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Sucks Jokes

Working at home sucks...

....if you’re a firefighter.

This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men

We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing

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Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

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Sucks to be this guy...

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can't please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn't found a lady yet who likes it and he can't get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods...

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Being constipated sucks

Worst part is you can't do shit about it

Life sucks, work sucks...

Wife doesn't.

If I had a quarter for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

What do you call a lotion that sucks at its job?

A DissapOINTMENT. Plz laugh

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Getting old sucks

A 60 year old, a 70 year old man and an 80 year old man are arguing about age, the 60 year old goes "man being 60 sucks, I chug water all day long, but I can't take a decent piss when I stand at the toilet no matter how hard I try." The 70 year man says "that's nothing, I eat Laxatives by the hand...

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Being fat and single sucks

My clothes have more X's than porn URL's

what's the difference between a job and a wife after six years?

A job still sucks

You know what sucks?

Negative Pressure

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

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my school life sucks.

my teachers are awful and give too much homework, they’re also so mean to anyone who tries to ask a question, and are always taking extra time just to pick on me, just being total jerks.

my classmates are equally bad, being big bullies to anyone they see, always stealing my work, tapping thei...

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Hotdog sucks

Al and Bob, two drunkards with no money came up with an idea to get drunk. Al says “Let’s go to the bar and order couple shots and as soon as we get our shots we slam them. I’ll unzip my pants and hold this hotdog, then you jump on your knees and start sucking on it. When the bartender sees us he’ll...

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Life sucks.

That's probably why most people choose to be dicks...

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What do you call it when a woman sucks on the balls of a crazy person?

A nut job

What sucks but doesn’t suck at the same time

A broken vacuum cleaner

A man walks into a bar.

He sucks at limbo.

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I bought a car after reading a review that said, "This car sucks dick."

I was diassapointed to find out it doesn't

The only thing my wife sucks

Is the fun out of everything

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I've got a conspiracy that NASCAR fucking sucks...

It's my critical race theory.

I wish I could be ugly for one day.

Being ugly every day sucks.

What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life ?

Answer:
1. Life sucks
2. Job sucks
3. Wife doesn't

Third wheeling with a toxic couple SUCKS.

Btw.. I'm with my parents right now..

When you wake up and think life sucks.

But at least my name is not North Kardashian West

What has 7 arms and sucks?

Def leppard

A Sesame Street treat...[this joke sucks]

"Ernie, do you want some ice cream?"

"Sherbert."

What can you do if every single day sucks?

Marry those days and I guarantee the sucking will stop.

Man: "Aww geez, my life sucks!"

Narrator in Hiroshima: *It was about to get a whole lot worse*

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Pornhub Premium sucks

Ever since I got it there are no 40 years old milfs in my area looking to fuck.

You know cancer sucks at first...

But it grows on you over time.

Losing game pieces sucks...

Especially when it's hide and seek...

I'll never forget you, Brian..

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What's a blonde do to a cock before she sucks it?

Plucks the feathers.

People always told me I would suck at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

Well I've made two vases and a jug today, so who sucks now!

My fan sucks

Why won't it blow?

Being self employed sucks

My boss is always threatening to kill me

It sucks being a grown up.

Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.

My umbrella broke in half today, which sucks

But it's OK, because the weatherman said there's only a 50% chance of rain.

Sucks how every girl I'm interested in is either taken

or has good taste in men

Getting old sucks.

The only safe place to cough is when you are sitting on the toilet.

It sucks having to stay away from my girlfriend.

Not because of social distancing, she has a restraining order on me.

Little Johnny strikes again



### Teacher: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?

### Little Johnny: None.

### Teacher: Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?

### Little Johnny: None!

### Teacher: Can you explain...

My sister said the song, “Sweet Home Alabama” sucks.

So I told her it sucks better than she ever could.

This covid19 sucks

Covid 20 will be less buggy I reckon

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You know what sucks the most about being a democrat in a republican household?

If you try to address the Elephants in the room, you end up making an ass of yourself

Being dyslexic sucks during Christmas.

My letters to Satan never get answered.

Velcro sucks!

It’s such a rip off

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were talking about how horrible their lives are...

The cucumber says, "my life sucks. I get left in the garden until I'm huge. Then cut into pieces and put in a salad." The pickle says, "That's nothing! I get to sit in a jar with vinegar till I get swollen. Then I get eaten." The penis laughs and says, " When I get huge, they throw a bag over my hea...

My girlfriend's cellphone service sucks!

Eight days ago when she said, "We're breaking up," the call ended, and it's
gone straight to voicemail ever since.

My Dog Sucks

I hate walking my legless dog.



It's such a drag.

Being Bipolar sucks...

I love it

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It sucks to be a dick

You have a head you cant turn, an eye you cant see out of, you always get a stiff neck, your roommates are nuts, your best friends a pussy and your closest neighbor is a real asshole

Why working in the mine sucks?

Because even when you die, you only rest for 3 days before being back underground.

Dave's life sucks

So Dave is having a bad year, lost his wife house and job. It's been months and nothing is going right. A broken man he kneels to pray, "god please I don't ask for much but please I need to win the lottery". The lottery numbers are drawn and he is crestfallen so he tries again, "please God I can...

I know it sucks but at least i tried

My ex worked at a delivery company but working made her hungry, so i got groceries and *Fed ex*

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