A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home...

As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn't help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

"Tennis ball" the man said.

"Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!"

Wanna know why jogging is evil?

"The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous stand as bold as a lion."

Proverbs 28:1

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There was this woman that would go jogging every day.

She’d jog the same exact distance, the same exact route, at the same time each and every day. One day she notices on the pavement below her, as she jogs by, it is written in chalk “WILL”. She doesn’t think anything of it, and continues. The next day, when she’s jogging, at the same exact spot on the...

Two Tomatoes out jogging when one trips and falls....

T1 : “ Grab my Heinz and I’ll help you up!”
T2 : “ Nah, you go on ahead and I’ll Ketchup!”

A young boy is jogging away from school, with tears running down his eyes, sobbing. He enters a house and...

Says "Mom! Mom! Evrryone in my school keeps calling me distracted"

The woman replies

"They are probably right my boy because your house is on the other side of the street"

Every morning for the past few months, I announce loudly at breakfast that I’m going jogging, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear.

I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

My Grandma decided to start jogging for her health.

It's been almost 2 years now and nobody knows where she is.

A guy is out jogging when he sees a tennis ball in the gutter

He picks it up and puts it in his pocket, and keeps on going.

A while later comes across a friend also out jogging, and they carry on together. After a while his friend says "What's that lump in your shorts?

”"That's a tennis ball" he replies.

"Wow!" says his friend, "I've had t...

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A very fit, attractive man is jogging along the beach one morning...

...and he comes across a old, handicapped woman in a wheelchair, sobbing.


The man stops, and with concern in his voice, politely asks the woman what’s the matter.


She waves him off, but he insists. He wants to help.


“Well, it’s just that I’m an old woman in a whee...

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An old man decides one day to go for a jog.

An old man decides one day to go for a jog. While jogging through the park he notices a couple of tennis balls sitting on the grass. As he approaches the tennis balls he notices no one was around so he says to himself 'Sweet, a couple of free tennis balls', so he picks them both up and puts one in e...

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The other day I went for a jog in the park and began my routine of running laps around the pond.

On my first lap I noticed a girl in a wheelchair crying. I approached her and asked why she was crying. She told me "I'm crying because I've never been hugged!" Feeling sympathetic, I hugged her and she said "Thank you! I feel so much better!" as her tears subsided.

I continued jogging and as...

This morning I choked on water while jogging for the third time this week...

Worst running gag ever.

A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1...

He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she... ahem... rewards him... then he steps on the scale....

I started jogging today

Just kidding. I exercised restraint instead.

Two black holes are jogging in space.

One says "You should slim down to get more attractive."

"Are you dense?" replies the other.

A quarterback from a local football team is jogging through his neighborhood...

As he’s running he’s talking himself up like “yeah, you’re the best” “you’re gonna throw that ball so hard bro”

as he’s jogging he begins to hear screaming down the street and sees an area that seems brighter than the rest. He wraps around the corner to see what’s happening.

As he ar...

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317 days without sex...

went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound

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A guy jogging on the beach sees a girls with no arms or legs.

Her torso is just propped up on some sand. As he draws nearer he sees that she's crying. He doesn't want to intrude, but he figures she might need some help.

"Excuse me, miss. Why are you crying?" he asks.
She responds "I'm just so sad! I've never been kissed before and I don't guess I eve...

A man is jogging along the road when he find an absolutely pristine tennis ball on the ground.

It doesn't seem to belong to anyone. So he picks it up and puts it in his pocket.
While waiting at a cross walk another man notices the bulge and asks "What is that?"
"A tennis ball" he replies.
"Oh, that must hurt a lot! I once had a Tennis Elbow"

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I was jogging the other morning and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery

I noticed a man crouched at a grave.

I said, "morning."

He replied, "No, just taking a shit."

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Lose 10Kg/22 Pounds a week or get double your money back !

A guy is reading his newspaper and stops on an ad:

"***Lose 5 Kg /11 Pounds in one week or we will pay you back twice your money, guaranteed !***"

He goes to the adress and the hostess at the reception collect the payment and shows the client a room saying: enter here you will see ...

I got tired jogging in front of the car

So I ran behind it, but soon became exhausted.

