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Infuse Jokes

Thinking of starting a weed infused food truck

Calling it the Canni-Bus

Someone needs to start selling toilet paper infused with CBD oil

To calm all your asses down

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The latest product out is Viagra-infused whisky.

It's for people that need a stiff drink.

I'm releasing a new line of sleep aids featuring melatonin-infused almonds, cashews, and pistachios.

They're called Doze Nuts.

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Pepsico have teamed up with a leading pharmaceutical company to created a viagra infused soft drink.

I cannot wait to pour myself a stiff one

Have you heard about the cannabis-infused tea for marsupials?

It’s high Koala tea

I invested all of my money on cannabis infused beef.

The steaks are high

A Colorado company has just given up on THC infused beef

They said the steaks were just too high.

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If I masturbate with this marijuana infused lotion is it considered grassturbating?

Or maybe masturbaking?

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TIL Smoking cannabis and drinking codeine infused solutions causes temporary memory loss and identity confusion among young lyrical artists.

That's why new rappers are always asking "What's my motherfucking name, y'all!"

I am starting a company to produce and sell Marijuana infused meat.

Our motto is "A pot in every chicken."

A local casino is offering marijuana infused beef to their best bettors.

That’s really high steaks for their high rollers.

How did the stoner feel when he jumped into a vat of marijuana infused vodka?

He was in high spirits

I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco

He spat some dope limes

What do you get when you cross a dandelion with soil infused with tetrahydrocannabinol?

Weed.

Coffee lovers come in many

But tea lovers come infuse

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Monkey business

In a secret lab, a bunch if scientists are working on modified human DNA. To find out if their experiments work, they infuse monkey cells with the modified DNA. After a few years of raising 3 modified monkeys they send each of them into a different apprenticeship for one year, to see if they are abl...

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A female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility.

Scientist: Here at our lab we've been testing what would happen to GMO foods if, instead of producing foods with genes intended for fast production, we could develop GMO foods into potentially another form of species.

Journalist: That's interesting what foods have you tested this on?

...

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Spice up your sex life.

Habanero infused condoms.

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A pharmaceutical company began clinical trials for a new sedative.

The goal was to develop a non-prescription drug that provided perfectly smooth, calming relaxation with just one pill. On the first day of trials, the lab assistant realized they had forgotten to pick up the sugar pills that were needed for the placebo. The lead researcher was furious! Most stores i...

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There once live a man named Keith.

Keith’s mother had instilled in him the wisdom of an old adage: “Obsessions are only a problem if you have fewer than two.” To that end, Keith made sure that he always had at least two obsessions on the go. And as the years passed, and Keith married and settled down, two particular passions endured...

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What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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