UPJOKE

### A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

### Answer this quiz and you won't regret it!

Q: There are 500 hundred bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A: 499

Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant into the refrigerator?

A: Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge.

Q: What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in the refrigerato...

### A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

The Cheetah

An election.

### If a mini quiz were called a “quizzicle,” what would a mini test be called?

A quiz. Get your mind out of the gutter.

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### What’s the difference between a quiz and a test?

Teachers can give you a quizzical look, but they can’t give you a testicle look

### Pop Quiz: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

No marks for "don't know, don't care."

### When my teacher announced he had a pop quiz, I gave him a quizzical look….

Thank god it wasn’t a pop test…

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### No one expects it!

A guy was traveling in the Spanish countryside, and after driving all day he stopped for the night at a tiny inn. The innkeeper, upon giving him his key, asked him if he would like to participate in a battle of wits with his special chicken. "If you stump him, you get a wish, any wish you like!" he ...

### I won the first place in the Politically correct quiz contest

To be fair, so did the rest of them

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### A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

### Just took a quiz to find out what my spirit Halloween monster is ...

... apparently, deep down inside I'm a skeleton.

### There was a multiple choice history quiz about the states of America.

I went through questions like “Which state is known for fudge?” The answer was A: Michigan. I went through those questions and I got to question 10.

Which state’s capital is Nashville?
A: New York
B: Alabama
C: Tennessee
D: California

I knew this answer. Ten is C.

### A small quiz

Q1: what do you call someone who can speak 3 languages fluently?

A1: trilingual

Q2: what do you call someone who can speak 2 languages fluently?

A2: bilingual

Q3:what do you call someone who can only speak 1 language?

A3:American

### As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she suddenly stopped, looked up at me and shook her head in utter disappointment. With cold, dead eyes, she muttered, "This is wrong." Mouth dry, I whispered, "Question 2?"

She snarled, "No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs."

### In 7th grade we had a quiz where we were asked "what did France set up during the French Revolution." They marked me wrong and I'm still a little upset about it.

I still maintain "tons and tons of guillotines" is a correct answer

### Why did the atheist fail their quiz on exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power *bu dum tss*

### Irishman steps up on Mastermind, the quiz show. His chosen topic: the Irish Rebellion, 1916.

- **Quizmaster**: 'Your first question: who read the *Proclamation of Independence* from the steps of the GPO?'

- **Contestant**: 'Pass'

- **Quizmaster**: 'OK. Second question: name the Irish rebel leader born in Scotland.'

- **Contestant**: 'Pass'

- **Quizmaster**: 'Ques...

### I got addicted to gambling on quiz games

Now I’m in Kahoots with the mafia.

### I won the first place in the Political Correctness Quiz contest..

To be fair,so did everyone else...

### "Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"

"That's easy, Berlin."

"And the capital of France?"

"Berlin"

"And the one of Poland?"

"Also Berlin."

### A boy is studying for his geography quiz

"What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin", says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin."

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin."

"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."

### I'm going on a Coca-Cola factory trip next week.

I hope there's no pop quiz.

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### A teacher does a quiz with her class.

She asks the children:" So guys what walks on four legs and hurts to touch?" So one kid goes:" A hedgehog" the teacher responds:" I was thinking of a porcupine, but I like the way that you think, next question, what has wheels and takes me to school?" The same kid answers:" Your car". "It is my bike...

### My favorite Easter Joke

St Peter meets three new potential Heaven Members and says, “Ok, tonight we’re going to have a quiz. Just a simple question: What is Easter?”

The first guy says, “oh, that’s easy. It’s when the family gets together and have turkey and mashed potatoes and…”

“No, no. That’s Thanksgiving!...

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### Movie Quiz

Try this quick and easy test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie is your favorite. It Really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 19 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how.

\- Pick a number from 1 to 9

\- Multiply by 3
...

### If a quiz is quizzical

Then what’s a test

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### Pop quiz: Sally had to take a 5 minute shit and a 10 minute shower. How long was the shower running for?

The answer is 15 minutes and you're not fooling anyone Sally.

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### What's that game/quiz show on NPR on Saturdays? It's on the tip of my tongue...

Wait, wait, don't tell me...

### When the kids came back from recess, the teacher announced a pop spelling quiz...

"Pop spelling quiz, class!" She said, and called on little Johnny.

"What did you do during recess, Johnny?" Asked the teacher. Johnny replied "I played in the sandbox with Suzy and Leroy" "Ok, spell 'sand' and you will get a cookie!" Says the teacher. Johnny spells it correctly and gets h...