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[Dirty] A woman was jogging down the beach.

A woman was jogging down the beach as she spots this man alone heavily crying.

She stops and asks the man "What's wrong?"

The man sobs "Well to start off, I've lived my whole life without arms or legs and my doctor told me I only have a few months left to live."

She replies "I...

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Flash was jogging trough His neighborhood when He noticed Wonder Woman naked and laying down with her legs wide open by the pool

He thought: I can go fuck Her really fast and She won't know what happened, and so He did it in less than 1 second.
Wonder Woman says after: What the fuck was that?
I don't know but it hurt my ass really bad said the invisible man.

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A man is jogging along a beach...

A man is jogging along a beach when he sees a woman with no arms or legs sitting on a bench, crying.

He walks up to her and asks her if she's okay, to which she replies,

"I see all these people hugging, and I've never been hugged!"

So the man gives her a hug and then jogs off....

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A man was jogging down the street....

when he suddenly slipped over on a pile of dog shit and landed face first in the gutter. Whilst he was picking himself up an elderly woman rounded the corner and before he could utter a word she too slipped on the shit and fell to the ground.
"Hey, I just did that!" said the man
"You should be...

I've finally come up with a name for my classic rock-themed jogging club.

Runs 'n Goeses.

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My wife and the hooker...

My wife of 5 years had put on just a little bit of weight recently and I wanted to encourage her to become fitter. I took up jogging hoping she’d join me on my runs but she didn’t take to it immediately. Nevertheless, I continued doing it every evening and like clockwork,I would run past this extrem...

Barack Obama was out jogging one day...

When he tripped, and fell over a bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before secret service could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted in return for saving his life. The first kid said, "I want to go to ...

A man jogging in the woods finds a little boy crying next to his two dead parents..

The little boy comes up crying and says

"Mister mister! This is the worst day of my life! My family went for a walk and then my dad shot my mom and then shot himself!!"

The man looks at the boy, looks around, looks at the boy again,and starts to take off his pants and says
"Well, ...

At the gym, I decided to hop on a treadmill.

People gave me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

The bunny jogging

A bunny is running through the forest and he meets a hedgehog, who's smoking a joint, so the bunny says:

"Hedgehog noo, don't do it, drugs are dangerous, come to run with me in the forest!"

The hedgehog convinced by the bunny runs with him.
They run and they meet a bluetit w...

A man and a woman are out to dinner at a fancy restaurant

Right around when the appetizers they hear a loud sound like galloping hooves on the marble floor.

They both turn to see a half-man half-horse jogging around the restaurant

Eventually it stops running and stands at attention.

They stare

A loud trumpet sounds and the Head ...

I broke up with my girlfriend while we were jogging.

I guess we had a good run.

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A man was out jogging in California...

when he stumbled upon an old lamp. He gave it a run and a genie popped out! "Thank you for freeing me," the genie said, "for this, you may have one wish." The man thinks for a while and says, "Well whenever I go to the beach with my speedo's on I feel embarrassed cos of the size of my package... So ...

One day bush went jogging...

One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, “Boys, you saved the...

Bill Clinton is out on his morning jog...

and he sees a hooker. As he passes her he says, "Twenty bucks?"

"No way," she answers.

The following morning Bill is jogging with Hillary. They pass the same hooker on the street and she says, "See what you get for twenty bucks?"

I went to college in Hawaii and

While I was jogging on the beach one day, I saw a man in the distance drowning !
He was waving his arms screaming:
“Helllppppp.... *Shark* ... please... hellllpppppp”

And then I started laughing, haha, cause I knew that that shark wasn’t going to help him

A man goes jogging down the street...

...every morning and passes the same house each day. Each time he passes, he hears chanting from beyond the tall fence of the home. Eventually, he decides to investigate. He again makes his way to the house and hears people on the other side of the fence chanting "10, 10, 10, 10..." After a bit of s...

Exercise has helped with my depression immensely.

My wife started jogging a few months ago, and I feel far better about being seen with her.

I saved €1.50 today...

Today I came home from work, out of breath and sweaty. My wife asked me what happened, to which I replied, "I saved €1.50 today by jogging behind the bus instead of riding it."
Instead of looking pleased, my wife looked annoyed. "Bloody moron," she said, "if you had jogged behind a taxi you could...

