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A German pensioner has been given a 250 thousand euro fine after being arrested for having a world war two tank in his basement.

Locals said he had previously used the tank as a snowplough, until one cold winter where it broke down on the Eastern Front Lawn.

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A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes Benz to 100 mph. Looking in his rear view mirror, he sees a cop behind him, signaling to pull over. He floored it to 140 , then 150, then 155, and 160…Suddenly he thought, "Shit man, I'm too old for this nonsense!"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the cop to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. And guess what, today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family to the beach. If you can give me a ...

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Two pensioners are having oral sex with each other.

The man says, "I can't do this any longer. It stinks down here!"

"Sorry," The woman says. "It's my arthritis."

"Arthritis in your vagina?" He exclaims.

"No, in my shoulder. I can't wipe my ass."

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New shop in town

Two businessmen in the centre of town were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're ...

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The colonel rides again...

There was a knock on the door and the colonel opened it to see a young woman standing there. “I don’t know if you remember me colonel ...”. “Course I do gel, you’re from the village, Jenkins’ daughter, went off to university, well done, what can I do for you”? “Well, I’m in my last year now, studyin...

A college student was golfing with an old man...

And they get to the 6th hole, a very long par 5 with a huge oak tree right in the middle of the start of the fairway.

The college kid says to the old man, "Any advice on this hole? I'm not sure I can carry over the tree but this hole is too long to lay up on the first shot."

The old ma...

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