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### So my mate and I were doing this pub quiz and he'd had a couple of drinks too many

and he was just at that state where he thought it was funny to buzz in on every question and answer "*My Dick!!*".

The quizmaster asks "What is the largest organ in the human body?"

***BUZZ!***

and we're waiting for it, and my mate calmly answers "The skin".

Which is of c...

### A Young beautiful teacher was giving

her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. what is it?" she asked. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows you are thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it." "An ...

### A young man is vacationing in Spain…

… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hoste...

### Quiz show

I was on a quiz show once and they asked me to come up with a 5-letter palindrome that starts with K.

It's a pity, I was stumped but if I had answered correctly I'd have won a new kayak.

### I just realized I haven't taken a Facebook quiz in years.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

### Got disqualified from a quiz tournament last night

We were called Quizlamic State

### Little Johnny’s teacher gives an oral history quiz

She asked little Johnny, “who signed the Declaration of Independence?" Little Johnny said, "Damned if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.

Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of th...

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### I've just taken part in the filming of a pilot for a new quiz show called "Guess That Penis"...

Unfortunately, I didn't win, but I did get through to the boners round…

### A father chose to quiz his son...

Father: There was a plane carrying 500 bricks. One fell off. How many were left?

Son: 499

Father: Correct!

______________________________________________________________________________

Father: How do you fit an elephant in a refrigerator?

Son: Um… Cut it up?
...

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### The Mystery Gang have a quiz night.

Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby decide to have a quiz, and split into two teams. Fred is the quizmaster.

Velma and Daphne are in one team, Shaggy and Scooby in the other.

Fred: Okay, Daph and Velma, Can you name one of the 'Big 5' African animals?

Scooby: Rhino!

Fr...

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### The Bro Quiz (NSFW)

The Bro Quiz

In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
a lovemaking
b screwing
c the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

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### Penis jokes! A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz...

A professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, ...

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### Quiz Show

Jane was a first time contestant on the \$100,000 quiz show. Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.

Jane agreed ...

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### A young couple enters a quiz about their sex life [NSFW]

The man is taken into a separate room, where he is explained the quiz: he will get 3 questions, and if his girlfriend's answers match his, they win.

"The first question", the quizmaster says, "when did you last have sex?"
The man responds "last night".
"The second question is 'with ...

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### So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

### "What is the largest body of water in the world?" Quiz contestant: "The ocean?"

Asker: "I'm sorry, you're going to have to be more Pacific."

### TIL There's a brief quiz that can predict your favorite wine. Take the quiz to see your ideal wine match.

1) What is your favorite wine?

### Three rednecks appeared on a Quiz show - Jim-bob, Bubba and Hank.

Somehow they made it to the final question worth \$50,000.
The TV host said to Jim-Bob, "I will sing a song, leave 1 word
out. You must say the word and spell it ...Here it is - Old McDonald had a ....?

Jim-bob answers, "Cow, I spell it - C-O-W."

The host says, "You spelled cow ri...

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### It's President's Day and Mrs. Rosewood was giving her students a bonus quiz...

Whoever could identify the president who said the famous quote would not have any homework that night.

"Alright, class. Who said "A house divided against itself cannot stand."?"
Lil' Johnny knew the answer, but wasn't the first to have his hand up. That was Jamal Jefferson.

"Was it...

### As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, "This is wrong."

"No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs."

### Stephen Fry once told this joke on "QI"

There is a story about the Bloomsbury Group writer Lytton Strachey who was a 'confirmed bachelor', as they used to put it. He was also a conscientious objector and a pacifist. He appeared before the conscientious objection board. It was their job to quiz him on whether he actually was a true pa...

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### Mick and Paddy on the quiz show

Two irishmen called Mick and Paddy go to UK´s quiz show Mastermind in hopes of showing how smart they are. Mick goes to the chair, while Paddy sits with the audience.

In comes the show´s host Magnus Magnusson:

*Magnus*: "what is your choice of subject?"

*Mick*: "Iri...

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### If the quiz made you a little quizzical, what is the test going to make you?

Really fucking confused.

### Pub Quiz

I did terribly in the Greek Mythology section of the Pub Quiz last night. You could say it's my Achilles Wrist.

### A son gets home from his English quiz...

and sees his mom at house.

"How did you do?" she asked,

"It was easy but question 5 confused me," he said.

"What was it?" said his mom.

"The question wanted the past tense of 'think.' I thought and thought and thought and finally came up with 'thinked.'"

### A man is on vacation in Spain.

He stops at a local inn to stay and is having a drink down in the bar.

