Hated Jokes - 38 Hilarious Hated Jokes

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A man absolutely hated his wife's cat

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and hea...

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A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

I met a girl who was a solid 10 but she hated Harry Potter

Now she is a 9¾

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I never used to think I was very sexy. I always hated my eyes, ears and nose.

Then one day, I came to my senses.

What’s the Republicans’ most hated Sesame Street character?

The Count

A man once hated himself so much that he...

took it personally.

My girlfriend hated that I told blind jokes

Years ago I dated a girl for about 6 months. We got along super well. I met her family, and she met mine. Things were getting pretty serious between us.

The only thing that we really argued about was my blind jokes. I loved saying them and she hated them. In her defense, she had a blind broth...

My ex hated when I started dating her twin sister.

Like it's my fault they're conjoined.

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When I was a kid I hated how the church operated

Its all quiet and dark

All the sitting down and standing up and kneeling

I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me

A man really hated his wife’s cat. One day, he put the cat in his car and took it to the end of the block and let it go. When he got home he saw that the cat had beat him home.

Undeterred, he put the cat in the car and took it a few miles across the city and tossed it out the car again. Upon returning home, he was astonished to see that the cat had beat him home again.

Determined at this point, the man took the cat and drove him across the city, over the river, thro...

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I hated my old job where all I did was push buttons all day…

…it was depressing.

I always hated the show Naked & Afraid

It reminds me of playing hide and seek with my uncle.

Why did it seem like everyone either loved or hated the song “Let It Go” from Frozen?

It was polarizing

Kylo Ren: I've always hated being an only child

Han: You're not an only child. You're a Solo child.

My mom told me she hated me today

She forgot to say April Fools

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Hitler, Salin, and EA were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

EA says "NONSENSE! I've ruined dozens of game franchises. I am the most hated!"

Hitler said "Why don't we hold a vote in hell and see who is the mo...

What did the man say that hated a very specific circular coral reef that had water in its center?

"I don't like this atoll."

When I was young I hated drunks.

When I grew up I realized that we are not such a bad people.

I could tell that my parents hated me.

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

My lawyer dumped me after I said I hated U2.

He was working under a Pro Bono agreement.

What is Donald Trump's Most Hated Movie?

*Attack of the Killer Tomatoes*.

A truck driver hated seeing door-to-door religious zealots walking down the road

He hated how they would go from house to house, bothering people and questioning their faith. So whenever he would see some walking down the road, he would slow down, ease over, and bump them with his fender to make them fall down into the mud on the side of the road. He grew to enjoy the satisfac...

Apparently the British hated rows,

which was why they columnised so many places

A 95 year old man and his 94 year old wife see a lawyer about a divorce.

The lawyer asks them when they got married.

"I was 19" says the man.

"That means you've been married for 75 years at least" the lawyer points out

"Yes. And all of it misery" says the woman.

"Really? When did you start to regret the marriage?"

"Almost immediately,...

Why are the British hated?

They've an entire land of ire against them!

My wife hated the new expensive revolving chair that I bought but then she sat on it.

Eventually….she came around.

A man had a terrible hate for lawyers.

Like, he really hated any and all lawyers he met.
And as such, every time he was out driving his car, he would go out of his way to hit them. It didn't matter when or where, if he saw a lawyer he just had to run them over.
The man, however, was also a pious man. One day while driving, he s...

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A wolf and a rabbit hated each other...

One day, the pair were walking through an enchanted forest when they discovered a magical frog trapped in a hole. The frog promised to grant them each three wishes if they helped him escape. The two rescued the frog, and after they set him safely on the ground, the frog croaked, "thank you! Now I wi...

My wife hated that I didn’t have a sense of direction

So I packed my stuff up and right

Karl Marx hated snow days.

It meant class was cancelled.

Hated the view from my yard because of the tree...

So I called a tree guy to take it down. I asked him to remove the stump, and he said "Oh I can't, you have to call a stump guy."

So I call the stump guy, he takes out the stump, and I say "Aren't you gonna fill the hole?"

He said "Oh, no, you'll have to call a landscaper for that. ...

Some of my friends loved the game Battleship while the others absolutely hated it.

It was…hit or miss.

The Ancients spoke of a wise healer who hated to be hugged. He lived by one rule.

Don't squeeze the shaman.

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In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

Jesus hated getting cheap socks for Christmas

They always had holes in them by Easter.

My friend told me he hated blue cheese because it's literally just cheese with bacteria.

I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.

I hated the amputation ward.

Let's just say I'm never stepping foot in there again.

Two great musicians hated each other

And after years of always being compared to one another, they finally decided to have a duet of guitars to see which was the better player. They carefully selected an audience of musical experts, and with that they played.

After a fifteen minutes duet, the vote was cast. Amazingly, the result...

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