Oops...

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion.

Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too.

First day of work. Oops . . .

A freshly-graduated college recruit joined a big corporate empire as a trainee. On the very first day of work, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best joke I have heard in a few months... let's see if I can do it justice!

A guy enters a Halloween party just in his pants.

Guy 1: what are you dressed as?
Guy 2: I came as pre mature ejaculation!
Guy 1: okay? Why don't you have a shirt or shoes?
Guy 2: well, I just came in my pants!

The funeral. Oops.

A funeral service was held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carried the casket out, they accidentally bumped into a wall.

They heard a faint moan. They opened the casket and found that the woman was actually alive. So she lives for 10 more years and then dies. At that ti...

TIFU by eating my boss' sandwich and getting fired.

Oops. Wrong sub.

How do you get 50 old ladies to say the"F" word?

Yell,"BINGO"

How do you get them to say it twice?

Yell,"Oops,Sorry!

I'm pretty bad at building fences

Oops, wrong place for this post.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oops

To guys are sitting on a plane, making small talk. One guy says, “Oh man...I really embarrassed myself earlier.”

Other guy says, “How’s that?”

“Well, I was at the counter to buy a ticket, and the agent had an amazing body. I meant to say, “I’d like a ticket to Pittsburg.” But it cam...

Oops.... I said that!!!

On the bedside, a couple is having a hypothetical discussion :

Wife: What would you do if i died? Would you get married again?


Husband: No...how can I think of marrying?


Wife: Why not? You would need company, you would have many years to live, so you should get married....

Two scientists walk into a bar

One says I’ll have “H2O”

The one on the right says “I’ll have H2O too”

The bartender says ok, and hands them their water.

30 seconds later and the scientist fall on the floor

“What happened “ a scientist says
“ oops I gave him H2O2”

I know it’s bad but my scien...

So UPS lost yesterday's Dreamhack trophy...

That's what happens when you call your company "Oops".

Because of my dyslexia, sometimes I get lost when I use public transportation.

Oops sorry. Wrong bus.

Did you hear the one about the boar in the forest?

Oops. Greasy fingers.

What did the solid say when it turned into plasma?

“Oops, I just passed gas”

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

"Oops"

A hydrogen elemental and two water elementals walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "'Water' you doing here?"

This came up in a recent RPG session. It's terrible, but I loved it too much not to post.

TIFU by installing my fence on my neighbors property

Oops, wrong place for this post.

I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting

Oops, wrong thread.

TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy

Oops, wrong sub

Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes,...

My first day as a dominatrix I walked into another dom's chambers

Oops, wrong sub.

So i was watching an anime last night and all the captions were in spanish

oops wrong sub

A man is recovering from surgery.

A man is recovering from a minor surgery when a nurse comes in to check on him.

“How are you feeling?” she asks.

“I’m okay,” he says, “but I didn’t like the four-letter word the doctor used during surgery.”

“What did he say?” the nurse asks.

“Oops.”

I wrote a review for the Fast and Furious movies...

Ok so all of the cars have this little fin on the back and...

Oops, I forgot to warn people, this contains spoilers.

This is an EA joke

Oops, I rushed it and left out the good part.

I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president

Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted

TIFU by accidentally ramming my toe against a cigarette urn while trying to throw my cigarette away.

Oops, wrong stub.

I am a big fan of Sarah Palin.

Oops, I meant Parasailin'. All these dyslexic jokes are confusing me.

TIFU by ordering food from my phone.

So I used the Subway app to order my lunch. I was in a hurry, so no time to wait in line. I put the order together, paid for it, and made my way to pick it up.

When I told the guy my name for the order, he handed it over and thanked me for my business. I went to check the food to make sure h...

I keep getting told I'm a terrible mailman..

Oops I've posted this in the wrong place

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle

Oops, wrong sub.

Why do they call it PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

(Oops, sorry ladies!)

I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size

Oops, wrong thread

What is the most important part of comedy? The Timing.

... Oops

What is sperm made of?

MBBS Professor:
The Sperm is made up of Fructose , the same material Sugar is made of.

A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"

Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops!

Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats beca...

My dad text me saying, "Don't try to be someone you're not."

It hurt when he added, "Oops, forgot the comma after 'someone'."

Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.

Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

A bar walks into a physicist......

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

Knock Knock

* Knock knock
* Who's there?
* Britney
* Britney who?
* Knock knock
* Who's there?
* Britney
* Britney who?
* Oops, I did it again.

im giving up alcohol for a month

Oops, I meant "I'm giving up; alcohol for a month!"

What instrument to introverts like the most?

Double basses, because they're very low-key.

A seamstress accidentally pulls a string and unravels her life's work...

Oops, wrong thread.

People call me the most disoriented U-boat captain of the 20th century...

Oops wrong sub.

So there's this cheerio who works at Burger King...

And he's a fantastic employee. He constantly washes tables and takes orders without complaints.

Every month, the Burger King Corporation throws a cheerio employee of the month party. It's always been Honey Nut's dream to go, but Fruity always gets to go. Every. Damn. Month. But not this mont...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

United Airlines one-liners

Hilarious Compilation of Twitterati responses on the United Airlines Fiasco #NewUnitedAirlinesMottos
"United Airlines: Not enough seating, prepare for a beating."

"We have Red Eye and Black Eye flights available!"

"You can't beat our prices! But we can sure beat our passengers!"...

TIFU by accidentally giving my vegetarian girlfriend my Italian Sandwich from quizno's instead of her Veggie Delight Sandwich.

Oops wrong sub.

TIL that the U.S. almost declared war against Russia by thinking that an allied underwater warship on their radar belonged to Russia...

Oops...wrong sub

Today i made a mistake while sewing.

Oops, wrong thread.

There was a murder last night...

The victim had been brutally mutilated, missing the entire right side of his body.

When the police finally arrived at the scene, they were only able to find what was left of him.

(didn't think this was enough to constitute a NSFW tag, if so oops)

Bread lovers of Reddit, how do you tell your "Sandwich Artist" that they got your order wrong?

Oops, wrong sub

So I married way too young...

Oops, she spells it Wei Tu Yung

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman gets pulled over for speeding..

The cop says, do you know why I pulled you over? You were speeding! She replies.. oh thank god! I thought it was for the drugs, guns and dead bodies in my trunk... oops. The cop, surprised, immediately calls for backup and dogs and swat.. the whole 9 yards. After about an hour of searching and discu...

Three men walk in to a bar. One of them is wearing a hat

Oops!

Your current data plan doesnt cover this feature. Click here to upgrade.

A man with a nervous facial twitch is auditioning for a part in a play

Every few seconds his cheek spasms and one eye squints.

The director of the play says "How do you expect me to give you a part if you keep doing that?"

The man replies "I actually have a medication for it, please wait one moment while I take it." He reaches into his right pocket and pu...

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my girlfriend at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the exact same leather mask.

Oops sorry, wrong sub.

I went to a chyropracter today

Oops, I meant a chiropractor. I stand corrected.

Knock Knock. Christmas. Who's there?

Oops, looks like Christmas came early this year.

What did Britney Spears say when she got a letter from the IRS?

"Oops, audited again"

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