What did the scary old lady say when she found a gold cauldron?

I’m gonna be witch.

A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.

"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

What do you call a cauldron being hanged far up a tree?

High pot noose.

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A sinner dies and goes to Hell...

He is greeted by the Devil who says "You've got an eternity of suffering ahead of you to pay for your sins; but I'm in a good mood today, so I'll let you choose your punishment. Come along."

They walk down a path between the pits. In the first pit, sinners are being slowly roasted on a giant ...

Why can't Harry potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

A gamer dies and goes to hell...

After one week, the devil goes to God:

\- God?! What crazy person have you send me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, running like crazy everywhere and yelling: "Where is the exit to LEVEL 2!!!"

What is witches slang for a creampie?

The leaky cauldron

An Evil Witch kidnaps some boys...

During a nightly raid of a local village, an evil witch makes away with a few young boys she will use for her potions (hocus pocus style)

Upon arriving back at her witch den, she proceeds to cage up the terrified young boys, and begins brewing her evil potion according to her recipe.

F...

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St. Peter, looking for operational efficiencies, visits hell for a tour.

Satan takes him to an area with three massive cauldrons.

At the first, heavily guarded cauldron, St Peter asks, “Why so many guards”? Satan says, “This is where we boil the Germans. They are very good at helping each other to escape, so it needs a lot of attention.”

At the next, spars...

Three punishments in hell

John after death was led to hell. The devil announced that they would lead the sinner to see three different punishments and had to choose one. The first room, the criminal was tortured in an oil cauldron. The second room, the sinner was burned on a blazing fire. Too scared, he asked to go to the la...

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“This is good!”

Once there was a king. His best friend was a commoner, a man who was the son of one of the royal housekeepers. They were of an age, and had grown up playing together in the palace gardens.

As they grew older, the king found himself more and more impressed with his friend’s ability to always ...

So the dude dies and gets to the Heaven's Gate...

... where St. Peter tells him that he didn't do anything particularly good or bad in life, so he actually gets to choose whether he goes to Hell or Heaven. He's even kind enough to offer him a tour to both places, so he has a better idea.

So first, he starts with Heaven. Which is really nice...

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A hungry man approaches a Grammar Nazi cannibal.

"Whatcha making in that cauldron?"

"You mean *which* Jamaican."

Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...

Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other ...

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Corey was feeling very cold during his entire life.

One day he died and went to Heaven. Meeting St. Peter at the Heaven’s Gate Corey asks him.

\- St Peter, I was freezing all of my life and was dreaming about how warm it would be in Hell if I could get there. Can you please send me to Hell so I would get some warm?

\- You’ve spent quite...

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What did Hermione do when she was horny?

Cauldron

A man died in an accident when working at the brewery.

When the police arrived at his home to inform his wife, she asked how it happened. "Well, madam, I'm sorry to say he fell into one of the beer cauldrons and drowned," said the officer. In tears, the wife asked the officer, "Please, at least tell me it was a quick death". "Unfortunately not," the off...

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Three explorers are on a remote island...

...and are captured by a tribe of natives.

The chief walks up and says, "I've got bad news for you, guys. We're cannibals, so you're all going to be dinner tonight." He points to a huge cauldron of boiling water.

The explorers are horrified, and start begging for their lives.

"I...

Nationalities in hell

A man is being given a grand tour of hell. In huge cauldrons different nationalties- Frenchmen, Swedes, Russians, Brits, Italians, Czechs, Scots, etc.- are being boiled in oil, guarded by a cordon of fork-wiedling devils.
The visitor asks the guide: "Why has that cauldron been left unguarded?"...

Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his best friend and his cooking pot

They're both cauldron

---

[Please give some credit to the original](https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/4b0cut/harry_potter_cant_tell_the_difference_between_his/)

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A man dies and goes to hell...

and Satan is there to greet him and give him the tour.

The man notices a great big bubbling cauldron surrounded by demons fighting, kicking, punching, and stabbing frantically at the occupants. The man turns to Satan and asks, "who's in that cauldron?"

Satan replies, "oh, that one's f...

My friend has a job where he fixes lights

and the other week he was in an Indian restaraunt fixing some, and they were using these huge cauldrons to cook their food.

As he was attaching one of the lights he fell into one of thsee "cauldrons" and he was extremely injured, terribly unlucky.

Today I rang the hospital to see how h...

An Anecdote from Central Asia

Nasreddin Hodja, a man known for his sharp wit [and constant trolling of everyone around him], had borrowed a cauldron from his neighbor. When he didn't return it for a long time, the neighbor came knocking on the door.

"Hodja Effendi, if you are finished with the cauldron could I take it bac...

Two missionaries...

Were in a foreign country, when their captured by a group of cannibal. So the cannibals put the missionaries in a big cauldron filled with water over a fire to boil. The two missionaries are sitting in the cauldron when one of them bursts out laughing. The other one looks at him and says " look, we'...

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