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Ouch Jokes

101 lemmings walk into a bar

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

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Ouch.

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O...

*Ouch!!* *Zut alors!!*

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ouch!

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was "OCCUPIED".

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautione...

"Ouch!"

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch

Ouch

I¨ve lost 20% of my couch

ouch

Ouch!

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhea...d took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee...

Ouch

I broke my finger last week...

on the other hand, I'm okay.

Ouch

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest takes the bus

After a while, a drunkard sits next to him. The drunkard pulls out a newspaper, starts to read and turns to the priest.


Drunkard: "Excuse me father. What's spondylosis ?"

Priest: "Spondylosis is a disease caused by a messy lifestyle, the company of women with a questionable past, c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ouch

Bill has worked in a deli for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns h...

Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public.

He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.

Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:

"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?

When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...

When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...

When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...

When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"

The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

A man walks into a bar. He says, “Ouch!”

“What the hell, man?” the man shouts. “This is the third time this week I’ve walked into this damn bar!”

A woman passing by takes pity and pats him on the shoulder. “Of course you did, dear - this is Reddit.”

“...Someone really should have warned you about the re-posts.”

What did the first man to throw a boomerang say?

“ouch!”

I got the word “Ouch” tattooed on the back of my foot yesterday. My dad asked me if it still hurts.

I told him yes, but it’ll heel.

A blonde goes into the doctor's office

"What's wrong?," asks the doctor.

"Something serious," she answered. "I hurt all over."

"Show me"

The blond patient puts her finger against her thigh. "Ouch, it hurts here." She places her finger on the middle of her foot indicating pain."Ouch! and here." She moves her finger to...

A brunette goes to the doctor

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts."
He asks "What do you mean?"
So she showed him what she meant. She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "You're rea...

80% of my couch fell on my foot today.

...ouch.

A blonde visits her doctor for pain all over

The doctor asks her to explain what is happening. The blonde responds with, “It hurts everywhere I poke myself!” The blonde proceeds to poke herself on her arm, “ouch!” Her leg, “ouch!” She proceeds to poke herself everywhere followed by a loudly proclaimed, “ouch.”

The doctor grabs her wris...

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