mine is "Friends are like trees, if you hit them with an axe they fall over."
Rabbi fill in
A Catholic priest is called away by a family emergency one day, while on duty attending confession. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he asks his friend, a rabbi from the synagogue across the street, if he can fill in for him. The rabbi says he wouldn't know what to do, so the pri...
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee: _________ (fill in the blank)
Started [**here**](http://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/f88l5/i_just_went_black/c1e1vtu), this seems like something that deserves its own thread.
Go.
**Edit**: Ok, apparently [**this was done before**](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f294e/finish_this_sentence_i_like_my_coffe...
why did the deranged man fill in the watering hole?
Because he was mentally unwell.
What does a pig fill in it's pen?
Oink
I'm sorry.
I recently hired a temp to fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked her what she expected to earn.
The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is four hundred a week."
I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.
The temp shook her head and replied, "With 'pleasure'...
Teacher : Why did you only fill in all the odd questions in the exam?
Blonde : Because i can't even
St. Peter decides he wants a day off from the Pearly Gates, so he asks Jesus to fill in for him.
“Your job is simple,” says St. Peter. “Whenever someone approaches the gates, you ask them about their accomplishments in life. If their answer satisfies you, you let them in to Heaven. If not, they get sent to Hell.” Jesus thinks this sounds simple enough, and he agrees.
Before too long, a m...
Two fill in the blank jokes for your particular rivalry.
1. What's the difference between a girl from _______ and a parrot?
You can teach a parrot to say no.
2. Did you hear that _________ school library burnt down?
They lost both books. One of them hadn't even been colored in yet.
"I do not tolerate tardiness," a professor tells his class at the beginning on the semester.
Looking out at the sea of stricken faces in the large lecture hall he continues. "There are 300 of you, and only one of me. I will not allow you to waste my time. If you are late to class, I will count you as absent for the day. If you hand in an assignment late, it will not count towards your grade...
Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England
French Fries Were Not Invented In France.
We Sometimes Take English For Granted
But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:
Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly
Boxing Rings Are Square
And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.
If Writers Write, H...
The music teacher at the school my niece goes to was out sick 2 days last week. The school had a dog fill in for her.
He was a sub woofer.
Tree joke
I had a tree I wanted removed ,because it was to close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ?..He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees, If I wanted th...
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