A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"

"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"

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I was talking to a fat lass with huge tits last night.

"My eyes are up here..." I said, as she looked down at the kebab in my hand

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Budweiser method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they "discuss" her "rating," which is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, "I'd give her a 7. She's really quite pretty." Another agrees, and so does the third...

An Irishman was stranded on an island....

So members of a search and recovery team we assembled. After several months he had been located, but there was no way to get a boat over the reef. Since he had been gone so long, they decided to let a ‘fine Irish Lass’, who had been trained in recovery and scuba to go meet him and then find a place ...

Bring on the limericks

Belinda, a charming young lass Had a most magnificent ass. Twasn't rounded and pink, As you probably think, It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

A woman on vacation in Scotland

...is at a pub when a man walks in in a kilt.

She's on vacation, and she's been drinking so she's brave enough to ask the question that's been on her mind.

"Excuse me sir, but what do you guys wear underneath your kilts?"

"Ayy lass, go'on an 'ave a look for yourself".

S...

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

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My priest got mad at me for drawing a risque woman showing her butt on a stained window, but thankfully he let me off with a warning.

Looks like I got a crass glass lass ass mass pass.

I thought I was about to get lucky in Thailand

A lass it was not to be

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The old farmer and his dear friend went to the market.

The market was full of various stalls stocked with agricultural goods & wares. Whilst browsing the plentiful market the old farmer couldn’t help but notice a busty blonde lady and he stared at her longingly.

“Corrr!” Whispered the old farmer to his pal. “I’ll pay a pretty penny to get me...

What do you call it when a toy and an elf have a baby girl?

Lego Lass

Magic bunny!

A young texan cowboy is riding along his property when he spots an injured rabbit struggling to free itself from some wire mesh it's stuck in. He's about to put the furball out of its misery when the rabbit says:

"Wait!! I'm a magic bunny! If you free me and let me go, I'll grant you one wish...

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

"Salad tastes nice."

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley...

... proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemen...

Two Irish men are walking to Dublin

We’ll call them Sean and Murphy. And they’re two Irish farm hands going to Dublin on their day off.

Sean falls and twists his ankle and says “Aye, Murph. I can’t go much farther. I’ll just nip into this bar off the road and you can get me on yer way back.”

Murphy says, “alright, Sean...

Darts Team

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," s...

Jesus and Peter are getting a little bored

[NSFW] Jesus and Peter are getting a little bored up in heaven, so they decide to head on down to earth for a little fun. The get dressed in their gladrags (Peter points out to Jesus his boots aren't so stylish these days) and head off to a club. So they don't cramp each other's style, the separat...

A Scottish man and his Korean wife take their daughter to the fair...

They walk around enjoying the sights, trying their best to blend in with the crowds. Their daughter sees a stage with a sign for a beauty pageant that says "Open entry, TRUE SCOTS ONLY!"

She drags her parents towards it, wanting to enter. They approach the official, asking how to sign her up ...

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Meeting the Irish Mother

A young Irish lad takes the girl he loves to meet his family.

The matriarch of the family asks the girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?"

The girl hesitantly says, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."

Immediately, the lad's mother faints. After regaining c...

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TV Licensing

Some lad about my age in his mid 20's had someone from TV licensing at his door so I had a cheeky listen, Glad I did.

"Do you watch live TV sir?"

"Nah mate, TV's shite, don't even own one. Prefer my music me"

"May I pop inside and look so I can confirm and put that on our system...

A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party...

A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party when she runs up to her uncle and firmly tells him: "When you gonna take me to Florida or don't you remember your promise?" Her uncle seem a little confused, and as he gazed down at her quizzically, and a twinkle in his eyes and stated- ...

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An Irishman walks into a pub in Dublin

and says, "Aye lass, how bout you piss in a mug and let me drink it?"
The barmaid responds, "Me husband is in the back. I don't want any trouble." The Irishman replies, "Then why don't ya let me drink the sweat from between your breasts?" The barmaid, now visibly upset, says, "I already told ya,...

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out last night instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Funny Lass, bit fed up of all the web developers out there though. She said she prefers those who like to live on the edge, maybe perhaps, a spy-der.

A Scottish, fedora-wearing art professor complimented his Scandinavian student.

