UPJOKE
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Subscript Jokes

I haven't kept up my subscription to Scrabble Club.

Now they're sending me threatening letters.

I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021

I’ve experienced the 7 day trial and I’m not interested

Why don’t BMW owners use their turn signals?

They’re too stubborn to pay the monthly subscription fee!

Subscriptions

Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Cliff says, "Why?"

Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit."

Netflix’s new subscription fees are so high I’ve had to stop paying the heating bill,

Brings a whole new meaning to Netflix and chill…

Today I cancelled my subscription to the decade

We've all been through 2020.

It has become clear to me that 2021 is pronounced "2020 won," and that 2022 is pronounced "2020 too."

What do you call a pork based subscription service?

OnlyHams

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know OnlyFans was supposed to just be a non-sexual subscription based site?

But it became LonelyFans oh so fast....

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I found a porn site that wanted me to sign up to a 12 month subscription.

If I could deal with that kind of commitment, I wouldn't be watching porn.

My wife has been addicted to Netflix lately and has started to ignore me...

...So I went ahead and renewed the subscription for another 10 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting a new premium subscription service that will distribute sexual content based on Japanese demons.

It shall be called Oni Fans.

My friend asked me for one good reason why he should get a Netflix subscription.

I told him 13 reasons why.

Can you please tell me how to pronounce the variable y subscripted by a zero?

Sure, why not.

Why does Nintendo require an online subscription to finish Final Fantasy VII?

Cloud saves.

A friend got me a subscription to “Philatelic: the official source for stamp enthusiasts”

Which made me really angry because that was a habit I was trying to lick.

I was just about to watch Armageddon on Netflix, when my subscription expired.

"Ah well," I thought. "It's not the end of the world."

I just got subscription to a Magazine About lettuce...

...I mean, It's fun to leaf through, and full of crisp facts -*And that's just issue 1!* The publishers assure me that it's only the tip of the iceberg! Gee, I can't wait for issue 2 to see what facts romaine!

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

I've had my gym subscription for 4 months now and nothing has changed

Guess I'll have to go there personally and see what's happening

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Bob loves tractors…

Bob’s wife threatens him with divorce if he doesn’t seek help for his obsession with tractors.

He fucking loves tractors. He has tractor-branded t-shirts, ties, socks, bags, glassware, posters, multiple subscriptions to various tractor magazines. You name it, he’s got it.

Fearing losin...

There's a new video subscription service in Russia called Nyetflix

But the rental period is too short so you're always Russian!

The cast of Friends has reunited to open a DVD shop

A man walks in and says, “My Netflix subscription just ran out. Do you have the latest season of You?”

The staff points to a corner of the shop and says, “Aisle B there for You.”

Bobby Kotick walks into a bar

and orders an 18 year old whiskey.

The bartender pours him a 1 year old whiskey.

Kotick says, "But I ordered 18 year old whiskey!"

The bartender says, "To get 18 year old whiskey, you have to pay the farming fee, the harvesting fee and the aging fee. You also have to purchase a...

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After a long, miserable day a man hears a knock at the door..

He walks to the door and opens it to find there's no one there. He assumes it must be the neighborhood kids messing with him, so he angrily slams the door and begins to walk away.
He takes a couple steps and hears the knock again. He lunges back and quickly opens the door, hoping to catch the kid...

This Valentine's Day, 1 in 3 people will be crying into a bag of popcorn while watching Netflix alone.

Not me, though. I can't afford a subscription.

My nieces asked me to kill a wasp for them...

I told the that that's a feature of "Uncle Premium" and their attitudes only get them the basic subscription!

A man and a woman are about to have intercourse

Woman: Do you have protection

Man: Yes, I spend $2.99 on my monthly NordVPN subscription

Being a woman after puberty has some amazing benefits!

But the monthly subscription price is a real pain

Why did Netflix lose 250 dollars?

Because all of Mo'Niques fans cancelled their subscription.

r/Jokes has finally started to do something about all the reposts

If you see a reposted joke, they'll refund your subscription fees.

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So I heard that Gamestop is looking for a Buyer

I'm readying an offer of $3.25 in Store Credit and a subscription to Game Informer.

What should you buy so you always have ammunition on hand?

A magazine subscription.

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The dean of a conservative college was mad that boys kept entering the girls dorm.... He called a general assembly and said:

"It is unacceptable for anyone to enter the dormitory of the opposite sex! If anyone is caught doing this from now on, it will result in a $100 fine for the first offence. If the same individual is caught a second time, the fine is $500, and for a third offence, the fine is $1000! Does anyone have a...

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If Microsoft made cars.

Disclaimer: This Joke was made in the 1990's in response to comments that if the automobile industry kept pace with Silicone Valley cars would be much more advanced. The origin is the Mid 1990's
However at close retrospect some of this now happens.





At a computer expo (...

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The Naked Spa

An old man decided to pay a Naked Spa a visit. After registering for a new membership and changing into his birthday suit, he decided to take a walk around the place all naked and stuff.

Along the way, he saw a young naked woman which gave him a boner. The woman noticed him, so she walked ove...

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There was once an old postman...

...whose name was Stan. Stan had had a robust career delivering mail in a small town for over 45 years, and decided to retire. On his final day of work, the families on his route all decided to give him presents to show their appreciation. At the first house, the McKinsleys gave him a very nice set ...

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