UPJOKE
gynecologistvaginauterusobstetricianobstetricspaediatriciananesthetistanaesthetisturologistmidwifepediatriciannephrologisthomeopathhaematologistmedicine

Gynaecologist Jokes

A doctor is delivering a baby. The head comes out and the baby says “Hey, you my dad?”. The doctor is shocked, says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother. The doctors calls the gynaecologist over to have a look.

Again the baby’s head pops out, “Hey, you my dad!?” The gynaecologist says no and the baby shoots back inside the mother.

The doctor and gynaecologist decide they better get the father who was too squeamish to be in the delivery room.

So the father looks between his wife’s legs. The b...

My girlfriend's gynaecologist followed her on Instagram yesterday.

I really don't know what else he wants to see.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Woman and the Farmer

A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'...
This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrat...

A Gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hot blonde goes to the gynaecologist for a check up...

When she enters his office, the doctor is overcome by his primal urges, and immediately tells her to take off her clothes.

"Do you know why I asked you to do that?" He asks, hesitantly.
"Sure, you want to check everything to make sure I'm fine."
"That's right!" He says.

After ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Gynaecologists

Two gynaecologists were chatting over their lunch break

G1:”you should’ve seen the one on my last patient. She had a vagina like a lemon!!”

G2:”what?! so large?”

G1:”No, so sour!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman rushes to her gynaecologist in a total panic.

“Doctor, doctor! I made a horrible mistake, I hooked up with a guy i met at a bar and now I’m worried! Is it true you can get pregnant from anal sex?”

“Of course you can my dear, where do you think lawyers come from.”

What do you call a deaf gynaecologist?

a "lip reader"

What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common?

They can smell it but they can’t eat it.

What does a short-sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute goes to the gynaecologist

The doctor says: "Do you lose a lot during your period?"
"Yea, about 1000-1200$"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife: My gynaecologist told me that I cannot have sex for a month

Husband: That's all fine, did your dentist say anything

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my girlfriend just told me that she was fingered both anally and vaginally by the gynaecologist

saying "awesome" was not the right reaction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married gynaecologist looks at his hand

"Some cunt has got my ring"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to a gynaecologist...

... and she’s lying there with her legs spread wide while the gynaecologist quietly examines her.

She says “is everything ok down there?”

The gynaecologist says “I’ve never seen such an enormous vagina, enormous vagina!”

Perturbed, the woman says “You don’t have to say it twice....

A visit to my gynaecologist

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctors office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.

The ...

What did the gynaecologist knight say to the queen?

I am at your cervix.

A bloke goes into the job centre in Newcastle and sees a card advertising for a gynaecologist’s assistant; intrigued, he goes in to find out more…

‘Can you give me some more details about this?’ he says to the guy behind the desk.

The job centre guy sorts through his files and replies, ‘Ah yes, I've had quite a few enquiries about this one; the job involves you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist – you have to help them out of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to Harley Street in London having seen an advertisement for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Naturally interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.


The clerk pulled up the file and read: The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist.


You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regio...

Ever heard of the blind gynaecologists?

Rumor has it he could read lips.

What is the difference between a genealogist and gynaecologist?

Genealogist looks up the family tree and gynaecologist looks up the family bush.

A nun goes to the gynaecologist

"Doctor, in the morning I always find blue confetti in my panties. Is it the devil's doing?"

"No, sister. Just remove the stickers from the bananas"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive blonde walks into a gynaecologist’s clinic.

The doctor takes one look at her, and all his professionalism goes out the window. He quickly invites the blonde to undress and lay back on the examination table.

He starts by placing his hands on her ample tits and begins vigorously squeezing them. He then asks, “Do you know what I’m doing?”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girlfriend says to boyfriend “The gynaecologist says I can’t have sex for two weeks. Boyfriend says to girlfriend..

“Well what did the dentist say”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to her Gynaecologist.

A woman goes to her Gynaecologist. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.


"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said:


"Those aren't postage stamps my dear, They're the...

Gynaecologist

aka female private investigator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First time

Wife : Be gentle, it is my first time in bed.


Husband : What? You had three divorces before.


Wife : My first husband was a philosopher. He only talked about it.


Second was a gynaecologist. He just kept looking at it.

