I reap what I sow

People often ask me how to get more karma.

I replied: Piece of cake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wanted to become a rich and famous painter...

But he lacked the skills. So the Devil came to him and said "I will make you a world class painter, you'll be rich and famous. In exchange, I want your soul." The painter agreed, and Lucifer snapped his fingers. A set of brushes appeared, which Satan quickly possessed. After being possessed by Satan...

'Ost

Once there was a town that had a very special crop called 'Ost, The reason this crop was special was it grew quick and emitted heat for a few minutes once fully grown which was good because this town was very cold. Now there was a peasant travelling through this town looking for a place to spend the...

Me, I like to harvest grains with a scythe.

Though not many people here like those of us who reap oats.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer gets a letter

A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived.

"Dear Ronald J. Kse,

This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide.

Thanks, you...

Why did Death come to r/jokes looking for a redditor with the username Oast?

Like everyone here on r/jokes, he came to reap Oast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mac and Dave are out hunting in the woods when Dave trips over something.

He looks back and picks up a lamp, buried in the undergrowth. As he gives it a quick rub, a genie pops out.

"WHO DISTURBS MY ENDLESS SLEEP!?" Booms the genie, "MY FURIOUS WRATH YOU NOW SHALL REAP!"

Mac helps Dave to his feet and pulls him away from the angered genie.

"Ta Mac",...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful message

An antique quote says "Those who plant Tamarinds, shall not reap those Tamarinds" Thats because normally a Tamarind plant lasts 40-50 years to mature and be able to be reaped.

One time a child found an old man farmer planting a Tamarind tree and asked "Grandpa, Why are you planting a Tamarind...

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sits next to a nun on a bus.

A man gets onto a bus in a small farming town and sees an attractive nun. Wanting to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me?"

"Of course not!" the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.

Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and s...

Welcome to the harvest!

I am your reap host.

A Couple were walking down a stern at night.

As they were walking, they pass by a house that seemed exceptionally quiet and dreary. The windows were pitch black, the chimney was spewing black smog, and the front door had darkness spilling from all edges. The husband was very curious as to why this house was so unnaturally dark, so went to the ...

Have you heard about the guy who goes around Reddit resubmitting movie soundtracks for upvotes?

All he does is reap OST

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A rapist dies and goes to hell

In hell he meets the devil and asks what punishment he will reap for eternity. The devil shows him to a room. The room has a table, a chair, infinite bottles of scotch, a glass and a NAKED GIRL DANCING in front of the table.

The rapist couldn't believe his luck and gets super excited.

...

What's the difference between a farmer MC and this joke?

One is a reap host; the other's a repost.

Are you a world war?

Because I'm Switzerland and I want to ignore you for 6 years, yet still reap the benefits

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man sees an old monk

A young man sees an old monk lovingly planting date seeds in his garden, next to his small hut.

A date palm can take almost 15-20 years before it begins to produce fruit. The young man is curious why this old monk is planting date palms.

He approaches the monk, expecting a wonderful d...

Two Scotsmen are sitting on a hill.

They are drinking some beer and reminiscing about their youth.

"Macalister, look at our town, I've built a third of those building, so many would be homeless without my work, but do they call me Shamus the builder?"

"No Shamus they don't." Replied his friend.

So they sit on the...

A circus owner and a pehlwan

This was originally told to me in Urdu and I am not sure how well it will translate into English. Here goes:

There was a [pehlwan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pehlwani) who was well known for eating a lot. So a circus owner got wind of him and approached him. He said 'I will get you lots of ...

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