Outa Jokes

He was outa sight!!

The string gets sloppy drunk, barfs all over the bar, so the bar tender kicks him out. "You're banned!"

The next night, the string wants to get back in, so he ties a not near one end and frazzles up the fibers sticking out, then walks into the bar.

The bartender yells "Aren't you that ... read more

Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell’s,
“AU! Get outa here!”

Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
“Sorry we don’t serve noble gases here”
Helium doesn’t react

They really scared the Shiite outa me!

...when he saw a big rock by the side of the road, wobbling. Being a strong hippie, he picked up the rock to see what was underneath.
To his surprise, out jumped a leprechaun!

"To be sure, I am grateful to ye, lad!" he cried. "And in return for your kindness I will grant you three magic ... read more

Mario and Luigi, two Italians recently out of jail, see each other at a bar. "Luigi! You friggin guy! how are ya, i heard you just got outa jail," Mario drunkenly exclaimed. "Yeahs, i was ina the jail for robbery, how about you Mario?" slurred Luigi. "well," began mario, shaking his head sadly "i ... read more

The dentist said "You've got a really badly infected tooth that I'm going to have to pull. I'll give you a shot and when you're numb I'll pull the tooth."

The mountain man replied "Don't worry about the shot, I can take the pain. Just pull it outa there."

So the dentist dug and tugge... read more

Two Irish farmhands, Mick and Paddy, got a holiday so they decided to go to Dublin. Lacking a vehicle they had no choice but to walk so down the road they went. Well, wouldn't ya know, after only a short while, Paddy stepped in a hole and sprained his ankle.

"Its too bad," says Mick. "Never m... read more

Old fighter pilot goes to his great-grandchild's 7th grade class to talk about his experiences. He tells the class, "I remember one time, me and my squadron was comin' back from escortin' some B-17 and we're almost over the Channel, when one a dem Fokkers come out of a cloud..." A few kids chuckle ... read more

The C.E.O tells the ladies she is leaving for the day and for them to watch things/do her work while she is out. When the C.E.O. leaves, the Redhead says, "Man this is the 3rd time this week she's done this to us!"
The Brunette starts to gather her things and replies: "that's it, I'm outa here." ... read more

So there is a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded.
(Let’s call him father Otis)
when there is a couple of inches of water on the ground a guy on a surfboard comes along and says in a think Mexican accent "father Otis I get you to safety just hop on my board and I take... read more