I started babysitting to make some extra cash and it’s a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be...

I’ve been sitting on this baby for the last hour and a half and it hasn’t made a sound.

I’m so tired of babysitting my mom’s grandkids

Disclosure: Yes they’re mine but they like her more

I saw a guy in in the bus with 8 kids.

I asked him if he was babysitting for someone or worked as a preschool teacher or something?

He said, "I work for a condom company, and these are customer complains"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just hired a hot 19 year-old Swedish girl with massive tits to babysit my kids. Now...

Where the fuck do I get some kids from?

My dad was babysitting my two children, so I called him later to ask how it was going.

Me: "What did they have for dinner?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "What about Clark?"

Dad: "Spaghetti"

Me: "Ok ... So what time did they go to bed?"

Dad: "Which one? Charlie or Clark?"

Me: "Charlie"<...

How does a black person babysit the white neighbor kid?

He Puts him in the cupboard with the rest of the crackers.

What's worse than Michael Jackson babysitting your kids?

The McCanns taking them on holiday

A joke from the 6-year old my girlfriend babysits...

They are watching TV, and this conversation happens...

GF: "It's cold, I'm freezing in here."

KID: "Let me guess. Your house is much hotter."

GF: "No, actually it's much colder because my roommate doesn't want to put the heat on."

KID: "So why don't you just put it on?...

Do you know the difference between twelve-year-old scotch and baby formula?

No? Then you're sure as hell not babysitting for my kids!

So a girl is stuck babysitting her little brother...

When she finally gets him to bed on the bottom bunk of his bunk-bed, she decides to invite her boyfriend over so that they can have a little fun together. To avoid her parents walking in on her, she takes her boyfriend and they get up on the top bunk of her little brothers bed, being careful to not ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I knew babysitting my neighbor's son was gonna be a challenge...

The first time I went to babysit, I tripped on the doormat, spilled my coffee, and yelled 'son of a bitch!'

Then the kid poked his head out of his room, and said 'did somebody call?'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is about to go to a stag party with his friends.

Before he heads off, his girlfriend of 3 years tells him "You've had a history of getting stupidly drunk and leaving me to babysit you every time you come back on nights out like these. If you come back to our house drunk like that tonight, we're through."

The man agrees with her, and heads o...

I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

P1: what's the difference between a baby and a toothbrush?

P2: i don't know

P1: well, I'm never letting you babysit

A man decides to sell his Jeep Wrangler

Because his friends keep giving him a hard time about the car saying it’s a vehicle made for teenage girls, the Jeep owner decided to go ahead and sell it.

One of the man’s friends felt pretty bad about it and decided to help him out, telling the owner that he would drive it around with the ...

I don't get anti-vaxxers.

If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?

What do you feed a dog with fever?

Mustard. Works well with hot dogs.

Courtesy of an 8 year old I babysit

Things you should never ask Drax the Destroyer to do for you.

Babysit

I lost 40 pounds in a day;

but I also lost my babysitting job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dating 101

Heres what you do:

1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

A drunk German and Russian are walking around town with a sober Brit

After a few too many, the group decides to head home but the two drunks can't seem to walk in a straight line, bumping into everything in sight as the Brit keeps them from hurting themselves. Fed up with babysitting them, the Brit decides to have some fun.

The German and Russian first bump in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got fired for having sexual relations with my client

It's alright, I didn't like babysitting anyway.

A man visits a chicken farm.

A man visits a chicken farm to buy some eggs. He knocks on the farmhouse door, the farmer opens it and invites him in. After picking out a box of a dozen eggs, the man caught a glimpse of a golden shine coming through a slightly opened door to his left. The man asks the farmer about the light and is...

Many years ago I had stopped in to bring my girlfriend...

.....some pizza while she was babysitting.

We received a call that her grandmother had been taken to the hospital, so I agreed to watch the children, so she could meet her family at the hospital.

Well, the parents were at a movie and these were the days before cell phones, so I couldn’...

So I got fired from my first job today...

I guess you can't make out with customers.
Babysitting was boring anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ship goes down at sea and two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.

The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.

The man eventually comes to the realization that he will never be rescued. Sadly he beg...

What's the difference between your child and your husband?

At least you can leave your child alone with the babysit

Fruity

While babysitting, I was preparing a snack for my best friends daughter. Wasn't sure what I should give her, and noticed I had a lot of fruit. So I asked her "What's your favorite fruit?" She looked at me with complete seriousness, and said "loops".

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.