UPJOKE
oxygenmethanehydrogengasolinenitrogenpetrolliquidneonfuelcarbon dioxideairplasmanoble gastemperaturepressure

I would tell you a joke about noble gases

But all the good jokes argon

Two noble gases walk into a bar

They order 2 drinks.

The bartender said " we don't serve noble gases here".

They have no reaction.

What is a WLAN cable?

78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.038% carbon dioxide, and trace amounts of other gases.

Why did no one in the kings court laugh when the king farted?

Because noble gases don’t cause a reaction

What do you call someone who takes pictures of gases as they're released?

A fartographer

What did the inert gases do when they discovered they were mono-atomic?

They won a noble prize

Helium Walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says sorry we don,t server noble gases here

He Doesnt React

My mum says I don't know anything about colourless gases.

But ammonia little boy.

What do Noble gases and I have in common?

I cant attract anything either

What kind of container is appropriate for noble gases?

An innertube.

A scientist tried to recreate the Chernobyl disaster using only transparent gases

It was a new, clear reaction.

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

When You Have An Optimistic View On What You're Smelling, You're Smelling...

Rose tinted gases.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt...

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

I fell in love with an amazing man

When he proposed I decided to make a huge sacrifice: I gave up on my favourite food, beans.

A few months later, on my birthday, my car broke down. Called him to let him know I was coming later. Suddenly I smelled baked beans from a nearby restaurant and couldn't help myself. I figured I'd hav...

Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas..

They're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.

She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they al...

A group of farming mathmeticians in the Midwest are doing well for themselves

These farmers use their mathmatical expertise to best know how to plot their lands, when to start planting or harvesting, and overall how to have a good yield.

Recently, the state has been pushing for a ban on diesel-engine tractors due to their heavy usage on non-renewable resources and how...

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A young man was having dinner with his girlfriend's family

and he wanted to make a good impression, but unfortunately he had diarrhea and gases that day. His stomach was aching with the gases, but he tried to maintain it. Despite his heroic efforts a small fart leaks out. "Rocky!" the mother scolds. Looking down the young man sees the family dog cower near ...

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The small magical pig and the 3 wishes

There was once a little-bitty magical pig and it was very lonely. It had never met other animals or humans.

One day it going through a large forest and met a rabbit and a bear that was up and fight!
The pig ran howling over to them:
- "Stop !!!! I can not fight! You are the firs...

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

Science Jokes

A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve viruses in this bar."
The virus replaces the bartender and says, "Now we do."


An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases in this bar."
The infectious disease says, "wel...

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A man walks into a clinic...

A man walks into a clinic and says to the doctor:

– Doc, you see, I have this problem of excess of gases all they long. One million farts a day. They don't have any smell and they are totally silent but it is very inconvenient having to fart all they long.

The doctor says: – OK, take t...

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The danger of eating Chili

I went grocery shopping this weekend, which in
hindsight may not have been very wise.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to shit yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful,which ...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day...

A scientist is dining with a duke one day, talking of chemistry and such. All is going well until the duke rings a bell and demands a test tube from his butler, who brings it to him forthwith. The duke sticks it in his pants, lets loose a thunderous fart, then caps the tube and hands it to the shock...

How many states of matter are there?

5: solids, liquids, gases, plasma, and black lives

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