So A Cop Is Checking for Speeders

So there’s a cop that’s checking for speeders on the highway. After a while, he sees a car going way to slow on the highway and the cop decides to pull the car over.

When he goes up to the car’s window he finds a little old lady sitting behind the wheel and two other elderly women in the back...

A frazzled looking doe stumbles out of the woods at night

And thinks to herself "I'm never doing that for two bucks again".

So a man was walking up to the ice rink during the Winter Olympics...

wanting to get a closer look at the ice skaters. He ends up slipping onto the rink, and he starts to catch himself as he is falling. Yet, somehow to his amazement he keeps a running fall up, and ends up spinning to the middle of the ice rink. He is slightly frazzled, having almost face planted on th...

An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"

An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"What about some peanuts?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's...

A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes." The rope goes into the bathroom, tangles himself up and frazzles his ends. He walks up to the bartender who says, "Aren't you that rope that was just in here?"

And he says, "Sorry, I'm a frayed knot."

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Who's the boss of the body?

One day, certain parts of the body got into an argument over who was in charge. The eyes said "well, we're in charge because without us, the body wouldn't be able to interact with the world."

"Are you kidding??" Said the legs. "Without us, you eyes would have nothing to see except a ceiling. ...

A man and a woman were driving on their way to their wedding when they got in an accident and were both killed instantly.

Now they're both up at the pearly gates, and they say to St. Peter, "We were just about to get married, do you think we can have our wedding in heaven?" St. Peter says, "I don't know, wait here and I'll go find a priest and ask him." So the couple is sitting there on a bench, waiting and waiting for...

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A Panda Walks into a Bar

The Bartender is a little confused but hands the Panda a Menu.

The Panda points to a side of celery sticks, which the bartender quickly gives to him.

After a few moments of chomping loudly on the celery sticks, the panda abruptly gets up out of his chair, pulls out a gun, and fires s...

Right before the pandemic I was visiting Las Vegas.

Walking out of a casino one night, a frazzled looking dude comes up to me and commences with a sob story.

“Hey Mr. sorry to bother you but my wife and kids are in our hotel room, and I’ve got no money for food or gas for us to get out of town and go home. Any chance you could spare 50 bucks...

Dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

She says - God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.
He asks her - why did you say that?
I don't know, I just felt like saying it.
The next day, grandpa drops dead. Wow, thinks dad, that's an odd coincidence.
A month later at bedtime, the d...

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Rosy and Sunday school

Rosy goes to Sunday school every week, but falls asleep every class!

One day, to “inadvertently” call her out on it, the teacher calls on Rosy and asks this question:

“Who created the universe as we know it to be?”

At this point, to just have a laugh, Rosy’s friend, Adam, sittin...

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Legendary Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray gets pulled over for going about 90 on the way to the ballpark ... (long)

He thinks his reputation will spare him from a ticket, but it's clear the cop is serious when he asks for Caray's license and registration. Harry, probably already three sheets to the wind, replies, "You know officer, I would give you that, but this is a stolen car." The cop is a bit taken aback and...

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Must have been the Irish orchestra.

For Bruce Shackett

A prominent orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. At one point in the final movement of the symphony, there is a long stretch--over 20 minutes--where the bass violins don't play a note. So, rather than just sit there, the section leader suggested that they sn...

City Scammer

A scam artist from the city needs to lay low for a while an goes to a faraway village where nobody knows him.



He thinks to himself: "These people are probably not as smart as the city folk and I could probably get away with a few scams. It'll be easy pickings."



He goes ...

I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

A thirsty piece of string walks into a bar...

And he orders a drink. The bartender asks “Are you string? We don’t serve your kind here.”

Defeated the string walks outside only to be hit by a bus and dragged down the street and a rough trip around the block.

Beaten, frazzled, and nearly torn in twain the string walks back into the ...

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A blonde and her guide returned from an overnight hike

The blonde went straight to the hotel bar and ordered a stiff drink.

"You look frazzled," the bartender said. "Tough time on the hike?"

"TERRIBLE," she said after downing the drink. "The walking was hard, the weather was bad, and my guide almost died!"

"Really? What happened?" <...

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