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Oops Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oops...

An American businessman is in Thailand. He goes to a bar and meets a beautiful woman. She looks like a lady, walks like a lady, and kisses like a lady.

After a few drinks the lady suggests they go back to her place, and the businessman readily agrees. They drive to her place, she perfectly re...

Oops...

A woman on a bus is suddenly overcome with the urge to break wind. She tries to let go a squeaker but instead lets loose a loud, disgusting blast.

The entire bus goes silent, and the embarrassed woman desperately tries to think of something to say to the man sitting next to her.

"Um .....

I’m giving up drinking, for a month.

*(oops, incorrect punctuation)*

I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.

TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy

Oops, wrong sub

I'm pretty bad at building fences

Oops, wrong place for this post.

I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting

Oops, wrong thread.

AITA for calling my husband “my hoagie” during BDSM roleplay when I was supposed to call him “my hero”?

Oops! Wrong, sub.

What’s the most terrifying word in experimental nuclear physics?

Oops!

(Shameless karma farming on cake day)

1 out of 3 people (Oops)

I read that ONE out of three people in a relationship, were unfaithful.
I'm trying to determine if it's my WIFE or my MISTRESS.

The meaning of the word “oops” is actually highly dependent on context

I learned that when I heard my barber say it and then my brain surgeon later that day

Me: Oops, dropped my phone

Friend: Did it break?

Me: Nah, not in this case

The last thing you want to hear your surgeon say is "oops"

Because if you hear that, it means your anaesthetist has also messed up..

Oops...

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.

Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

The funeral. Oops.

A funeral service was held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carried the casket out, they accidentally bumped into a wall.

They heard a faint moan. They opened the casket and found that the woman was actually alive. So she lives for 10 more years and then dies. At that ti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oops

To guys are sitting on a plane, making small talk. One guy says, “Oh man...I really embarrassed myself earlier.”

Other guy says, “How’s that?”

“Well, I was at the counter to buy a ticket, and the agent had an amazing body. I meant to say, “I’d like a ticket to Pittsburg.” But it cam...

First day of work. Oops . . .

A freshly-graduated college recruit joined a big corporate empire as a trainee. On the very first day of work, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you...

AITA for mixing up orders and serving a vegan customer a meat sandwich?

Oops wrong sub

Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.

Oops sorry. Wrong bus.

I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president

Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted

Oops.... I said that!!!

On the bedside, a couple is having a hypothetical discussion :

Wife: What would you do if i died? Would you get married again?


Husband: No...how can I think of marrying?


Wife: Why not? You would need company, you would have many years to live, so you should get married....

What did the Indian boy say to his mom when he left for school?

Bombay!



Oops, i mean, Mumbai…

Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.

Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

This is an EA joke

Oops, I rushed it and left out the good part.

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

Pronounced 'Dead' on arrival ... oops!

The soon to be new parents known as Mr. & Mrs. D. were so excited, as they were just about to give birth to their brand new daughter, whom they'd already decided to name Dea D..

Just a few minutes later, a healthy baby girl popped out but was unfortunately pronounced 'Dead' on arrival by...

TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine.

oops wrong sub.

I keep getting told I'm a terrible mailman..

Oops I've posted this in the wrong place

My son asked if he could have the last slice of cake in the fridge.

I said sure, but he’d probably be more comfortable eating it in the dining room.



Oops, cake day repost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oooooh BURN!

Him : Hey, girl ... Wanna hear a joke about my dick ... Oh wait nevermind, it is too long.

(\*looks at his friends thinking he did a solid pick-up line\*)

Her : Let me tell you a joke about my pussy ... Oops nevermind, you won't get it.

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle

Oops, wrong sub.

I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size

Oops, wrong thread

We went to see a movie the other night.

I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, as it feels a little roomier.

Just as the movie was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started making her way out, saying, "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, got to hurry, oops, excuse me."

By the time sh...

I heard the next Fast and Furious movie is going to have these fins on the back of the cars....

...Oops, spoilers.

A slender woman met her friend for brunch. Talk turned to the renovations the friend was doing on her very old home.

The friend complained that, due to the very old carpentry and fixtures in the home, she needed a pair of oversized drill bits but couldn't find them anywhere. The first friend pulled out a pair of huge drill bits from her purse and asked if they would do. The second friend was thrilled and asked whe...

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

I'm the woman who caused the Tour de France crash! AMA!



Oops, gotta run!

TIFU by unraveling my favorite sweater

Oops, wrong thread

TIFU by ordering food from my phone.

So I used the Subway app to order my lunch. I was in a hurry, so no time to wait in line. I put the order together, paid for it, and made my way to pick it up.

When I told the guy my name for the order, he handed it over and thanked me for my business. I went to check the food to make sure h...

A woman is giving birth.

A doctor is delivering a baby. He's telling the mother to push.

"Push!! Push!! I can see the head!"

The mother is straining to get the baby out with all she's got. The baby starts to come out and the doctor continues to yell her her to push.

The baby finally comes out into the d...

The results of the election are in!

Oops, sorry, that info is only for us Russians.

My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.

But oops, I did it again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man's curse

A man was cursed by a wicked witch. He could speak only one word per year, so if he said a word, he had to wait for another year to say another one.

One day, he saw a woman. Beautiful, splendid, sexy, breathtaking!! So he then decided to take the chance of marrying her, so he had to plan what...

So I married way too young...

Oops, she spells it Wei Tu Yung

How do you get 50 old ladies to say the"F" word?

Yell,"BINGO"

How do you get them to say it twice?

Yell,"Oops,Sorry!

I went to a chyropracter today

Oops, I meant a chiropractor. I stand corrected.

Today i made a mistake while sewing.

Oops, wrong thread.

I give up drinking this year

Oops I mean: I give up, drinking this year.

I really want a truck queue this weekend.

Oops, sorry, I meant for that to be a pickup line.

Did you hear that cops are going to start using bodycams when interacting with protesters?

Oops typo. Body*slams*.

A priest, a rabbit and an imam walk into a bar.

The rabbit says “oops, I think I’ve had too much tea.”

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