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Guarded Jokes

Why are the gates of Heaven guarded?

Because everybody’s dying to get in.

Three men find a magical well guarded by a sorcerer.

Three men find a magical well guarded by a sorcerer. The sorcerer says they can jump down the well and whatever they shout as they descend will appear at the bottom.

The first man jumps and shouts “gold!”

The second man jumps and shouts “silver!”

The third man jumps and shouts “...

What do you call a mountaintop guarded by rogues?

A sneak peak

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A detachment of US Marines are conducting jungle warfare training in the Congo, and one night around the campfire, the Congolese troops they're training with tell the Marines the tale of a cave in the middle of the jungle, filled with golden treasure but guarded by a fearsome monster.

According to the local soldiers, the cave is filled with the treasures of an ancient African king, but a sorcerer used his arcane powers to create an unholy creature to guard it. She was formed from a mix of human, gorilla, chimpanzee, and baboon, and stands seven feet tall, enormously strong. She h...

A priest & a driver arrives at heaven's gate, guarded by St. Peter.

Upon arrival at heaven's gate, St. Peters asks which one of the two is the driver, and the driver replied "Me!".

"Alright, come on in to heaven."

The priest asks "How about me?"

"Well, the reason why I'm not letting you in is that, when you're preaching all your followers are a...

A US banker is invited to the Finance Minister of East Germany and sees large quantities of gold lying around in the courtyard of the ministry.

Astonished, the American says to his host:

"In my country, gold is a very precious commodity. It is kept in Fort Knox, surrounded by an almost insurmountable concrete wall, watchtowers, mines and barbed wire, and guarded by dogs and soldiers."

"You see," replies the minister of East ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You're in a heavily guarded room with walls all around you, and you only have a mirror and a table. How do you get out?

Well...
You look in the mirror, you see what you saw.
You take the saw, you cut the table in half.
Two halves make a whole, put the hole in the wall.
You talk with the guards until your voice gets hoarse, you get on the horse and ride away.

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