UPJOKE
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Detest Jokes

I absolutely hate and detest Cocaine...

But for some reason I love the smell of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me to let go of my anger by writing letters to people I detest and then burning them ....

.. Now I'm not sure what to do with the letters.

A patient goes to see his doctor

“Do you think I’ll live another 50 years, Doc?” asked a patient.



“How old are you now?”



“Forty.”



“Do you drink, gamble or chase women?”



“No,” the man answered. “I don’t drink, I never gamble, and I detest women. In fact, I don’t have an...

Elton John famously detests ice burg lettuce

He's more of a Rocket Man

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

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An Iranian Joke: Tranlated

A man was laying on his death bed at home. His beautiful wife sat by his side, holding his hand.

He was dismayed about his wife being with another man. He knew that this was probably inevitable but he wanted to hear it from her. He asked, "wife, do you think that when I am gone you will marr...

A man was deathly afraid of ice cream

So much so that the mere sight or mention of the tasty frozen treat could send him into a panic attack.

He tried to avoid it, but it was everywhere. In movies. In songs. On social media. In real life!

Due to the severity of his condition, the man resolved to find a life partner who hat...

Helga Adams takes her next door neighbor to court for defamation

She tells the judge "my neighbor Herman Franklin repeatedly calls me a fat pig to my guests when they come over."

"Herman, is this true?

"Yes your honor. I detest that fat pig that lives next door to me. She is a spoiled rotten princess of a fat pig who..."

"Alright, alright. I'...

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

The tale of Thanksgiving.

It's that time of year, so raise a cheer, here's to drinking beer and shooting deer. Here's to friends who are sincere and friends who will endear. When others appear we give them a leer, but not so severe that they leave out of fear. We send pioneers to explore the frontier, and they return bearing...

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Old enough to serve, not old enough to be served: the Army and Alcohol

There was a thread a while back where a pun thread took off; it was about the moral hypocrisy of being allowed to put your life at risk fighting in war, while simultaneously not being allowed to drink alcohol.

While I detest most pun threads, this one seemed entertaining to me for some reason...

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