Once there he was challenged by the bartender to win a free meal and a drink. He needs only score higher on a trivia quiz against a very smart chicken.

Amused and figuring he couldn’t lose to a bird he accepts. Th...

### The royal calligrapher's apprentice.

In the late 1400s there was a young man named Pablo. He was apprenticed to the royal calligrapher for the king of Spain. One day the royal calligrapher gathered his apprentices for a lesson.

"Any letter penned for his majesty must be penned with Ink made here in Spain! It would be a trav...

### Three nuns arrive at the Pearly Gates at the same time.

St. Peter says "Sisters, we're so backed up that we're giving new arrivals a quiz. If you answer a question correctly, you can go on in, but if you get it wrong you'll have to wait a while." The nuns nod in agreement and St. Peter faces the first nun.

"What was the name of the first man on ...

### I have this habit of disappointing my parents

I have this habit of always disappointing my parents, last week I told them I was doing the bar exam, I was actually doing a pub quiz but it’s the same difference.

### I took an online quiz to grade how un happy I am.

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### A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and Hitler

Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like \$1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for Hitler's first name. He thought about it, smil...

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### general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

### Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

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Testical!

### Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track.""What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the...

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### [Long NSFW] Oxford professor

An old Oxford professor is nearing retirement and decides that he wants to do something fun for once. He's spent his whole life researching scientific theories in his lab and wants to do something outside for a change, so he asks his assistant for a suggestion of something different to go and resear...

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### A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging ...

### A brilliant scientist successfully creates a lifelike deer cyborg.

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

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A pop quiz

u/iwillsexyou

A Pop quiz

### A lame joke I made up based on an existing joke. Sorry if it's bad.

One day Sean joined a quiz team.

He and his teammates studied really hard for a quiz competition.

On the night of the quiz competition, in the last round, Sean and his team was 1 point behind first place.

However, they had one more question that if answered correctly, would awar...

### A blonde and a lawyer on a long flight

A blonde is sitting next to a lawyer on a long flight. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer keeps waking her up. "Let's have a quiz," the lawyer suggests. "If I answer wrong, I'll pay you fifty euros. If you answer wrong, you pay me five."

The blonde agrees.

The lawyer goes first: "What'...

### Dad, my Geography teacher Adolf will give me a quiz tomorrow.

Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.

Capital of Germany? Berlin

Capital of France? Berlin

Capital of Russia? Berlin

Capital of Poland? Berlin

Capital of USA? Tokyo

Capital of China? Tokyo

Hotel? Trivago

That's my boy.

### There was a pub quiz last week

And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!

### I lost a pop quiz last night. The question was: where do women mostly have curly hair?

The correct answer is "Africa". You have a very dirty mind!

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### Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

### Pavlov's Dog

After we finished the pop quiz in our psychology class, our teacher allowed us to quietly talk amongst ourselves. A group of us were discussing the idiocy of Pavlov's dog and how pairing a stimulus with a conditioned response seemed illogical in the real world. Then the bell rang, and we all headed ...

### Son: Hey Dad, I was outstanding at school today.

Dad: Good to hear that. What did you do?

Son: Our teacher caught me cheating on the quiz. She sent me out and ordered me to stand at the hallway

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### Oh, Little Johnny

Little Johnny's teacher began the school year by announcing a new contest. Every Friday, 30 minutes before the final bell, she would ask the class a question. The first student to answer it right could leave early, and the rest of the class would take a quiz.

The first Friday, the teacher a...

### What kind of test did the dog owner want for their pet when they went to the vet?

A pup quiz!

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### Little Johnny's in South African Geography Class.

The teacher says "Johnny why didn't you do your homework?"

Johnny says "cos there was fokol for breakfast."

The Teacher says "That's not cool don't say fokol in my class. Quiz time:"

"Where is the Namibian border?"

Thabo says "To the North of The Northern Cape."

S...

I pop-quiz it.

### At recess, all the children are playing outside.

Little Mohammed goes to the swings and asks Little Jack if he can play on the swings too.

"No, go away," replied Little Jack. "You're different and weird."

A bit shaken, Little Mohammed goes to ask Little Suzie if he can play with her on the monkey bars.

"No thanks, I'd rather n...

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### My recent letter from the BBC read...

"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.

However, we feel you may have misread the title?

The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"

### What is Easter?

As told to me by a priest when I was little:

Three bad Catholics die and go to heaven. Saint Peter says to them "To get into heaven, you must pass a quiz first. What is Easter?"

The first Catholic steps up and says, "Easter is the holiday when a big fat man comes down your chimney an...

