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Drivers License Jokes

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagin...

LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror!

You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.

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Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a...

My drivers license says I'm an organ donor,

but jokes on them because I own a piano.

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Why was the blonde upset when she got her Drivers License?

Because she got an F in sex.

The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.

"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."

:-P

A guy called British Airways before his flight from London to Paris: “Hi, I have a question. Can I fly to France using my drivers license?”

“No”, said the woman. “You need a plane”

A girl is taking her drivers license exam

-if you are driving and see your brother and husband on the road, which one you slam


-my husband



-for the third damn time it's the brakes the damn brakes

Not sure if repost saw it on instagram if it is im sorry

Just got my drivers license and I'm already getting compliments!

Someone left a note on my car which said "Parking fine!" I was so happy :)

The person at the drivers license office asked me if I wanted to be an organ donor.

I said sure, and I hope my Wurlitzer goes to a good cause.

An old lady was stopped for speeding

Police officer: I'm sorry, but I think you were driving a bit too fast?

Old lady: What?! No, that can't be true!

Police officer: Can I see your drivers license?

Old lady: No, I don't have it anymore. I lost it 4 years ago when driving while drunk!

Police officer: Well.. C...

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Fifteen Bucks

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the...

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taxi cab

A businessman takes a vacation in Vegas. He has a horrible run of luck, and spends his life savings and maxes out his credit cards. All he has left is his airline ticket home.

Getting into a taxi, he explains his plight to the cabbie. He offers to leave his drivers license or anything else u...

Ruth, a young blonde woman, was driving her Ferrari waaay over the speed limit,

…so she gets pulled over be the police. The police woman, who also turns out to be a young blonde, walks over to the Ferrari and signals Ruth to roll down her window. With the window open, our blonde police officer demands to see Ruth’s drivers license and registration. After finding the registratio...

What do you use all the time but rarely look at?

Your drivers license

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A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...

The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.

She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.

The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can y...

A Texan was driving through Oklahoma

A Texan was driving through Oklahoma, and driving over the speed limit on the highway. A highway patrol officer pulled him over.

The officer requested his drivers license and registration.

As the officer was filling out the citation, there were many flies dancing around the officer’s ...

Yo mamma's so fat...

She had to get her drivers license photo from Google earth!

A speeding blonde.

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'...

An old couple driving are pulled over by a state trooper...

The state trooper asks the old woman, "do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

The old woman who could barely see over the steering wheel is hard at hearing and replies, "what?"

The husband sitting next to her says , "he said do you have any idea how fast you were going?" to whi...

3 Big things happened to me today

1) My neighbor said he didn't like me

2) My neighbor got hit by a bus

3) I lost my bus drivers license

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Ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic?

Look at your drivers license.

A car gets stopped on the road

In a few seconds, the car is surrounded by cameras and journalists and a reporter tells the driver:

"Congratulations , you're the 10 000 000 car on this road, you're getting 10 000 000 €!! What will you do with that money?"

The male driver thinks for a moment, then replies: "Well, firs...

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THE STAGES OF SUCCESS

At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is...having friends.

At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is...having sex.

At age 35 success is...having money.

At age 50 success is...having money.

At age 60 suc...

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My neighbor has a son who is a genius. The kid graduated high school at age 13, graduated college magna cum laude at age 15, and graduated from one of the top law schools at age 17. He was admitted to the bar one month later. So, I asked my neighbor what his son's secret was.

He said that his son showed the bouncer his older brother's drivers license.

Did you know the Prairie Rattlesnake can move at approximately 75 mph?

At least once he gets his drivers license he can.

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A man was speeding along the road in a van, doing well over 100, until he was pulled over by a police car. "Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Let me see your license" The man responded "Officer, I don't have a license"

"What?? Where is the paperwork for this van?"
r>"I don't have any paperwork, this is a stolen van. I was making a drug run when you stopped me."

The officer immediately pulled the man out of the van, handcuffed him, and put him in the back of his police car before calling for backup....

A cop pulls over a car...

Officer: Good evening, our squad decided to reward the best driver we saw all day, so congratulations you just earned 200 dollars. What will you do with the money?

Driver: Get my drivers license.

Officer: Wait, what?

Wife: He's only driving well because he's drunk.

Office...

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3 nuns have dedicated their lives to God since they were 16.

25 years later they started talking about everything in life they missed out on. Never getting a drivers license, to their first drink at 21, or even having sex.

So they all decided they would go to their priest and ask if they can have 1 day off from being a nun. As this is a weird request t...

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A cop pulls a man over for speeding...

"What seems to be the problem officer?"

"You were speeding, license and registration please."

"I'm sorry, I cant do that."

"And why is that?"

"My drivers license was taken from me while driving drunk."

"Well, give me your cars registration then."

"I cant do ...

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