his friend about his condition who advised him to get a certain laxative at the pharmacy. His friend warned him that the lacative was very powerful and he should take it in small doses.

The man goes to the nearest pharmacy to his house after work and asks for the medecine. The pharmac...

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The problem with constipation

nobody gives a shit that you can’t

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Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

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