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Landscaper Jokes

I fired my landscaper today.

He just wasn’t cutting it.

Why should you never hire a running back as a landscaper?

Because they’re known for rushing yards.

Why shouldn't you mess with a poor landscaper?

They have bad tampers

What did the landscaper say after I helped them up from falling?

Grassy ass

Why did the landscaper get fired?

He kept dropping his plants in public!

What do call a landscaper’s nicest pair of pants?

His Grassless Chaps.

I hired a dog landscaper the other day.

I guess you can say he was "Ruff around the hedges".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a landscaper about his work the other day.

He told me: “Most of my work involves painting people’s lawns a different color. It’s some kind of new trend. I, personally, don’t get the appeal of having a pink lawn. Doesn’t make sense to me. But, I dye grass.”

What do you call it when you use an app to pay your landscaper?

Ven-mowing

I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year.

He was really easy to get a lawn with.

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So a covenant of nuns hires a group of landscapers to do some work.... (Long)

Sister Mary Peter was looking at the grounds of the covenant one day and decided to call her brother John, a landscaper, to do some work and liven up the place. After agreeing to do so, John and his crew arrived at the covenant and began work on the grounds.

Throughout the week, John and his ...

Tree joke

I had a tree I wanted removed ,because it was to close to the house. I called a tree guy and he came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He ask me what I thought and I said it was nice but what about the stump ?..He informed me that he was just a tree guy who cut down trees, If I wanted th...

A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...

He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"

The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"

The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"

Where do all the New York City landscapers live?

Lawn Guy Land

Have you ever heard the one about the landscaper who lost everything after his wife left him and his dog died?

No?

Maybe I shouldn't tell it. It's a sod story.

What do you call a landscaper's bank account?

A hedge fund

A landscaper's favourite musical genre?

Mow-town.

TIL Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a series of short stories about crimes committed by landscapers

He collectively referred to them as *Holmes and Gardens*.

How come Landscapers have huge loads?

They are always edging.

Chance The Rapper endorses the President and Rudy Giuliani, announces his full support of their voter fraud campaign.

Correction: Chance the Total Landscaper

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A lady I often chat with at the grocery store was ringing up my groceries asked my how things are going

I told her that it was a bit of a rough patch because my start-up business wasn't doing so well. She expressed some sympathy as it's pretty rough times right now, and asked me what my business was.

See, I'd done some research of nutrient quality in various fertilizers and I'd determined that ...

They say, "the grass is greener on the other side..."

That's why Pablo, my landscaper, imports my marijuana.

So my mom decided to sell her house, but she’d always promised she’d get the boulder out of her front yard.

It was an eyesore, but she couldn’t handle it herself. I was still in college, so on a long weekend, I loaded all the guys I could in my car, drove the 11 hours home. We borrowed a truck, backed it right up, and tried to lift it. We couldn’t move it.

So I called in all the old high school fri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city slicker retires to the country...

Following a successful career on Wall St, Jim buys some land out in Nebraska to live a simpler life.

He has some of the land cleared and a huge, brand new ranch built.

Construction crews finish up, landscapers complete the final touches, and he moves the family in.

The next morn...

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