"Ouch!"

A time traveler walks into a bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ouch!

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED".

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautione...

A blond goes to the doctors and explains ‘everywhere on my body hurts real bad’ . So the doc says ‘please show me where’. So she’s touches her elbow , ouch ! Touches her knee , oh it hurts , touches her nose , oh my that hurts !

The doctor reply’s , no wonder you are blond .. your finger is broken !!

Ouch

I broke my finger last week...

on the other hand, I'm okay.

Golfing and leprechauns.

One day a man was playing golf in Ireland and he sliced his drive and the ball went over to the side of the course and he heard an "ouch". The man looked over to investigate and saw that it was a leprechaun that he had hit with his ball.

"Oh I'm so sorry" said the man helping the leprechaun b...

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lie Detecting Robot for Sale!

A father buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. When his son arrives home, he asks him what he did today.

"I did my homework right after school at the library." says the son. The robot promptly slaps him.

"Ouch!" said ...

A priest, rabbi and a monk walk into a bar.

"Ouch" they said.

credit u/trueblue862

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not so much a Joke but a Burn from my kids

Dad: I like to do things Old School because its better

Kids: Dad, you are so old, you are the Principal of the Old School

Dad: Ouch....

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?

OUCH! MY-TOE-SIS!

A Man Walked into a Bar

A man walked into a bar. He immediately fell over and exclaimed "ouch, my head!"




































It was an iron bar.

Ouch, that smarts

Confucius say, man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”

He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”

I just lost 20% of my couch

Ouch.

Ouch

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch

Ouch

A wife his her husband with a rolling pin

A wife hits her Husband with a rolling pin, the husband says “ouch! What was that for?”

The wife then tells him “I found a piece of paper with the name Jenny on it”

The husband then tells her that Jenny was the name of the horse he put a bet on last week.

The wife apologises to ...

My cake day, my favorite joke

A man walk into a bar.



OUCH!

A man walks into a bar. He says, “Ouch!”

“What the hell, man?” the man shouts. “This is the third time this week I’ve walked into this damn bar!”

A woman passing by takes pity and pats him on the shoulder. “Of course you did, dear - this is Reddit.”

“...Someone really should have warned you about the re-posts.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Tower

John, Mac and Randy decided to join a sex competition.

"All you have to do", Said the Commentator sitting at the top of a 10 story building, "is have sex with all the girls in each floor whoever gets to the biggest number, wins the prize . "

John, the skinniest of all, decides to go...

Ouch!

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhea...d took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee...

a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. "ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?" said the girl. "no, we cant" the guy replied. "why?"

"it's Haram, Bae"

I¨ve lost 20% of my couch

ouch

Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public.

He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss??

"Ouch!"

80% of my couch fell on my foot today.

...ouch.

A politician, a farmer, and a doctor walk into a bar.

They all exclaim, "Ouch! Who put a bar here?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ouch

Bill has worked in a deli for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns h...

Not mine!

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.

He asks the shopkeeper,

"Does your dog bite?"

The shopkeeper says,

"No, my dog does not bite."

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.

"Ouch!"

He says, "I thought you said your dog do...

A brother cell and sister cell are walking down the street...

The sister cell accidentally steps on the brothers toe.

The brother cell says:
"Ouch! you stepped on Mitosis!"

A girl walks into the confession stand in a church...

...ouch !

What did Adam say to Eve the first time he saw her?

... Ouch (rubbing his side)

Two atoms are walking back home together...

One of the atom stumbles and falls

Atom: ouch, I think I just lost an electron.

Atom 2: are you sure?

Atom: I'm positive.

A bride gets drunk at her reception and wakes up with a hangover, unable to remember anything she did at the reception. She asks her maid of honor what happened.

"Your groom and I got drunk and started dancing together," says the maid of honor. "Then you got drunk, and the alcohol must have made you so aggressive that when you saw us dancing, you kicked him in the balls."

"Ouch!" says the bride. "That must have hurt."

"It sure did!" says the ma...

A blonde visits her doctor for pain all over

The doctor asks her to explain what is happening. The blonde responds with, “It hurts everywhere I poke myself!” The blonde proceeds to poke herself on her arm, “ouch!” Her leg, “ouch!” She proceeds to poke herself everywhere followed by a loudly proclaimed, “ouch.”

The doctor grabs her wris...

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