I got hired to watch over horses today

It’s a stable job

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Shah and the Guard

Once upon a time, far away in the ancient land of Persia, the ruler of the country was called the Shah and his wife was known as the Shahnee.

And it came to pass, in the fullness of time, that the Shahnee gave birth to a son, and this son, being the heir to the Peacock Throne was given the ti...

James was recently hired as a new butler for an old rich man

However, despite the old man’s age, he had a smoking hot 20 year old wife.

One day, the couple goes out to dinner and tells James to watch over the house while they are gone.

About thirty minutes later, the wife walks into the house without the old man and sees James.

She direct...

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her daughter walks in. The daughter asks, “Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?”

Her mother replies, “I’ll show you”, and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the daughter says, “Someone’s at the door!”.

The mother laughs. “This is why people think we’re stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door.”

Why did KGB officers always travel in threes?

One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.

A man goes on vacation...

And calls up his buddy to see if he'll watch over the house and, more importantly, the cat.

"Sure thing, Jim! You know I love Tiger! You just enjoy your trip and I'll call you if anything pops up."

Two days later, Jim is sunbathing on a cruise ship when his phone rings. He recognizes h...

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The tale of Paul and Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

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At the pearly gates, St. Peter needs to take a piss

He asks Jesus to watch over the gate for him.

"It's really easy," he says. "All you have to do is ask anyone who comes a little bit about his life, then decide if he's good enough to come in."

St. Peter leaves and after a few minutes an old man approaches Jesus at the gates. Jesus gre...

My dad's favourite joke

Three men are standing at the top of the Empire State Building.

The first man turns to the other two and says: "I bet you $1000 each that you can't throw your watch off the side, and catch it before it hits the ground."

Both men look at each other, look at their cheap watches, think "t...

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