Dropped Jokes - 95 Hilarious Dropped Jokes

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the ...

The bad news is, I dropped my cactus today

The worse news is that I caught it

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I dropped the soap in the prison shower today.

A big inmate, with a cock like a python, handed it back to me.

"Nice try, you ugly cunt," he said.

My girlfriend dropped this on me after some Tex-Mex last night ...

"I'm chilly"

She steps closer and takes my hand

"Will you be my con queso?"

And before I could even respond ...

"Sorry, was that too cheesy for you?"

I just dropped my phone in the bath...

Now it's synching...

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said: "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and wa...

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I had a friend who worked in a sex toy warehouse. He was killed when a pallet of dildos dropped from a lift and smashed him...

...hit him like a ton of pricks.

WOW, #2 on r/jokes! I'm the shit! Thanks everyone.

The price of oil has dropped so far that...

Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

A few hours ago I dropped a piece of ice

It slid under the refrigerator. I was really upset at first but now it's water under the fridge.

Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped...

I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

My dad is German and dropped this one on me the other day.

Dad: I never told you this but, my great grandfather died in the holocaust.

Me: Oh, man thats terrible.

Dad: Yeah, he got really drunk one night and fell off of the guard tower.

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so…

I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"
She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus...

A cheap man dropped a penny from the fifth floor

When he came down to pick it up he couldn't find it and was about to go crazy.

5 seconds later the penny reached the ground.

Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

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Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed....

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed .... Bill's wife was not wearing any panties! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen...

An Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny into an open sewage pit

The pit was full of excrement, and after a few moments of thinking the Scotsman concluded:

"It's not worth it. I will never dive in for a penny!"

Then he checked his pockets for some change, picked two pounds and throw it to the pit:

"Now it's better" he said and jumped into the...

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.

Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.

I made pancakes while hungover, but dropped them on the unswept floor.

Hair of the dog

New pun just dropped

Try this one on for sighs

The companies that dropped Johnny Depp must really regret their decisions

They shouldn't have followed the Heard

I dropped my lava lamp into a deep hole in the ground.

And now I can’t reach my magma lamp.

I dropped 4 tabs of acid yesterday

>!So I picked them up!<

It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child

Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki

I dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday....

It caused severe pain To-ma-toes.

What did the buffalo say when he dropped his son off at school?

Bison

What did Kanye do after getting dropped by Adidas?

Some Sole searching

The US just dropped a new single today

It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan

Dropped my phone in a load of mayo

What the Hellmann

I dropped my swear jar on my foot.

Just to see if I'd learnt anything.

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You hear about the wizard that dropped out of Hogwarts?

He couldn’t spell.

My 2 year old son dropped my phone and cracked the screen.

So I sold it and bought a new one.

Not sure what to do about the phone though.

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I accidentally dropped my swear jar

About 700 motherfuckers escaped.

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest for suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

What did Franklin D. Roosevelt say after he dropped his pickle?

"I want a new dill."

Eating porridge I just dropped on the floor is fine

It's the 5 Second Gruel

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she sna...

Dropped my suit pants off at the dry cleaners….

On my way out, the lady said come again!
To which I replied, “ No, just toothpaste this time.”

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I dropped my headphones in the toilet

and now they sound like shit.

An old lady in front of me dropped a $20 note, so I asked myself, "what would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine. I bought wine.

Where did Susie go when the bombs dropped?

She went everywhere

Did you hear about the detective who dropped his phone?

He cracked the case

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I dropped my phone in the toilet yesterday

Now the call quality is shit

Based on a true story: I was carrying back gardening tools to the shed and dropped one. My wife yells from behind me.

"Yee haw, it's a hoe down"

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I dropped my mixture of fluorine, uranium, carbon, and potassium.

FUCK

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New album just dropped

Wife unhappy, wedding pictures ruined

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I saw a butt plug on the street today..

Some asshole must've dropped it.

A nuclear bomb was dropped on Alabama

One family was killed

I dropped a piece of pasta off of a cliff,

It was a farfalle.

A man who was attempting an arctic expedition died in his sleep when the temperature dropped…

… because he had bought low-budget equipment. Everyone told him his gear wasn’t suitable. He didn’t realise it was a poor tent of doom.

I dropped my Nokia from the balcony today

And they thought the building collapsed due to an earthquake...

Me: Oops, dropped my phone

Friend: Did it break?

Me: Nah, not in this case

A Muslim guy dropped his wallet today, so I ran after him and gave it back to him.

He said “Thank you so much”
“Don’t go to the Liverpool game tonight” he added.
“Why?”I asked.
“ Because it’s tomorrow”

My magnesium levels in blood have dropped down to dangerous levels!!!!

0mg!!

