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Gimmie Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bear & the bartender.

A bear walks into a bar. "Gimmie a beer," he says to the bartender. The bartender says "No can do. No beers for bears, that's the rules!"

Bear gets upset, says "Look, man, had a long day, gimmie a beer." The bartender says "No can do Smokey, we don't serve beers to bears. See right here?" He...

Bill and Steve walk out of a bar after having a few drinks together...

Around the corner, a masked man steps from an alley and points a gun at them. "Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!"

Bill says, "Hold on! Just gimmie 10 seconds!" He turns to Steve and says, "Here's that $100 I owe you, man."

The Terminator T-100 walks into a bar and says,

"Gimmie a screwdriver! I need to loosen up."

What did the bully say to Nasa?

Gimmie (all) your launch money

A pair of obviously wasted jumper cables walks into a bar

and says to the bartender "gimmie a drink buddy."
The bartender looks him up and down and says, "alright, I will give you one drink. But you better not start something!"

Guy comes into my bar and wants any beer but a stinkin Budweiser.

So I pour him a Coors light.
He slams it down and says
"Hey barkeep! Gimmie another beer, as long as it ain't one of them stinkin Budweisers!"
So I pour him a Lone Star and he slams it back like the previous pint. "Hey barkeep! Gimmie another beer, as long as it ain't one of those stinkin...

A human head is carried into a bar...

“Hey I’ve never tried a beer before I think I’ll have that!” So he drinks the beer then POOF! He has a neck. “Wow this is great gimmie another one!” So he downs the next one and POOF! He has a body. He keeps drinking until he’s a full naked body in the bar. (But at least he has a body.) “You beer ha...

The tale of Big Bad John

This fellow was out looking for work. He sees a sign in a bar window that says "bartender needed-no experience necessary" so he goes in and takes the sign to the bar and begins to ask "Is the position still open...?"
"You're hired." The bartender says and throws his apron at the man and heads for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Brit, the Frenchman, the Gangster and the Tribals

One day, a trio of adventurers are making their way through the Amazon. The group consists of a die-hard Brit, a die-hard Frenchman and a recent addition to the team, a gangster from downtown Chicago. Eventually, the party is caught by a group of tribals and put in a cage. The chief of the tribals a...

A drunk walks into a pet store

. . . and leans heavily on the counter. "Gimmie a shot of Jim Beam," he slurs to the clerk.

"I, I'm sorry, sir," says the clerk, "you must be mistaken. This is a--"

"Goddamnit, I wanna (hic) drink, you can't tell me what mzmblrf kn izzenuf!" shouts the drunk, slamming his fist on the ...

A Pig Walks Into A Bar...

He takes a seat and orders a beer.

After he drinks it, he asks the bartender where the restroom is. "Down the hall to the right," the bartender replies.

The pig uses the restroom and leaves.



A few minutes later another pig comes into the bar and orders two beers.

...

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