Fiddles Jokes

He says “A hundred bucks says my octopus can play any instrument you give it!”

One man hands him an acoustic guitar. The octopus fiddles with the strings a bit, then strums out a rendition of Wonderwall.

A woman from the back hands the octopus a trumpet. The octopus fiddles with the va... read more

Unfortunately it turns out that Rembrandt made useless fiddles and Stradivarius couldn't paint worth a cuss.

The husband fiddles with the door but isn’t having any luck.

The wife says “I know! I’ll run inside and see if they have a coat hanger that we can use to Jimmy the lock!”

The husband replies “Great idea! But hurry, because it’s about to rain and the top is down!”

"Give me some", man begs.

"No. You've had too much," wife responds.

"Come on, let me have some," man begs again.

"I'm tired of this. Help yourself. Go ahead, but you know how it always goes", then wife says.

Happily man goes to kitchen, opens refrigerator, and grabs a bot... read more

I asked a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin, seeing that he runs a pawnbrokers shop. "Old fiddles aren't worth much nowadays," he told me.

"What makes it a fiddle, and not a violin?" I asked him.

"Simple," he explained, "If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle. If... read more

The doctor comes back with the results and says "Physically you are both fit as fiddles for your age. However mentally you are both beginning to lose it a bit. My suggestion for now is write things down when you think of them, that way you can keep on top of your to-do's".

So they go home, re... read more

.. He is talking with his wife as his two children sit in the backseat, the daughter fiddles with her phone charger while the son listens in.

"Honey, I don't know what I'm going to say in his eulogy."

"Well, you could make comparisons, say he was as strong as an ox."

"Yeah, that... read more

His choices are a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer.
His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs... read more