Fitted sheets were originally invented in 1682 in Salem, MA.

Unfortunately, they didn't catch on at that time since anyone who could actually fold them was accused of witchcraft and subsequently burned at the stake.

I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, £2.50."

I thought “Why would anyone pay to see that?”

One thing at a time.

Once upon a time, a little old lady went to the doctor.

She said, "Doc, I don't know what's wrong, but I've had an constant problem with flatulence for weeks now. It's not much inconvenience, because they're quiet, and they don't stink, but I've farted 4 times just while I explained this to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Playgrounds in the UK have been fitted with advanced paedophile detection systems to help protect children

The company behind the technology has called it NonceSense™

Am elderly gentleman with hearing problems goes to the doctor and gets fitted with hearing aids.

After a month he goes back for a checkup and the doctor asks him how things are going now that he can hear everything and if his friends and family have said anything.

The gentleman replied, "I haven't told anyone yet I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will f...

A good case for shoes

What's the difference between a linen store, and a nudist with diarrhea?
One has fitted sheets...

My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week.

We buried him with a heavy heart.

When the doctor told me he had fitted a thermostat instead of a pacemaker, I was livid.

Made my blood boil.

Fitted sheets were the original USB plug

You put it on and it’s wrong. You turn it once and it’s still wrong. You turn it back and then it’s right.

I bought this old Russian car from a guy down the street from me... Little did I know it was fitted with a bomb and warning sound.

The explosion was like Lada-bing, Lada-Boom.

I got security cameras fitted outside my house.

Just to convince people that I have stuff worth stealing.

John was shocked when he saw his friend Ben fitted out with a cast on his leg and crutches. He said:

John was shocked when he saw his friend Ben fitted out with a cast on his leg and crutches. He said:

- Hey, Ben! What happened to you? You went abroad, right?

Ben: That was the plan but it didn't push through.

John: But why? What happened?

Ben: They beat me inside the ...

My girlfriend suggested we get soundproof walls fitted in our bedroom.

It will stop the neighbours complaining about our snoring.

My parents just fitted a really noisy stairlift at home.

It drives me up the wall.

Just figured out that ghosts are . . . . .

people who died trying to fold a fitted sheet.

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