An 80y/o bloke goes to the doctor for his regular checkup.

Doc: "How are you feeling then Mr Tabernackle?" Mr Tabernackle: 'I feel amazing. I just hit a 90 on 18 holes at the club, went for a great swim and my 21 year old wife is pregnant!' Doc: "That's incredible!" Mr Tabernackle: 'Well you don't have to be so astounded. I may be 80 but I keep myself in go...

Amputee

There was a girl with no arms or legs sitting on a wheelchair in park by a lake. A jogger ran past and noticed she is crying. So sympathetically he asks her whats wrong and sobbing she replied she has never been hugged before, so the man hugged her and ran away. The next day the jogging man noticed...

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3 boys find a 5 dollar bill on the sidewalk

3 boys find a 5 dollar bill on the sidewalk and try to decide how to spend it.
The first boy says "we should go buy a comic book". The other 2 decide against it, realizing that once they've read it, they'll have nothing left.
The second boy says "we should go buy candy". The other 2 decide aga...

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A woman with no arms and legs was crying on a beach..

She's lying there crying when a nice gentleman is jogging by and notices her crying. He says " Excuse me ma'am why are you crying?" She replies with " I've never been hugged before." So the gentleman gives her a hug and wishes her the best and jogs off.

A short while passes by before she star...

What is the definition of macho?

Jogging home after a vasectomy.

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Never met a girl quite like you before.

Everyday a man goes jogging by a lake, everyday he comes across a a disabled women who has no arms and no legs. One day she stops the man and says to him "I've never been hugged before will you hug me?"so he does and carries on. The next day the man is jogging and comes across her again and she sa...

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A man on vacation

A man on vacation is jogging down the beach one morning when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs laying on a beach towel. She calls him over and says

"I've never been hugged before, will you hug me?" Feeling sorry for this woman, he picks her up and hugs her tight, before continuing on ...

Why California is broke and Texas is not.

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.<...

The basketball coach storms into the president office and demands a raise..

The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there.

“Jesus Christ, man,” protested President Kubritski, “you already make more than the entire English department.”
“Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” th...

President Obama is doing his morning exercises...

...and jogging around the White House grounds when one of the Secret Service agents suggests he should see how fast he can circle the White House ten times. After all, it is a presidential tradition to try it at least once, and being moderately athletic, he figured he'd make pretty good time. So he ...

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Magical meadow (Russian translated)

An Elk walking in the forest hears strange tiny noises "oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah", he follows the voice and sees a small Hedgehog running in cercles on the meadow.
He stops the hedgehog and asks him :

- Hey my friend what are you doing ?

- I just discovered this meadow and I think it...

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Three men were patiently waiting in line to get into heaven.

When they finally got to Saint Peter, the angel said to them: "We're only admitting one out of every three souls right now due to overcrowding. Whoever has the most tragic death of you three will be getting in today."

Saint Peter turns to the first man and asks him how he got here.
The man...

The most hilarious Yo Mama Jokes, Let's do it guys!

Three from my side:

Your Mama So Fat,

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

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Working in a mental institution

There was a nurse in a mental institution. As he was doing his rounds, he saw a patient dribbling and imaginary basketball and then shooting it. The nurse said "What are you doing?" The man replied, "I get out in 2 months and I'm going to the NBA." The nurse laughed and moved on

The next room...

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Superman and The Flash

Superman and the Flash were jogging around Central Park when they spot Wonder Woman sunbathing naked behind some bushes. Superman says to Flash "That is one fine piece of ass" The Flash says "you know Superman, with my super speed I bet I can screw her brains out and be gone before she suspects any...

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helping the disabled

A guy goes jogging along a cliff face that over looks the ocean, and sees a woman with no arms or legs sitting on a bench crying. He stops to make sure she's alright. "What's wrong." he asks. She looks up at him sobbing and says,"my entire life no one has ever hugged me." So the guy gives her a hug...

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THE CLINTONS AND THE $50 HOOKER

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees him and calls out, “Fifty dollars!”
He's tempted, but the price is a little high so he calls back, “Five!”
She's disgusted and turns away while Bill continues his...

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