Farthest Jokes

" Urine It To Win It "

Two old men decide to have a competition to see who can urinate the farthest.

The first one says, 'Oh no, I've peed on my shoe,' and the second one says,

'Oh no, you've won'.

A woman thinks her husband is going deaf, so she calls the doctor to ask what to do. He tells her to start far away in the house, ask a question, and come closer and closer, asking the question, until he can hear her. So, one day, while he's watching t.v. in the living room, she goes to th farthest ... read more

My children asked me once why I am the way I am. So I told them.

One day, shortly after my first child was born, I came across an old lamp in a bundle of baby clothes. I wiped the lamp off, and a genie appeared and offered me three wishes. "But," the genie added, "your wishes will come with a... read more

discussing whose memory goes back the farthest. Says Larry, “I remember being taken to the church, all dressed up in this scratchy white stuff, and having people standing around and someone splashing water on me.”

“Aww, that’s nothing,” says Irv. “I can remember this nice, dark room, and then... read more

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe... read more

A bishop advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower. The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms. Bishop: "How can you do the job? You can't pull the rope!" Hunchback: "I have a plan - but we have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is." .. So they climb all those stairs to the ... read more

China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest.

Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest.

Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game.

The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.

They were the first roller coas... read more

... and says she will bang whichever of them shows the most athletic or intelligent talent. Since they are equally smart, they decide to go 3/5 on a few different exercises at the gym. The first exercise is chin-ups, which the engineer wins. The second is long jump, which the mathematician wins. The... read more

This meeting was for the U.S. Army to start training and using more types of animals in
combat. He goes to the meeting because they think he can help train the animals. When he gets to the building, he asks the receptionist where the meeting is. She replies that the meeting is on floor 101 and t... read more