What do you call a deaf gynaecologist?

a lip reader!

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A woman goes to her new gynaecologist and he says "My, what a big vagina you have!..."

"what did you say?" she replies


"Why it's the biggest I've ever seen!"


She stands up, slaps him around the face, storms out of the office, drives home, grabs the big mirror off the wall, sets it on the ground, pulls down her underwear and stands over to see for herself. ...

What is common between a gynaecologist and a food delivery person?

They both can smell it but can't taste it.

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The Woman and the Farmer

A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'...
This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrat...

What do a near sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

My girlfriend's gynaecologist followed her on Instagram yesterday.

I really don't know what else he wants to see.

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A woman rushes to her gynaecologist in a total panic.

“Doctor, doctor! I made a horrible mistake, I hooked up with a guy i met at a bar and now I’m worried! Is it true you can get pregnant from anal sex?”

“Of course you can my dear, where do you think lawyers come from.”

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Two Gynaecologists

Two gynaecologists were chatting over their lunch break

G1:”you should’ve seen the one on my last patient. She had a vagina like a lemon!!”

G2:”what?! so large?”

G1:”No, so sour!”

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A woman goes to a gynaecologist...

... and she’s lying there with her legs spread wide while the gynaecologist quietly examines her.

She says “is everything ok down there?”

The gynaecologist says “I’ve never seen such an enormous vagina, enormous vagina!”

Perturbed, the woman says “You don’t have to say it twice....

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Wife: My gynaecologist told me that I cannot have sex for a month

Husband: That's all fine, did your dentist say anything

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A hot blonde goes to the gynaecologist for a check up...

When she enters his office, the doctor is overcome by his primal urges, and immediately tells her to take off her clothes.

"Do you know why I asked you to do that?" He asks, hesitantly.
"Sure, you want to check everything to make sure I'm fine."
"That's right!" He says.

After ...

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?

One looks up the family tree, the other looks up the family bush.

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Girlfriend says to boyfriend “The gynaecologist says I can’t have sex for two weeks. Boyfriend says to girlfriend..

“Well what did the dentist say”

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A prostitute goes to the gynaecologist

The doctor says: "Do you lose a lot during your period?"
"Yea, about 1000-1200$"

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The Gynaecologist’s Assistant

A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more.

"Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ...

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A woman goes to a doctor for a vaginal examination

After the examination, the doctor says that everything looks good.
Well, says the woman, That is great because I'm getting married for the fourth time tomorrow!
Oh... the doctor says. But the research shows that you are a virgin ...

Yes, that's right, the woman answers, but my first hu...

Ever heard of the blind gynaecologists?

Rumor has it he could read lips.

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A married gynaecologist looks at his hand

"Some cunt has got my ring"

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An attractive blonde walks into a gynaecologist’s clinic.

The doctor takes one look at her, and all his professionalism goes out the window. He quickly invites the blonde to undress and lay back on the examination table.

He starts by placing his hands on her ample tits and begins vigorously squeezing them. He then asks, “Do you know what I’m doing?”...

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A woman goes to her Gynaecologist.

A woman goes to her Gynaecologist. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.


"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said:


"Those aren't postage stamps my dear, They're the...

One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

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My coworker told me she should become a gynaecologist

Because she’s experienced in working with cunts

A visit to my gynaecologist

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctors office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.

The ...

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A woman visits the gynaecologist for the first time...

Her legs are up in the stirrups and she looks very uncomfortable. The doctor says, "You look nervous. Would you like me to numb you down there before the exam?"

She looks relieved and says "Yes, please."

So, the doctor puts his head between her legs and goes num, num, num.

A gynaecologist wants a change of profession.

A gynaecologist was a bit bored of his job and wanted a change of profession. He decided that he liked the idea of becoming a mechanic and applied for a position at the local garage. Sure enough he got the job and on his first day he was waiting for his first task. A car pulls up needing some work d...

I'm a retired Gynaecologist but ocassionally I do the odd appointment at a local surgey.

You know.... just to keep my hand in.

