A Catholic priest is called away by a family emergency one day, while on duty attending confession. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he asks his friend, a rabbi from the synagogue across the street, if he can fill in for him. The rabbi says he wouldn't know what to do, so the pri...
St. Peter decides he wants a day off from the Pearly Gates, so he asks Jesus to fill in for him.
“Your job is simple,” says St. Peter. “Whenever someone approaches the gates, you ask them about their accomplishments in life. If their answer satisfies you, you let them in to Heaven. If not, they get sent to Hell.” Jesus thinks this sounds simple enough, and he agrees.
Before too long, a m...
I recently hired a temp to fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked her what she expected to earn.
The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is four hundred a week."
I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.
The temp shook her head and replied, "With 'pleasure'...
Teacher : Why did you only fill in all the odd questions in the exam?
Blonde : Because i can't even
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee: _________ (fill in the blank)
Started [**here**](http://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/f88l5/i_just_went_black/c1e1vtu), this seems like something that deserves its own thread.
**Edit**: Ok, apparently [**this was done before**](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f294e/finish_this_sentence_i_like_my_coffe...
What does a pig fill in it's pen?
Fill in the blank: Friends are like_____
mine is "Friends are like trees, if you hit them with an axe they fall over."
The music teacher at the school my niece goes to was out sick 2 days last week. The school had a dog fill in for her.
He was a sub woofer.
Two fill in the blank jokes for your particular rivalry.
1. What's the difference between a girl from _______ and a parrot?
You can teach a parrot to say no.
2. Did you hear that _________ school library burnt down?
They lost both books. One of them hadn't even been colored in yet.
Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England
French Fries Were Not Invented In France.
We Sometimes Take English For Granted
But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:
Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly
Boxing Rings Are Square
And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.
If Writers Write, H...
So there's this village on the Black Sea coast in Turkey
Over time a pothole in the road has got so big that people are falling into it and getting injured.
It get so bad that all the villagers get together to decide what to do about the hole in the road.
One of them says, "We should have an ambulance standing by ready to take people to the ...
My ex-husband was once asked by our pastor to fill in for him one Sunday. He obliged, but then the pastor warned him about a woman named Tootie Greene. Apparently she likes to come into service and antoganize the pastor during his sermon. Ex-husband says OK and comes home to prepare for the follo...
A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman find a magic lamp
A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman are walking on a beach and find a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. He tells them that they each get a single wish.
The Scotsman goes first. “I wish for Scotland to make the finest whisky forever.” The genie granted the wish, and...not mu...
A large sinkhole opens up on a small town road.
Many people fall into it and get hurt and it's difficult to get them all to the hospital.
The mayor gathers the city council to figure out a solution. The smartest city councilor suggests they park an ambulance next to the hole to get people to the hospital faster. The rest unanimously agree....
A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.
One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's mother tongue. He fills with confidence...
One day a horse is watching a music video [Long]
One day a horse is watching a music video and decides that he himself, wants to make a music video.
In preparation, he goes to the phone book and looks up a local music teacher. He calls him up and says
"Hey, I saw that you teach musical instruments, and I really want to ...
Are you circumcised?
A man walks into the Election office in Manchester and says to the Receptionist: "I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an independent candidate".
Receptionist: "Certainly sir, no problem. Please fill in this Form".
He was filling the Form until he ca...
After Quasimodo died, Notre Dame Cathedral needed a replacement bell ringer, and after several fruitless months a strange little man approaches one of the priests...
"I'd like the bell ringer job if it's still available." says the man. Confused, the priest says "Of course, but I'm afraid there might be some confusion. I can't help but notice that you don't have any arms, so ringing the bells would be quite impossible." The little man smiles and says "I come from...
A joke my granddad once told me.
I always loved this one, my granddad told it to me years ago. Still one of my favourites.
An elderly woman wakes one morning and looks out of her bedroom window. Across the road she sees two men from the local council office slowly making their way up the grassy embankment at the side...