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### House for rent

A man puts an ad in the newspaper: "House for rent: christians only"

Next day, someone came. The bad looking owner shows at the door and grumble:

What do you want?

Well, I saw the ad, I want to rent this house.

Ugh, fine, fine, and what is your name?

David Rosenber...

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### Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.

The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.

Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit d...

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### My girlfriend sent me something unexpected.

I was having trouble with a chemistry pop quiz in school. I texted her "Sn?" She sent nudes. I just needed to know what Sn meant.

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### [long] John McClane and Hans Gruber sat next to each other in Spanish class as kids at Nakatomi Plaza Junior High School...

One day the *Profesora* said, "we're going to have a vocab quiz, but we're going to do it as a game, make a competition out of it. I'm going to say a word in English, and you and the person sitting next to you compete to see who can give me the Spanish equivalent faster." She turned to the first pai...

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### After an orchestra concert, the host asks if there are any musicians in the audience.

Many audience members raise their hands, and the host randomly selects three of them, and invites them on the stage for a quick quiz. The first one turns out to be a pianist, the second one is a singer, and the last one is a drummer.

The host says: "Let's have a quick quiz, shall we? Our pian...

### So a woman goes to the doctor with a busted lip and a black eye...

...and the doctor says, "Oh my, what happened?"
To which the woman replies, "Well my husband always goes to the bar after work, he then proceeds to come home and beat me. I've tried everything to get him to stop but nothing works." The doc listens to her story and after a few minutes, he respond...

### The blonde and the lawyer.

A blonde is sat on a plane waiting for everyone to sit down and to get airborne. A guy in an expensive looking suit sits along side her and introduces himself.
Disinterested, she says hi and turns towards the window.
He asks if she'd like to play a game. She says no.
Just after take off ...

### A man is on vacation in Spain.

He goes off the beaten path and decides to spend the night in a small local inn rather than pay extra at a tourist trap. He’s down in the inn’s lounge drinking and he sees a chicken sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender why there’s a chicken inside. She says that the chicken is actually a genius...

### Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

A father's daughter brought home her prospective fiancee

It was the first time he'd met him and he took the opportunity to quiz him a bit

"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked

"I have no job" he replied

"Really? Well how do you expect to provide for my daughter?"...

### I just sat down to write a joke about my ADHD.

Oh wait, a Buzzfeed quiz.

### A space mission sent from Earth had landed on a distant planet.

The purpose of the mission was to meet with another intelligent species who called themselves "ishen".

Another such mission had taken place a year before, and Michael Chapman, the leader of the mission, had decided to stay on the planet with the ishen to learn their ways.

The ishen pri...

### Not saying my local pub is rough..

but the first prize at the pub quiz was two weeks alibi.

### Timbuktu...

A priest and an Australian shepherd got a tie in a quiz show so they have to solve the last question: find a rhyme on the word Timbuktu.
After five minutes the priest returns and says:
"I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way ...

### I thought I was hired as a manager in a Spanish company. But then they called me and asked me for an interview.

I wasn’t quite expecting the Spanish Inc. Quiz Session

### I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the

Spanish Ink Quiz Session

### Are you a compulsive spender?

Buy this \$1 Quiz today to find out!

Quiz results: 100% of people who bought this quiz were identified as compulsive spenders.

### When Juan told me he was scratching himself during a questionnaire, I was surprised.

After all, nobody expects the Spanish in-quiz itching.

### I completely regret taking a class on the history of soda

Every quiz we've had has been a pop quiz

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### Man rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

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### A small Japanese town has only two literature teachers, Ishu and Takashiro

One day Ishu falls ill and asks Takashiro to teach his classes for the week. Ishu had planned to give a surprise assessment tomorrow but hadn’t finished writing the questions, so he asks Takashiro to finish them for him.

Ishu miraculously gets better the day after the assessment. He’s still ...

### Bob and Joe were sitting in their math class one day... (x-post r/unexpectedfactorial)

Bob and Joe were sitting in their math class one day when their teacher suddenly shouts “Pop quiz! If you don’t answer this question correctly, then you will fail the class”

Both Bob and Joe are taken aback.

The teacher turns to Joe, “Joe! Quickly, how many seconds are there in six wee...

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### So Adam and Sarah partyed all night....

And in the morning, it was saturday and they had to go to sunday school.
Adam was wide awake but sarah was still hella tired.
They get there and Sarah immediately fell asleep as soon as the priest started talking. He eventually decided to give a pop quiz. He asked the first question.
"Wh...