I dropped my weed in the BBQ while BBQing

The steaks have never been higher.

I dropped my sirloin on the ground during a cooking contest.

Not a worry, the steaks were low

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What did the cannibal do after he dropped his girlfriend?

Wiped his arse.

(Not my joke but thought it was funny)

Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds...

Right on my big toe. It’s broken now I can hardly walk

I accidentally dropped my phone from a 20-story building.

It's a good thing I had it on Flight Mode.

I dropped the toothpaste.

I was crestfallen.

I was out for a quick ride when a large bird of prey dropped dead right in front of me, throwing me clear off my bicycle.

Shocked, confused, and a little banged up, I decided to take the dead raptor to a vet. Autopsy revealed it had suffered from a myocardial infarction likely caused by severe hypertension.

As the vet put it, I’d fallen victim to an ill eagle arrest.

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits.

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits. After a few minutes, he saw a table for two with one middle-aged gentleman sitting at it. He walked over to the table and asked if he could sit down. The Brit replied, "Certainly. Please do."

The Ameri...

TIL there's a city named after a waffle dropped on the beach

San Diego

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Pornhub could increase there viewership in the southern states...

If they just dropped "step" from all titles

(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..

When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn’t necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..

At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, ...

Where did the little Asian girl go when the little boy dropped by?

Everywhere.

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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.<...

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I once had to pretend that i was taking a shit, so I dropped a bottle of soap in the toilet

It was a shampoo.

Last night I dropped my phone on my face...

Well I geuss my android has turned into an eye phone.

The UPS guy accidentally dropped my package

Ups

My GPA dropped a bit today...

Apparently I got a C++ in programing class

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

A waiter was serving someone when they dropped a spoon...

So the waiter pulled a spoon out of his top pocket. The man questioned why the waiter had a spoon in his pocket and started eating his dessert. The waiter replied we did a study and it showed that 70% of customers drop spoons so it saves us time having one with us. The customer looked intrigued and ...

I dropped my phone while washing the dishes

Guess it is in sync now .....

I dropped an ice cube next to the freezer. It melted and got my sock wet the next time I went to the kitchen.

I was mad at first, but now it's mostly water under the fridge.

I just dropped all of my eggs...

Oeuf

How did the man feel when he dropped his tube of toothpaste?

Crest-fallen

Carmen dropped her waffle on the beach

Where in the world is Carmen's sandy Eggo?

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The spoon

Customer at restaurant drops a spoon. Waiter nearby immediately replaces the dropped spoon with a clean one from his breast pocket. Next time the customer sees him, the waiter has a new spoon in his breast pocket so the customer asks about the spoon.

“The owners hired a consultant some t...

Dropped $10 and the wind caught it, I had to chase it down the road..

I never caught it but I had a good run for my money.

Dropped some rice in water

so I put it in a bag of cellphones to dry out

I just dropped my biro into a vat of acid. Do you know what happens when you drop a biro into a vat of acid?

Well, it de-pens.

Metlife dropped the Peanuts gang because Peppermint Patty was going behind their back to negotiate with Charles Schwab.

Can't blame her though...she really likes to Talk To Chuck.

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A traveling salesman stopped at a remote hillbilly bar for a beer. As he sat at the bar, the bartender shouted “Showtime!”

A wrinkled old man stepped into a spotlight, dropped his pants, pulled out a huge dick, and shattered three walnuts. Then he bowed and disappeared.

Five years later, the salesman came by again and it was the very same thing.

Another five years go by; the salesman stopped at the bar. A...

Blonde dropped and cracked her phone screen.

Blonde 1: "Hey, I dropped my phone and the screen is cracked. Will they be able to fix this?"

Blonde 2: "Is it that bad?"

Blonde 1:: "See for yourself. I'll send you a screen shot."

\*After seeing the screenshot\*

Blonde 2: "Are you kidding me?"

Blonde 1:...

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Grandfather dropped a bomb today I'll never forget

We stopped at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. The people looked like they hadn't slept in a year and had eaten meth for a week from their missing teeth and saggy cheeks.

**Me:** Jesus, these people look like zombies

**Gramps:** Yeah and they're probably starvin...

This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

...

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My wife and I were taking a shower together and she dropped the soap.

Now she’s all butt hurt about it.

I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener.

Now her clothes don't fit.

My friend was changing a tire when the car dropped on his foot

Now he needs a toe

My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.

Accidentally dropped a 20 dollar bill in a porta potty

Thought “Damn, no way I’m reaching in there for a measly 20”

So I took out a hundred from my wallet and dropped it in.

Now for 120, I’ll definitely go in.

What did Santa say when he dropped down the chimney at the kardashians?

Ho Ho Ho!

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