"Nice skies, Finnish lass!"

A man is on the the phone with a bartender.

He says to the bartender "Is there a young, blonde lady there?"

The bartender responds "There are dozens, sir. Be more specific."

"She's wearing a plaid crop top, ripped short jean shorts, boots, pigtails and a cowboy hat."

The bartender replies "yeah, she's here, what of it?"<...

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An old time prospector lives 50 miles outside of the only town for a hundred miles

This old timer is well known for only coming in to town once a year, to spend his money on whiskey and supplies, never to be seen again until the next year.

One year, he comes to town, heads straight for the bar, and tells the bartender "set 'em up, I'm celebratin'!"

After he knocks b...

The Perfect maid

They hired a lovely lass for the job.

She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.

"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to...

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The Jar in the Bar

So a man goes out to meet his buddies at a new bar. When he arrives, the first thing he sees is a giant glass jar in the far corner of the room, 7 feet by 6 feet, packed to the brim with $10 bills.

He sits down and asks his buddies, "What's with the jar?"
"No idea" responds his friend, s...

So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...

but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will b...

A woman is marrying a sailor

Before the wedding night her father warns her

"Now lass, when you get to bed tonight he might demand it 'the other way around'"

"What do you mean" she asks but he tells her she'll find out soon enough.

The wedding night comes and goes without the groom asking for it the other wa...

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The Irishman's Three Wishes

One day an Irishman meets a leprechaun counting his pot of gold while wandering through the forest. The leprechaun says, "if ye promise not to tell anyone where I keep me gold, I'll grant ye three wishes!"

"I promise on me ma's grave!" said the Irishman.

"One thing, though. Whatever y...

A Scottish man is walking down the street wearing a kilt.

A young woman approaches the man and asks,"Are ye a true Scotsman under that kilt there?"

The man replies "Why don' ye stick yer hand up there an' find out feryerself"

So the woman reaches under the man's kilt and quickly pulls it back yelling "It's gruesome"

To which the man re...

A Scottish man in a kilt is having a few drinks with some friends...

...when the barmaid asks him "do you wear underwear under that kilt?" He smiles and says "Stick ya hand up there lass an see for yer self". She declines, but as the night wears on her curiosity grows so she asks again, and again he says "Stick ya hand up there lass an see for yer self". she decides ...

Sailor walks up to a Pirate in a bar...

...offers to buy the pirate a drink if he tells him the tales of his hook, pegleg, and eye patch.

The pirate agrees, but to one drink per tale.

Sailor buys him a drink, and says, well, why don't you start with the pegleg?

Pirate takes a long swig, leans forward and says "SHARK!"...

Be careful what you ask for!

A Scotsman was strolling across High Street one day wearing
his kilt. As he neared the far curb, he noticed two young blondes in
a red convertible eyeing him and giggling.

One of them called out, "Hey, Scotty! What's worn under the kilt?"

He strolled over to the side of the car ...

So a Scotsman gets drunk...

....And falls asleep outside the pub he was drinking at.

Well in the morning two English lasses happen by and see the Scot in the gutter and the first lass says to the second, "Mary, shall we see if it's true what they say about the Scots?"

So they pull his kilt up and sure as the su...

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A drunkard's curiosity

It's a typical day in England; overcast and raining. A older man is enjoying his day off by drinking on his porch and watching travelers enter and exit the city.

Across the street is a young gentleman, handsome, and obviously good with the ladies, because every time a pretty young lass happe...

An ugly homeless man walks into a bar with a huge smile.

He uses what little money he has to order himself a drink. The bartender serves him and asks "What are you so happy about?" The homeless man replies. "I just got laid big time. First time in about 30 years. I was hanging out by the train tracks where I saw a women tied up like in those old western m...

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Pittsburgh

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh.

Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.

The priests were all embarrassed and in new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get ...

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Ugly People

So there is this bus full of ugly people, the lowest of the low, people who you would not let your grandma kiss, driving along a cliff and the bus crashes and falls off. All of the people end up going to heaven and God feels so sorry for them being ugly that he grants each of them one wish. All of t...

Silly superstition

A reporter was on a business trip in Bangkok, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar.

After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.

"Say, how old are you anyway," the man asked, as the obvi...

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