UPJOKE
cropgrainreapautumngatherfarmgleanseasoncropscerealharvestingfarmingfieldagriculturehusbandry

Harvesting Jokes

Two women were harvesting carrots.

One of them pulled a huge carrot from the ground and exclaimed "This one reminds me of my husband!"

"So large?" asked her friend.

"No - so dirty."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Eleanor and Gertrude were harvesting carrots in the garden

After a while, Gertrude pulls out a massive carrot, as long as her arm, covered in dirt.

"Now see here, Eleanor, this is like my man's."

"That big?!"

"No, that dirty."

I started a company harvesting moisture from plants.

Business hasn't been great, but we're making dew.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old ladies are harvesting potatoes when one unearth two massive tubers.

"Sweet baby Jesus, they look like my husband's balls !"

"How, as big ?"

"No, as dirty !"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two amish women are in a field harvesting potatoes.

One amish woman holds up two potatoes and sighs.

The other amish woman says "What's the matter?"

"These potatoes remind me of my husband's testicles." replied the first woman.

"Oh, that big?" said the second woman.

"No, that dirty."

I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women…

I'm calling it: Cadaviar.

A farmer is having a bad harvesting season.

Nothing grew. He's trying to think about how to break the news to his wife and kids. They'll lose the house. They could starve. They spent so many hours tilling the fields and breaking their backs and they have nothing to show for it. He thinks of all the hours of his children's youth that he stole ...

A farmer is harvesting his lettuce field and suddenly drops to the ground

His wife runs over and screams; “I think he’s having a Caesar!”

Winning the hearts and minds of the people

An old CCP euphemism for organ harvesting.

Bobby Kotick walks into a bar

and orders an 18 year old whiskey.

The bartender pours him a 1 year old whiskey.

Kotick says, "But I ordered 18 year old whiskey!"

The bartender says, "To get 18 year old whiskey, you have to pay the farming fee, the harvesting fee and the aging fee. You also have to purchase a...

I just got into a fight with the firemen...

They keep harvesting my cat tree!

I can't believe I got a life sentence for a little insider trading

Technically it's called organ harvesting, but that's just semantics

A long time ago there was a fishing village...

In this fishing village, they worshipped the sea. They did everything on the ocean--they lived in huts on the beach or over the water, they were always fishing, cultivating, and harvesting from the ocean. They also had this custom where they would name their kids based off of how they interacted wit...

My wife said I'm young at heart.

Harvesting those organs really paid off.

A group of farming mathmeticians in the Midwest are doing well for themselves

These farmers use their mathmatical expertise to best know how to plot their lands, when to start planting or harvesting, and overall how to have a good yield.

Recently, the state has been pushing for a ban on diesel-engine tractors due to their heavy usage on non-renewable resources and how...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life in the countryside.

A tv reporter was tasked to go to the countryside and make an article about how people live in there. once he arrives, he sees an old man sitting by house in the entrance with a bottle of some alcoholic beverage, he introduces himself to the old man and asks him how is life in that place, the old ma...

(From my grandfather)A man from the city goes to work on a farm

He helps the farmer with the harvesting and is riding the tractor around the big field while the farmer is working at one place. Everytime the man passes the farmer he greets him with a simple ''Hey''. This goes on for a little while, until the end of the day.

The farmer walks up to the man ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer is drinking his morning coffee when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a stranger standing there with an empty jar in each hand.
“What can I do for ya, feller?” The farmer asked.

“Well, I was just passing by yesterday when I noticed you had some Honeysuckle vines growing on your fence row over there, and I was wondering if you might...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day on the farm a mysterious stranger came up asking for work

The farmer then asked the man how qualified he was. The man, who we will call Joe, responded "I'm not good for too much sir, but I can harvest crops real good with these here hands." Feeling pity for the obviously poorly educated man the farmer agreed to give him the job.

As time goes on Joe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a finance professional is traveling to Goldman Sachs to be interviewed for an internship, and he has lost his way...

He asks a man in passing, "Hey, do you know the way to Goldman Sachs from here?" The man nods and says, "Yes, just take the next left, travel one block, and it will be on your right." The first man thanks him and is on his way.

Sure enough, he comes to a magnificent building coated in gold p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish peasant

An Irish peasant named Kory Andrea grew up knowing nothing but potatoes. His dad farmed potatoes, and his dad farmed potatoes, all the way back a thousand years. He had spent the entirety of his first twenty years on this Earth farming and harvesting potatoes.

One day, as if suddenly, the pot...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.