Hard Times Jokes - 16 Hilarious Hard Times Jokes

hard times in the Soviet Union

One day, Ivan was at the doctor's office and the doctor told him "You're not a young man anymore, comrade. You need heart surgery."

Ivan said "All right, when can we do it?"

Doctor said "We can squeeze you in four years from today. That's a Monday."

Ivan replied "Can we make it ...

Good times make soft men, soft men make hard times.

And finally, hard times make men hard. Wait, no...

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The winter during hard times is like my

Things get harder as we have less clothing.

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"

(Sorry)

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A man runs a small business and falls on hard times......

....He has only two employees that work for him and he needs to lay one off in order to maintain the business. He realizes he has a tough choice ahead, on one hand there's his employee Debbie, a good employee but she's raising two children and he knows she really needs the job. On the other hand the...

What does a chicken do when they fall on hard times?

Chicken strips

Sean Connery had fallen on hard times. His work had completely dried up.

Then one day out of the blue his agent rang and said "Sean, I've got a job for you. It starts tomorrow, you've got to get there early, for 10'ish." Sean frowned "For 10'ish? But I havent even got a racket!"

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The church in my town fell on hard times recently...

There wasn't hardly enough money coming in to keep the lights on. So, with the approval of the priests, the friars began selling flowers from the Church's magnificent garden. They were a hit, and soon the flower money was rolling in in droves. A few days after they start, however, Tony, the local fl...

In these hard times, I wanted to give some hope to people who a family member in coma at the hospital...

...so I put a half eaten sandwish in each of the comatose patients' hands.

What does Reddit call it when a man is supportive of a woman during hard times?

Simpathy.

How do you make a weiner go soft but simultaneously make it experience hard times?

Sentence it to 21 months in prison.

A radiologist had fallen on hard times. Looking around for what he could eat, he saw that his keyboard didn't have safety warnings suggesting it wasn't edible. After getting so far, he began having stomach pains, so he decided to take an X-ray. He found an asterisk...

...blocking the colon.

The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I'm starting to think they're bad luck

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

An Old Man Goes In for a Physical...

The doctor concludes his examination and asks the patient if he drinks alcohol.

"I usually have a mimosa in the morning, a glass of wine with dinner, and a can of beer or two before bed."

"Well," says the doctor. "At your age the best thing would be for you to stop drinking entirely."<...

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