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Far Off Jokes

Far off, in a distant land, there were three kingdoms.

Each kingdom had faced a side of a triangular lake. The first kingdom was the youngest, and wealthiest kingdom. They have the most business, biggest buildings, and the strongest military.

The second kingdom, is about 50 years older than the first. They aren't the wealthiest, but they are wel...

Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.

One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not our regular drummer!"

One day, not too far off, Florida will be an entirely Blue state.

With the sea level rising, it'll be underwater.

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, Wall of Fear, Screamin...

Cruise ship drive by

I was on a cruise recently.

One morning, the ship was passing very close to a small island. As I was admiring the serenity of this far off place, a ruckus occurred.

On the island, a man came running out from the thickness of the brush. His hair was down to his waist and his beard...

A rough and tough cowboy finishes his drink at a bar and gets up to leave. ..

A rough and tough cowboy finishes his drink at a bar and gets up to leave. A minute later, he comes back in saying with a mean look in his eye "I'm going to sit down and have one more drink, and if my horse isn't back where I left it, I'm gonna have to do what I done in Texas, And I really don't wan...

An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"

The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.


He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.


"Did you see my face?"


"Yes"


BANG, he sh...

General Frederick D. Grant said to his servant one morning

"James, I have left my mess boots out. I want them soled."

"Yes, sir, the servant answered."

The general dressed for dinner that night, said again: "I suppose, James, that you did as I told you about those boots."

"Yes, sir, said he, and this is all I could get for them, though...

The thirsty criminal

My grandpa told me this gem of a joke. Here it goes...

A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.

He is close to desper...

A guy walks into a record store and...

**Guy:** "Have you got "Jingle Bells" on a 12 inch?"

**Assistant:** "No, but I have "Dangle Balls" on a 10 inch"

**Guy:** "Thats **NOT** a record!!"

**Assistant:** "It's not far off"

Sahara Desert.

A somewhat predictable oldie but amusing nevertheless.

A guy was lost in the Sahara Desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties la...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Morning Poem

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places
Of laughter and ...

Anyone wanna hear one about a couple olives? (it’s long but worth the read trust me)

So there are these 2 olives right, let's call
them Frank and Bobby…… and these two
are long time best friends, and they’re as good of guys as they come, and always just having a good time together. Nice as can be. Just some good timing olives you know? Anyways they're on a high top table at a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professional singer was contacted by a priest who asked if she would sing at the funeral of a homeless man with no family, who had recently passed away.

Moved with compassion, the singer agreed. The priest informed her that, since he had no relatives or money, the man would be buried in a paupers grave in the countryside, and informed the singer she would have to drive herself. On the day of the funeral, the singer set out in her car following the d...

There was a waiter in Alabama who asked a table for their order

The waiter says “what do you and your girlfriend want to eat tonight”.
The man replies “oh she’s my sister”
The waiter tells him he’s really sorry for assuming they were a couple but the man says “it’s fine, you weren’t that far off, she’s my wife too"

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