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Gander Jokes

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I man had a girlfriend named Wendy...

...he decided to get a tattoo of her name on his penis. When erect, it read "Wendy", and when flaccid, all you saw was "W" and "Y".

Out for dinner one day, he excused himself to the bathroom and went to the urinal, next to him was a Jamaican man. The man took a gander at the Jamaican's membe...

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A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper.

When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the ...

Why does everyone listen to the well dressed goose?

He's a proper gander.
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What did the goose thief say to the pet shop owner?

“I’m just taking a gander.”

A little boy was on the school bus after a day at school.

He was driving the bus driver driver crazy by talking about what he had learned about animals in class in a very loud and annoying voice, "If my dad was a bull and my mom was a cow, I'd be a calf! If my dad was a rooster and my mom was a hen, I'd be a little chick! If my dad was a gander and my mom ...

Don't believe everything you hear.

I went to the goose store the other day and asked if they had any deals. He said he wasn't sure but to feel free to take a gander. And now here I am, in jail, with my "shoplifted goose".

I can never tell male and female geese apart.

I'm confused about my gander identity.

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What do you call a goose that is unhappy with its sexuality?

Trans gander

Train passes a flock of sheep

Passenger says to his friend, “wonder how many sheep there are.”

His friend takes a quick gander, shrugs, and remarks, “Looks like 82.”

“What? How do you know that??”

“Easy. I counted their legs and divided by 4.”

I have some racing geese for sale.

Let me know if you want to take a quick gander?

While browsing the poultry market, the clerk asked me if I would like try some goose...

...I told him no thanks, I was just gonna take a gander.

I use geese to spread the right political messages

It's a proper gander

I heard someone in my town was giving away waterfowl...

So I stopped by to take a gander.

What's the difference between...

What's the difference between the Government telling you to look at something; and an Australian.

One is propaganda

The other is a proper gander


(Use your internal Australian accent)

I’ve been looking to get rid of some male geese.

Would you like to take a gander?

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

Just like his father, Kim Jong Un takes a binocular wherever he goes.

For proper gander purposes.

A Scotsman was competing in the highland games...

Carothers had a few pints after the caber toss and wanted to take a nap before all the dancing started. So he headed out to the woods and found a nice meadow to take a wee snooze.

Two young and beautiful lasses were picking flowers in the meadow when they stumbled upon him. Being curious on...

Theodore was feeding geese when his friend David walked by

Say there, Theodore, what are you doing?"

"Why, I'm feeding these here geese, David."

"I can see that, but why do you keep staring at the bread crumbs?"

"Well, David, what's good for a goose is good for a gander."

Air tragedy in Newfoundland...

A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.

Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.

I had a pet goose once.

But it died recently.

It was weird because my friends and I never remembered if it was a boy or a girl.

We got into a big argument about it and eventually one of my friends decided to go dig up its corpse.

And all I had to say to that was, "Did you just exhume my gander?"

An Irishman finds a magic lamp...

... He picks it up, gives it a rub, and out comes a genie.
"Master! you have freed me from the lamp! I will grant you three wishes!"
"Wow, three? Okay, let me think for a moment."
After a short period of deliberation, the Irishman had finally come up with something.
"I would like to have...

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A four hour flight...

An airplane took of from Gander, Newfoundland heading for Toronto, a four hour flight. After about twenty minutes in the air there was an announcement on the P.A. system: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain. We have just lost power on our number one engine, but there is no reason to be alarme...

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Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

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