A nun goes to the gynaecologist

"Doctor, in the morning I always find blue confetti in my panties. Is it the devil's doing?"

"No, sister. Just remove the stickers from the bananas"

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

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Tax inspector marries a woman who was already married 6 times. First wedding night...

"Dear, please be careful, I'm a virgin!"

- No way! There were six spouses now?

"I'll explain everything to you.

My first husband was a psychiatrist. He was just talking about sex. Theoretically. Never did it in practice.

My second husband was a gynaecologist. He was just...

What do a visually impaired gynaecologist and dogs have in common?

Wet noses

Gynaecologists are the most negative people you can find

Because they look for faults where others look for pleasure

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What did the gynaecologist say to the vagina that grabbed his sandwich?

Don't, Snatch.

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First time

Wife : Be gentle, it is my first time in bed.


Husband : What? You had three divorces before.


Wife : My first husband was a philosopher. He only talked about it.


Second was a gynaecologist. He just kept looking at it.

And the third was an engineer. He wante...

Do you ever feel like eating something because it's there?

Today I got fired from my job as a gynaecologist.

I saw a car with a bumper stocker saying:

"I"m a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."

Suddenly I realised how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.

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A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work"...

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work".

The doctor had a thorough examination and was amazed.

"I've never seen anything like this" he said. "You can't have sex, you couldn't give birth, and it doesn't look like you can even us...

I am so bored now, So I applied for The NHS volunteer scheme.

Turns out they've got enough gynaecologist, Just waiting to hear back from the breast clinic.

The heart shaped wreath at the funeral of a a cardiologist

makes one wonder for the funeral of a gynaecologist.

You know when you have that urge to eat something just because it's there

That's how I lost my job as a gynaecologist.

A well renown heart surgeon has passed away.

All of his familiy members, colleagues and former students attend at his funeral service. Near the end of the ceremony, his well decorated coffin is being lowered into a heart shaped patch of red flowers, which opens up just before the coffin is being lowered. During that process, a man amongst the ...

My friend is a doctor

Hope it is'nt a repost.

My friend is a gynaecologist.

So he had a patient who came for a pelvic examination.

Since he was a male doctor he didn't want it to be awkward so he tried
talking to the patient,

he looked around and saw her sandals and on it, it
was writ...

An old lady went to visit her dentist,

When it was her turn, she squatted in the chair and lowered her underpants.

The dentist freaked out and looked at her and said

“Madam, I’m not a gynaecologist.”

“I know” she replied,

“I need you take my husbands dentures out.”

Cardiologist

A heart surgeon had died and at his funural the coffin was placed above a heart made of flowers. After everyone had said goodbye the coffin was lowered into the heart, during which someone began laughing really loud. 'What is wrong with you?' the person sitting next to the laughing man asked. 'I jus...

You'll have to travel to Oxford

A bloke goes into the jobcentre in Newcastle and sees a card advertising for a gynaecologists assistant, interested he goes to find out more..
'Can you give me some more details about this?' He said to the guy behind the desk.
The jobcentre guy shifts through his files and replies 'ah yes, I'...

You know that feeling when you want to eat something that’s right in front of you, but you can’t?

Yea, that’s why I quit being a gynaecologist

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Fourth husband

A wife was lying in her bed with her fourth husband, they were just married and very much in love. Says the wife, "please be gentle, I am still a virgin." So the husband asks, "how can you be a virgin if you've been married three times?".

Says the wife:

My first husband was a psychiatr...

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I found a dead mouse in my mother's basement.

Honestly, I hate being a gynaecologist sometimes.

Career Change

A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skill-ful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes,
attended dili...

Little old lady goes to a dentist...

A little old lady goes to the dentist.


She walks in to the dentists office, sits down, drops her panties, and lifts her legs.


Rather flustered the Dentist says, "I'm sorry madam, I'm not a gynaecologist!"


She says, "I know you're not, I just need my husband's teeth...

In the Australian Outback, they're called 'bush doctors'.

But I'm pretty sure everyone else just calls them gynaecologists.

I always eat what's put in front of me...

...and that's why I'm no longer allowed to be a gynaecologist.

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