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Stonemason Jokes

An ex stonemason spent his days pining for his old life.

He took it for granite.

A Canadian man loses his wife.

He goes to the stonemason and asks for a tombstone that says "rest in peace." A couple days before the funeral, he comes to check on the stone and sees that it says "Rest in Piece."

"Sorry," he says to the mason, "but I meant 'peace', with an 'a'."

On the eve of the funeral, the maso...

What is an english stonemasons favourite fruit?

Pomegranate

Why did the stonemason break up with the female con artist?

She took him for granite.

A Yorkshire man's beloved wife passed away.

He went to the headstone maker to sort out the stone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read 'She was thine'. The stonemason told him to return a week later.
A week later the man returns to inspect the stone. The proud stonemason wheeled it out in a trolley. It ...

A joke from Hamlet: "What do you call a person who builds stronger things than a stonemason, a shipbuilder or a carpenter does?"

The one who builds the gallows to hang people on, since his structure outlives a thousand inhabitants

Found on Act 5, Scene 1

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman lying on her death bed wanted all to know she was a virgin....

She asked that her headstone would forever read:
'Born a virgin, lived a virgin and died a virgin'.

When the stonemason was making her headstone, he ran out of space so just carved:
'Returned unopened'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly Lady goes to an undertaker

An elderly lady with no family wants to leave her affairs in order in her old age. That is why she goes to an undertaker. They discuss the funeral, the guest list, flowers and whatever else is necessary. The undertaker also asks her if she has any special wishes regarding the inscription on her grav...
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