And the third was an engineer. He wante...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tax inspector marries a woman who was already married 6 times. First wedding night...

"Dear, please be careful, I'm a virgin!"

- No way! There were six spouses now?

"I'll explain everything to you.

My first husband was a psychiatrist. He was just talking about sex. Theoretically. Never did it in practice.

My second husband was a gynaecologist. He was just...

A gynaecologist wants a change of profession.

A gynaecologist was a bit bored of his job and wanted a change of profession. He decided that he liked the idea of becoming a mechanic and applied for a position at the local garage. Sure enough he got the job and on his first day he was waiting for his first task. A car pulls up needing some work d...

What do a visually impaired gynaecologist and dogs have in common?

Wet noses

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A P and a V are arguing about...

...who had the better owner.

V: my owner regularly takes care of me by trimming, washing, clean clothes and regular visits to gynaecologist. What does your your owner do to take care of you?

P: ...beats me

I saw a car with a bumper stocker saying:

"I"m a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."

Suddenly I realised how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.

The heart shaped wreath at the funeral of a a cardiologist

makes one wonder for the funeral of a gynaecologist.

You know when you have that urge to eat something just because it's there

That's how I lost my job as a gynaecologist.

Peanut in the ear

Sitting at home with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth while watching TV.

The man loses concentration for a split second and a peanut goes into his ear.

He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in deep.

...

I am so bored now, So I applied for The NHS volunteer scheme.

Turns out they've got enough gynaecologist, Just waiting to hear back from the breast clinic.

Gynaecologists are the most negative people you can find

Because they look for faults where others look for pleasure

One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

You know that feeling when you want to eat something that’s right in front of you, but you can’t?

Yea, that’s why I quit being a gynaecologist

An old lady went to visit her dentist,

When it was her turn, she squatted in the chair and lowered her underpants.

The dentist freaked out and looked at her and said

“Madam, I’m not a gynaecologist.”

“I know” she replied,

“I need you take my husbands dentures out.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found a dead mouse in my mother's basement.

Honestly, I hate being a gynaecologist sometimes.

Cardiologist

A heart surgeon had died and at his funural the coffin was placed above a heart made of flowers. After everyone had said goodbye the coffin was lowered into the heart, during which someone began laughing really loud. 'What is wrong with you?' the person sitting next to the laughing man asked. 'I jus...

Do you ever feel like eating something because it's there?

Today I got fired from my job as a gynaecologist.

Little old lady goes to a dentist...

A little old lady goes to the dentist.


She walks in to the dentists office, sits down, drops her panties, and lifts her legs.


Rather flustered the Dentist says, "I'm sorry madam, I'm not a gynaecologist!"


She says, "I know you're not, I just need my husband's teeth...

A well renown heart surgeon has passed away.

All of his familiy members, colleagues and former students attend at his funeral service. Near the end of the ceremony, his well decorated coffin is being lowered into a heart shaped patch of red flowers, which opens up just before the coffin is being lowered. During that process, a man amongst the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman decided to get her eyes tested

A young woman decided to get her eyes tested as she'd recently been having trouble reading. So she books an appointment and goes in the following week. After waiting briefly she is ushered into one of the offices and is greeted by a middle aged man.

"How can I help you madame? " he asks her<...

I always eat what's put in front of me...

...and that's why I'm no longer allowed to be a gynaecologist.

My friend is a doctor

Hope it is'nt a repost.

My friend is a gynaecologist.

So he had a patient who came for a pelvic examination.

Since he was a male doctor he didn't want it to be awkward so he tried
talking to the patient,

he looked around and saw her sandals and on it, it
was writ...

In the Australian Outback, they're called 'bush doctors'.

But I'm pretty sure everyone else just calls them gynaecologists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fourth husband

A wife was lying in her bed with her fourth husband, they were just married and very much in love. Says the wife, "please be gentle, I am still a virgin." So the husband asks, "how can you be a virgin if you've been married three times?".

Says the wife:

My first husband was a psychiatr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work"...

A woman went to the doctor and said "I'm not sure what the problem is, but my vagina doesn't work".

The doctor had a thorough examination and was amazed.

"I've never seen anything like this" he said. "You can't have sex, you couldn't give birth, and it doesn't look like you can even us...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.